Page 23 of Driving Whiskey Wild
“We’re both messed up,” he said, “but we work. I need her and she needs me.”
The love in his eyes was tangible. “And you debated not coming over at all? Just leaving me hanging?”
He took her hand in his, his gaze as apologetic as it was honest. “I debated saving you the grief of having a guy like me in your life. I was coming down from major flashbacks. That scene unearthed all sorts of shit. Fin, everyone’s got baggage, and I know I’ve got a whole cargo load of it. I know what I am, and I’m not ashamed of it. I’m a survivor. My life is what it has had to be in order for me to make it through each day. I’m good at protecting others. I suck at”—he lifted their joint hands—“this. Even as a kid I didn’t go on dates. I’d nod at a girl and we’d hook up. That’s all I’ve ever known or wanted. And then you came into my life like a star falling from the night sky, and all I wanted was to catch you.”
His honesty was like a drug, soothing the harshness of his confession. “It was all physical at first,” she reminded him.
“Absolutely. You’re gorgeous.”
“So if I had accepted a ride on the Bullet train, that would have been it?” The thought made her uneasy.
“We’ll never know for sure, but I can’t believe for a second that I would have fu—gone through with it, or that I would have let you walk away afterward. Not if we had spent ten minutes having a real conversation. You’re too special. You said there was a difference between surviving and living, and I know you’re right. It’s evident in who you are and how you live your life. When I’m around you, you lift me up, make me see and feel. Because of who you are and who I want to be for you, I brought you flowers from my garden, showered, and shaved before our date—”
She glanced at his beard. “Shaved?”
He looked down at his privates.
“Oh my gosh. You did think we’d sleep together!” As she said it she realized she’d been thinking about what he’d be like in bed for far longer than just one day.
“I don’t recall saying real men shaved for sex.”
She gasped. “You thought I’d…on the first date? I mean, I let you touch me, and I’ve never done that on a first date before, but I wouldn’t have…” Would I? Oh gosh! I might have!
His brows lifted, and they both laughed softly.
“Clearly whatever this is between us is new and different for both of us,” he said, a spark of hope glimmering in his eyes. “I just found you, Finlay. Please don’t let my messed-up life scare you away. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I don’t want to just survive. I want to live.”
“Bullet,” she said breathlessly, trying to solidify her melting heart. “I haven’t been really living either. I know it looks like I am, but I didn’t move back only because I missed Penny. I moved back because I was lonely. I tried to feel something toward a man after Aaron died. I went out on a few dates and I tried to be intimate, but I was too broken to feel anything, even as recently as last winter. I moved back home because I figured I might not be able to love or be loved by a man, but at least I could love and be loved by Penny. And sisterly love is better than no love at all.”
“That breaks my heart. You’re too sweet to be alone forever.”
“But I felt something tonight,” she admitted. “I felt a lot. So much, it’s a little scary.”
“Don’t be scared. Just be with me. Give us a chance.”
She wanted that now more than ever, despite their differences. She’d never met anyone as honest, or as selfless, but at the end of the day, there was a certain level of respect she needed from others, and for herself. She gathered her courage like a cloak and said, “I can’t if you’re going to be with other women. I don’t have it in me to share you. Protecting others is one thing, but giving your body to them is another.”
“I won’t share you,” he said with the demanding tone that for some crazy reason endeared her toward him. “And I’d never expect you to share me.”
“Okay.”
His breath rushed from his lungs with a long, “Ah, lollipop,” as he hauled her onto his lap and kissed her breathless.
“Tomorrow,” he said against her neck, “I’m making up for tonight and taking you out on a proper date.”
“You are?” She couldn’t wait to see him again.
“What are your plans during the day? I have to work at four, and I want to stop by the hospital in the morning and see how the Beckleys are doing, but I could pick you up afterward.”
Her heart filled at his thoughtfulness. “How about you pick me up in the morning and I’ll go with you? I have to order the appliances for the bar, and I was going to work on the menus, but I can do that after four, when you’re at work. I think I’ll also bring some of the goodies I made tonight to the bar. The customers really liked the cookies.”
“Just what I need, more guys going apeshit over your goodies.” He groaned, smiling, though she was pretty sure he wasn’t teasing. Then his tone turned serious again, and he said, “But you don’t need to be around that sad stuff in the hospital. I’ll swing by afterward.”
She wound her arms around his neck and said, “Mr. Whiskey, let me give you a little lesson in relationships. It’s okay to let people who care about you be there for you. That’s how coupledom works. You might not need me there, but if you’ll let me, I’d like to be there anyway. Just in case you need a hug, because even big, tough protectors need hugs sometimes.”
“What if I need to be kissed?” His eyes smoldered, and he pressed his lips to her neck.
Shivers ticked over her skin. “Mm. That could be arranged.”
“And touched?” He nipped at her jaw.
“Maybe in private,” she said coyly.
He brushed his lips over hers and said, “Ah, so you do want to touch my privates.”
Chapter Nine
FOR THE SECOND time in less than twenty-four hours, Bullet found himself sitting in front of Finlay’s house in his truck with a handful of flowers from his garden. Only this time there wasn’t a damn thing that could make him contemplate walking away. And just to be sure, last night he’d called Bones to talk about the flashbacks he’d had when he’d been dealing with the accident. Bones had reminded him of what he’d learned from his buddy, the therapist. And now, as he cut the engine, he was on the phone with his younger brother again. Bones had called to make sure he was still cool.
“I’m good, buddy. I’m sorry I called at such a crazy hour last night.”
Bones was fifteen months younger than Bullet, and to an observer they were about as different as two brothers could be. Not only was Bones a clean-cut professional to Bullet’s scruffy appearance and blue-collar job, but he also kept his ink carefully hidden from the eyes of his patients and peers, limiting his tats to his shoulders, torso, and above the knee, while Bullet’s body was a testament to all the hell he’d seen. But while they looked and acted different, the foundation of what they believed in and the creed by which they lived were the same.
“No worries,” Bones said. “I was just getting in from a party out in Pleasant Hill. I know last night you said you didn’t want to talk about Finlay, but B, if you’re going to be with her, you’ve got to clue her in about your past.”
“Dude, she’s more clued in than you are now,” Bullet admitted.
“This is me you’re talking to, B. Just tell me to shut my mouth. Don’t give me a load of horseshit.”
Bullet glanced up at Finlay’s house, his chest constricting with the memory of her expression when she’d seen his body and the hurt and confusion in her voice when he’d been honest about his personal life. “It’s true, bro. I have no idea what compelled me to be honest with her about all the shit in my head, but she didn’t run, and she didn’t tell me I was too fucked up for her.”
Bones was quiet for a beat too long.
“Spit it out, Bones,” Bullet said angrily. “You think when I go to pick her up today she’ll blow me off now that she’s had time to think about it?” He’d been worrying about the same thing since he’d gotten up that morning.
“No, man. Just the opposite. You’ve never let anyone into your head. Hell, B, it took you almost dying to reach out to me, and you still haven’t come clean to the rest of the family about what really happened with your medical discharge.”
Bullet mindlessly rubbed his hand over his chest and side, where scars marked the end of his military career. “Your point?”
“My point is, you must feel a hell of a lot for Finlay for you to let her in. You’re an incredibly smart, capable, bighearted guy, and it sounds like you found someone who sees those qualities in you, the way the rest of us do.”
“You make me sound like a pussy.”
“No. I just make you sound human, and you hate that.” Bones laughed and added, “What are you going to do about the whole sleeping with Tink thing?”
