Page 162 of The Sound of Temptation

“I moved back here to start fresh where no one knew what happened. I pretend he’s somewhere else. Because I can’t bear to be alive everyday if I think of him dead.”

“Oh Joe.” My heart is a tender, undercooked piece of meat I’ve long stopped trying to control. But, today I wish I could do something to stop the hurt I’m feeling. To be able to do something to make my friend feel better.

Ryan clears his throat. ”Um, my real name is Happiness,” his words sound like a confession and I turn to where Nadia’s sitting and see that it’s not news to her.

“Talk about a misnomer,” Jack says under his breath, and Nadia shoots him a withering glare.

“I ran away from home when I was a teenager and left my sister who was just a little girl and mom alone with my father who was an abusive alcoholic. I changed my name and I haven’t spoken to my family in almost twenty years. I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to reach out to my sister. But, I’m so ashamed of how I abandoned her I didn’t think I had the right. Beth, it was that speech you gave last week that gave me the courage to tell Nadia. I was scared, but I knew she was the right person.”

“Oh, Ryan…” Nadia breathes, admiration shining in her eyes.

She steps into him and he wraps an arm around her.

“I’d forgotten what honesty, forgiveness and mercy looked like until you brought me into your fold. And it’s given me the courage to try again. I love you.” He smiles around at all of us.

Joe lets go of my hands and I turn to find him staring at the floor.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

He won’t look up at me. “I’m sorry if I messed up your Thanksgiving. I know what I did was unforgivable.”

“Of course it is forgivable. But that has to start with you,” I say fiercely.

“Listen up,” Penn orders in a loud voice that gets everyone’s attention.

“None of us here have pretty stories. My husband brought his sister’s child home and let me think he’d had an affair rather than trust me to keep him safe. I was a fool for thirty-five years. But that doesn’t erase that I was also loved by him. The family we built together was real.” She comes to stand in front of me and Joe and holds out a hand to each of us. I take it and she squeezes it reassuringly. “Today is Thanksgiving. Let’s be grateful that despite everything we’ve suffered, we’re here with each other.” My eyes, like they have a will of their own turn to Carter. He’s watching them, too. And he looks as miserable as I feel.

Dinner is as nontraditional as the gathering of people around the table. Instead of a turkey, Penn served a whole roast leg of lamb with potatoes that had been cooked until they were crisp on the outside, but sweet and creamy on the inside. The buttery green peas we

re sautéed in onions and garlic, swimming in a mint sauce that I helped Penn make.

We’ve demolished it and now sit gathered around her exquisitely laid table, complete with full place settings, trying to recover from our food comas before moving on to desert.

“Is this Royal Doulton 1815?” Porsha asks, holding her dinner plate up so she can see the bottom. She gasps, reverent awe in her eyes, “Oh my God it is,” she sighs, dreamily and strokes the bottom of the plate.

“Yes, it was a wedding gift.”

“I can’t believe I ate on it. This is discontinued.”

“Oh is your Sugar Daddy a collector of fine crockery?” Jack asks, swirling the amber liquid in the small glass. He’s been nursing the same drink all night. I don’t think he’s taken a sip.

He and Porsha have been at each other’s throats all night. But rather than it being uncomfortable, it’s been interesting.

It’s also a welcome distraction from the growing tension and distance between Carter and me. He’s barely said a word to me and we haven’t made eye contact all night.

“Let’s move to the living room, I can’t sit up anymore and I want to finish hearing about the award you got Beth,” Penn say, standing.

We all follow her lead.

“It’s the first award I’ve ever been given,” I say.

“You should have seen Beth’s speech, Mom. It was goosebumps city when she wiped her make up off. It was a triumph.” Nadia’s effusive praise makes me flush.

“The only thing that’s triumphant about me is the button on my skirt. I can’t believe it’s holding after everything I’ve eaten today,” I groan and flop into the corner of the huge plush light grey sectional that takes up the center of his mother’s huge open plan living area.

“Stop being modest. I can’t believe that talent was hiding from the world in Texas. Thank God you came to New York. You’re about to blow up, I hope you’re ready,” Nadia says excitedly.

“Nadia, that’s not what she wants,” Carter reproaches his sister. He’s sitting diagonally across from me, his eyes on his phone. Just like it’s been all night. I’m getting sick of his talking around me, about me, but not to me.

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