Page 61 of The Sound of Temptation

She looks at the keys and then looks at my face. Her eyes are full of indecision.

“I don’t bite, Beth,”

“No, you prefer disembowelment,” she mutters and leans toward me like she’s standing on the edge of a cliff looking over.

She’s very careful not to touch me when she tugs the key from my fingers.

She glares at me and drops them into the pocket of her skirt. She takes a wide step backward and smiles. “Let me turn on the machines for you.” She turns and walks over to the first of the huge machines lined up against the wall.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I do actually. They’re temperamental. Hold on,” she mutters and reaches behind the computer to fidget with something.

I walk over but stop far enough away to respect the space she clearly wants to keep between us.

“So, you’re an IT expert volunteer?” I ask.

This time her laugh comes easy, and I wish she was facing me so I could see her face. I haven’t seen her laughing face in longer than I can bear to think of.

“Hardly. But these chines are like fifty years old. We spent half a day learning about them during our volunteer training. They’ve got weird wiring, they keep this room locked so no one can just wander in and inadvertently start a fire or electrocute themselves.”

The machine beeps as the screen lights up.

“There you go. All set.” She straightens and runs her palms down the front of her skirt. She’s looking everywhere but at me. I can’t look anywhere but at her. My eyes follow the path of her hands, greedy to do the same thing with my own.

“Thank you. Do I need to get someone to lock up when I leave?”

“Oh, it’s just me and Dot…” She bites her lip and glances at her watch. “How long will you be?”

I don’t want her to leave before I’ve said what I need to. “Ten years ago, on the day I last saw you, my dad showed me a picture of a girl whose name was Bethany Wolfe kissing Duke Tremaine. It was a Facebook picture. It looked like you. And my father said…well, he said you must have been playing me. You’d told me so little about yourself, and it looked just like you. I believed him,”

She looked down at the floor as soon as I started talking. Now her shoulders heave, and she gives her head a sharp shake before she looks up at me. Her bewildered eyes are dark and wet. Her full lips are trembling, and she presses them together and exhales. “Is that why?” She’s something more than incredulous, and I feel even more foolish.

“Yes…it looked like you,” I offer, knowing how lame I sound.

She cackles and shoves her hands into her hair, tugging at it. “But now, you know it was my dead sister?.”

“Yes. I’m sorry. I wish I could take it back. I know I have no right—”

She moves in one swift, graceful lunge and presses a finger to my lips. “Then don’t.” Her eyes are stark and shattered. “Don’t you say another fucking word, Carter.” Tears spill down her cheeks. She wipes them away furiously, but she never takes her eyes off me.

“Beth.”

“No.” She shuts her eyes, rests her hands on her hips, and tilts her face up to the ceiling. When she looks back at me, there’s no sign of the tears or anger that had been there.

She’s clear-eyed and somber. “You had ten years to ask. Ten years to do a simple internet search. So no. You don’t have the right.”

“I know.”

“No, you don’t.” She snaps and points a finger at me. Her eyes are blazing with accusation and disappointment that cuts me to the quick. But I don’t look away. I deserve her anger. And I want it.

“I’m so sorry.” It’s the only thing I can say.

“There’s no point in you saying you’re sorry. It won’t change anything. And I don’t forgive you.” She shouts.

I know she means it. I felt the same way. When I believed she’d been trying to set me up or leading me on. But I never stopped loving her. As awful as it is to be confronted by her anger, I’m relieved it’s not indifference. “I know what I lost when I lost you. I’m an idiot.”

She closes her eyes as if she’s in pain and shakes her head. “The biggest idiot.” She chuckles, but a sob breaks it. She crosses her arms in front of herself and wraps them around her side, protecting and comforting herself at the same time.

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