Page 79 of Bursting With Love
She kissed the back of his neck. “That’s because I like you at the moment,” she teased. Savannah knew from working with people who were usually smack dab in the middle of a crisis that it was better to wait for them to bare their truths when they were good and ready than to push. She massaged the knot in his shoulders and waited.
Jack rubbed the back of his left biceps with his right hand. Savannah could practically feel the scar on her palm. “I haven’t shared this with you because I wasn’t sure how, and every time I wanted to tell you, I worried about what you’d think of me.” He drew in a long breath, then blew it out slowly and turned so he was facing Savannah. “The night of Linda’s accident, there was a storm.”
Savannah knew she should tell him that Treat had already filled her in, but she felt the weight of his confession between them and saw it in the rounding of his shoulders. She had to let him get this off his chest.
“It was only raining when she left, but the weather reports called for severe storm warnings. I never should have let her go.” His eyes remained trained on hers. “The storm got worse while she was gone. Doubled in strength.” He paused, swallowed hard, and his eyes welled with tears. “I can still smell the burning rubber and oil. I can see the flames. I never should have let her go. I had just come back from tour, and I was exhausted and so wrapped up in reports and data and still wound up in what we’d accomplished.” He shook his head. “It was my fault. I shouldn’t have let her drive with the storm warning.”
“Jack, you don’t have to tell me everything. I know you blame yourself. My cousin Blake knows Rush, and I guess he told him about the accident, and Blake told my brother.” Her stomach twisted at the depth of the pain she saw in his eyes.
“Does your whole family know?”
“Probably by now, but they don’t blame you.”
Jack shifted his eyes to the floor.
“She had a car accident. Anyone can have a car accident, any day and anytime. You couldn’t have known that she’d get stuck in the storm.” She took his hand in hers. “Look at me, Jack, please.”
Jack looked at her, and she scooted even closer. “You didn’t cause her accident.”
“Did Rush tell them that I found her?” he asked.
She nodded. “I’m so sorry.”
Tears hung in his eyes, and Savannah could see the tension in his face as he willed them not to fall. Seeing Jack so sad tore at her heart. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him.
“It’s okay to be sad, but that sadness doesn’t have to turn to guilt and anger and consume your every thought.” She rubbed his back, and when he drew away from her with red-rimmed eyes, she wished she could take the day off and stay with him.
He wiped his eyes. “Thank you. Her father and sister forgave me, but, Savannah, I’ve driven away everyone who loved me because I felt so guilty. It took a long time, but I understand now that I projected my guilt on them when all they really wanted to do was help me through the pain of losing her.”
“We all do things like that, Jack. You just did it to an extreme.” She ran her hand along his arm.
He nodded. “Maybe. But Rush? Rush will never forgive me. We said things to each other that we never should have said, and if you think I hold on to anger…” He shook his head. “And he has my father pushing him to be a man, which means…oh hell, who knows what that even means anymore.”
What he was going through sounded familiar to Savannah. Rex had held a silent grudge against Treat for years, and Treat had never known why until he finally confronted Rex. If brooding Rex could get over his anger, anyone could.
“If there’s one thing I have learned, it’s that the fiber that weaves a family together is stronger than anything we could ever imagine. I know it feels like you might never get through to him, but I don’t believe it. You have to try, no matter how hard it is.”
Jack sat up and rubbed his face with his hands. “I intend to try, but I’m a realist, and you don’t know my father. Hell, lately I feel like I don’t know him either. I might have dug a hole with Rush that’s too deep for either of us to climb out of.” He took her hand and rose to his feet, bringing Savannah along with him. “You need to go to work, and I need to get home and finish cleaning out the house. Can I call you later?”
Savannah smiled at the formality of his question. “I would be upset if you didn’t.” She started toward the hall, then turned back. “Jack, are you really okay with all of this? I can stay home with you if you need me to, to help you at your place or be there if you need to talk.” She’d spent years nursing her career. It was time she gave her relationship—this relationship—the attention it deserved.
