Page 52 of Falling for His Best Friend

Having baby Lizzie there was a good distraction but Joe could see Kitty getting antsy as Cam’s mother monopolised the baby. Joe couldn’t blame her. Lizzie was her first, and probably only, grandchild, but he knew that Kitty felt a connection that no one else did when it came to the baby.

As Cam and Jess’s friends started to leave, Joe managed to persuade Kitty to go for a walk with him. He thought she might need some space, and he needed to talk to her. They didn’t get further than the park down the street, but sitting on the park bench in the quiet of twilight gave them a chance to talk without interruption.

‘Cam’s father told me they’re planning on staying in Sydney for a while to give Cam a hand,’ he said as he sat beside Kitty. ‘What are your plans?’ He kept his gaze fixed on a gum tree in the distance, unfocussed and non-confrontational, as he asked his question.

‘I can’t make plans,’ Kitty replied flatly. She sounded upset and confused and he was worried about her. He knew she struggled to cope with situations like this—losing people she loved.

‘You’re welcome to move back in with me if you like. Let Cam have some time with his family and the baby?’

‘I’m his family too,’ she replied. ‘I’m Lizzie’s mother.’

‘You’re her aunt, Kitty.’ He knew the paperwork had been signed, officially transferring Lizzie’s parentage to Cam and Jess. Kitty was Lizzie’s birth mother but she had no claim on her now.

Kitty was shaking her head. ‘I can’t leave the baby. She’s all I have left.’

Joe should have seen this coming. He knew Kitty had a fear of being abandoned herself. She’d lost first her younger sister, then her parents, and now Jess. He knew she saw the baby as a part of her. In a way, the baby was a part of her—but not one she got to keep. He couldn’t believe no one had seen this coming. Wasn’t this the sort of thing that should have been anticipated from the counselling sessions prior to the surrogacy? He could understand how a baby would satisfy Kitty’s need to have someone to love, to have someone who wouldn’t leave her. Was it any wonder she was having difficulty letting Lizzie go? But Lizzie wasn’t the child that would fix all this. Kitty needed to move on. She needed to create a life for herself. A family for herself. She didn’t get to keep Jess’s.

‘I understand you’re sad, Kitty, I know you’re hurting, but you can’t be a substitute for Jess. Cam and Lizzie were her life. Her family. You need to have your own.’

‘I know you think you understand, Joe, but you don’t know what it’s like to lose everybody. I can’t let them go too.’

‘I can help you, Kitty. Come home with me.’

‘Please don’t make this about you, Joe. I can’t think about you at the moment.’ She stood up from the bench and started walking.

Joe walked with her, in silence. He couldn’t let her go alone, but who was he to say she was wrong about him not understanding what it was like. One thing Joe knew he did understand was her, but he couldn’t stop the feeling that Kitty was removing herself emotionally from him. He’d always been there for her, available to pick up the pieces, but maybe she didn’t want that any more.

Maybe she didn’t want him.

She was walking away but he wasn’t prepared to let her go. He couldn’t. She was upset but he couldn’t, he wouldn’t, abandon her. He knew that was her greatest fear and he wasn’t about to leave her too. But he knew it wasn’t only up to him.

If Kitty chose to walk away there wasn’t much he could do.

* * *

Kitty missed Joe, but she was trying desperately to hold onto her family, or what she had left of them. She missed him terribly but she couldn’t bring herself to abandon Lizzie and Cam. She needed them and she was certain they needed her. They would always be family. In her mind that meant they were there to stay. Until death do us part. She’d only been parted from the rest of her family by death. She would hold onto them with everything she had. Even if that meant giving up Joe. He didn’t need her. Not like Lizzie did. She needed to stay strong for Lizzie.

Normally she would have relied on Joe to give her that strength, but she didn’t want to depend on him now. He wouldn’t be there for her for ever. For ever was a long time. Eventually she would have to manage without him, and she should start getting used to it now. Their relationship wasn’t serious. It wasn’t ever going to last. He would never commit—she knew they wanted different things in life, and she couldn’t expect him to hang around. At some point he’d grow bored with her, or see something better. He’d told her that’s exactly what his parents did and he was convinced he was cut from the same cloth. Kitty had no reason to doubt him. As long as she’d known him he’d never had a long-term relationship.

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