Page 130 of The Sound of Temptation

Oh my God.

Beth is going to walk down the aisle to my song. Did she hope I’d hear it and take it as a sign? Does she want me to stand up and object?

I get a grip on myself. She doesn’t even know I’m here. She’s made her choice. It’s going to be fine. I just have to get through this. I’ve got my whole life ahead of me.

I glance around, noting the exits on the outside of the pew. My throat is raw — as if I’ve been screaming. My heart races like it’s hitched to a thousand unbroken horses, and the whooshing of my blood pumping to keep up with it all is so loud I want to cover my ears with my palms.

The program I picked up on my way in is completely unrecognizable as the ivory card stock bifold it once was. This attack of anxiety has turned it into something that resembles what I imagine my twisted soul looks like.

Too late, I realize the monumental proportion of my error.

This pain isn’t the kind that will make me stronger.

It’s the kind I will wish I hadn’t survived.

I have to get out here.

Like the devil himself is chasing me, I surge to my feet and ignore the shocked gasps of my pew mates when I trip backwards and trample their toes and knees in my uncoordinated attempt to stand up straight.

I stumble the into the outer aisle and push open a swinging door that leads to hallway. There’s a door with a huge exit sign above and I stride out of the church.

I don’t stop until I get to my rental car. I never look back. I focus on putting distance between me and the hellhole of a town.

The hollowed out place inside that used to be filled with all of the promises I made the woman I love is raw and aching. But in the months to come, it will be the source of all my inspiration.

Because as I drive away, a song starts to come together in my head and I know I’ll never put it to paper. This is a song about the new chapter, the one I’m facing without her. One I’ll never finish writing because it’s an endless stretch of time.

This is the beginning of a new us.

This is the start of a new world.

One where we learn to live without each other

One where all we do is miss each other.

Tied together, but pulled apart,

And somehow this feels like just the start.

It’s definitely not the end.

‘Cause we’re us….

And us, is forever.

PART 3

1 YEAR LATER

Los Angeles, California

42

Carter

Friends, no Benefits

“Hey, C, you’ve got a visitor,” Dane sticks his head into the Live Room. I’ve been holed up writing since last night.

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