Page 99 of Envy

“I know how to count,” I snap.

“Then why the fuck are you acting like you just met me yesterday? Why the fuck are you acting like you don’t know who. The. Fuck. I. AM?” He nearly growls at me.

“Because I don’t. Not anymore. And stop cursing at me. It’s rude.” My pulse is jumping, and I can’t keep up my cool demeanor.

I take a step back and only end up slamming my head against the cabinet beside me. I rub the sore spot and glare at him.

To my abject horror and dismay, my eyes fill with tears. How did I let this happen?

I look at him, my despair on full display. “You shattered me, Graham. Into pieces. You promised me … and then you just changed your mind. I’m afraid because I can’t go through that again.” My choked-out words are a confession bound by a plea for mercy.

His eyes soften before he closes them briefly and swears under his breath. When he opens his eyes again, he avoids my face and looks at the hands that are rubbing my head.

“Let me see.” He moves my hand away from my head with a gentle nudge and strokes the tender spot on my head. His eyes hold mine captive with a look that conveys regret, but also determination. My entire body erupts in gooseflesh.

An involuntary sigh, straight from the center of my Graham-loving heart, floats into the space between us,

“Apollo, I’m so sorry. You believe that, don’t you?” His eyes are questioning, but I don’t have any answers.

“You must know I would never intentionally hurt you. Never,” he insists.

My head and my heart are locked in a battle for supremacy. I have no idea which one will win.

“I don’t know what to do, Graham. I didn’t expect this. What’s changed?” I demand, desperate for him to say something to make this not feel so hard.

“Everything has changed. All those years ago? I couldn’t give you anything but sex. And I wanted us to be so much more. But I couldn’t. Not then.” His eyes plead with me to understand.

I break our eye contact. “Yeah, so you’ve said.”

He tilts my chin with his forefinger, and our eyes meet again. His beseeching eyes are so soft and familiar. I want to fall into them and believe everything I see in them. It would be so easy to just let go.

“Apollo, your heart … it’s more precious to me than anything. I would rather die than hurt you.” He cups my shoulder and slides his warm, calloused hand down my arm. He presses his palm against mine and links our fingers.

“Please, let me prove it to you.” His mouth is only inches away from mine, and his breath floats over my face.

My toes curl.

I want him to kiss me so badly that my lips are tingling.

I have no defenses against Graham. Except for distance.

His eyes are on my mouth. He bites his lower lip and closes his eyes. His hand falls from my face, and he takes a step back.

He crosses his arms over his chest, and there’s a challenge in his eyes as he regards me.

“You love me. I love you. There’s nothing stopping us from being together.”

I groan, exasperated and just plain tired. I need to end this conversation before I lose my conviction. I know what’s right. I know what I need.

“I have someone in my life.” The words sound like a hollow protest. Even to my own ears.

His eyes narrow on me, and he shrugs. “Yeah. You need to take care of that. Quick like.”

With a quick squeeze of my fingers, he releases my hand, turns, and walks toward my front door with not so much as a backward glance.

“Call me when you’re ready,” he calls over his shoulder before he walks through the door and disappears. I stare after him and then stumble to my bedroom. I feel like a cashmere sweater after the spin cycle—wrung dry and ruined.

I collapse on my bed into a heap of exhausted confusion.

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