“I’m not making a joke out of it. I’m just not upset. I’m excited actually.”
“You’re not the only one whose life could change when your results come back.”
“How is your life going to change?”
“How the hell should I know? I lived with your father for more than thirty years, and I didn’t know he had a sister. What else don’t I know?”
“Well, I can’t wait to find out what else I don’t know.”
“Why aren’t we enough?”
I wince and sit down on the bench outside the pharmacy and press the button to change to video on FaceTime.
She answers right away, and I smile when her pretty face fills my screen. Normally only the threads of silver in her dark hair indicates she’s old enough to be my mother. But now, deep frown draws lines in her forehead and around her mouth.
“Mom, come on. You know that’s not fair,” I admonish tenderly.
She closes her eyes. “I know, baby. I’m just…reeling. But you’re right. The more you know the better.””
I don't know how to do this without hurting her, I try to explain in terms she can understand. “You look like your mother, right?Jack looks like Dad, Nadia looks like both of you.”
Her lips twist in a rueful understanding. “And you want that too.”
“Yes. Not because I need more mothering than you gave me. And maybe I’m greedy, but I want to know. Please. Try to understand.”
She nods, her eyes glisten. “I do. I’m sorry I said that. You deserve all to have what your heart wants. And I’ll help you however I can.”
“Thank you.” I stand again and continue to walk to my car.
“Where are you going now?”
“To Beth’s. It’s her birthday.”
A smile breaks across her face. “Oh, how are you celebrating?”
“We’re not. I’m just going over a little early to do a few things around the house and make dinner.”
“Ooooh. That’s nice.”
“I’m nice,” I return with a wink.
“Yes, you are. Being down there is good for you.”
“Yeah, it is. It’s the air, I think. It’s just clearer. Less people.”
“Beth…” she adds with a hopeful smile.
“It’s just platonic. She’s engaged, remember?”
“I know, dear, but at least she’s back in your life. I mean, who knows? Maybe her engagement won’t work out. You said her fiancé is in New York for two months, right? Anything could happen.”
“It could.” I want it to, but so far it hasn’t. Even though I’ve seen her almost every day this month. I haven’t fallen asleep at her place again. When I woke up with her next to me on the floor that first night, I’d been tempted to wake her up in all sorts of inappropriate ways. Instead I carried her to bed, placed that note to her phone, and hightailed it back to my construction site of a house.
“It’s it’s not just her birthday, it’s the anniversary of her sister’s death. So, I’m gonna play it by ear. But I’m gonna go because I need to go to the store, and I want to get there early and cook before she gets home.”
“How domestic. And sweet.”
“Well, she’s sweet too. At least when she wants to be.”