Page 50 of Falling for His Best Friend

He stood rooted to the spot as a wave of emotion flooded him. What if that was his baby she was holding?

The idea filled him with a longing that was almost painful. For the first time in his life he could picture a future that had more than him, alone in the frame. What if this was his future? Kitty, and a family of their own?

He was still standing stunned and mesmerised in the doorway when Kitty looked up and saw him.

‘Hi. You have perfect timing,’ she said as she took Lizzie from her breast and pulled her top down. Watching her, Joe felt another pang of longing. Not sexual but visceral. He wanted Kitty. He wanted to make her his. He didn’t want to live without her. Couldn’t live without her. ‘Would you mind holding Lizzie while I have a shower?’

She got out of bed and handed the baby to him without waiting for his answer, completely unaware of the thoughts racing through his head.

He looked down at the tiny bundle that was swaddled in his arms and imagined she was his and Kitty’s. He knew then that this was what he wanted. He wanted Kitty to have his babies. He wanted to be part of her entire life. He wanted to feel her swollen, pregnant belly and know that part of him was within her.

‘I can’t put her straight down after a feed,’ Kitty was saying, ‘and I need to get ready.’

‘Ready for what?’ he asked.

‘I’m going home today.’

‘Home?’

‘To Jess and Cam’s. I’m going to express milk for Lizzie and it makes sense to all be together. Lizzie has to live with Cam and Jess for at least thirty days before they can apply to transfer her parentage.’

Joe had seen Jess; he wasn’t sure that she’d last that long.

‘They don’t want time together, just the three of them?’ he asked, but as soon as the words were out of his mouth he could tell by Kitty’s expression that he’d upset her. He knew she thought he was implying she wouldn’t be welcome. He started to tell her that wasn’t what he’d meant but Kitty was already talking.

‘Jess needs me there.’ Kitty’s voice was tight. She was definitely upset and her eyes were still dark, haunted by pain and loss. ‘She won’t be able to manage on her own, she’s not well enough. I’m not there just to help with Lizzie, I’m going to be Jess’s palliative care nurse. Jess wants to spend time with her family and that includes me.’

Joe’s heart ached for Kitty and for all the people she had lost and was yet to lose. His heart ached for her future. And for his. For all the things he couldn’t give her back. Was she leaving him before he could leave her?

He hadn’t seen that coming. He’d assumed they’d be able to sort things out, but it seemed he’d been naïve. He would lose Kitty unless he could show her he could be the man she needed.

He loved her, and he wanted to build a future with her. A future and a family of their own—and he knew there was only one way to make that happen.

* * *

Kitty’s life had become one long series of appointments. She seemed to spend her days waiting. Waiting for the paediatrician, the obstetrician, the oncologist, and waiting for Jess to have her radiotherapy sessions. But it wasn’t helping.

Kitty didn’t want to admit it but she was waiting for Jess to die. They all were. Jess was struggling more every day. Struggling with the pain, struggling to breathe, struggling to talk and struggling to eat. She was fading before Kitty’s eyes and Kitty didn’t think she could bear it. The only time Jess looked at peace was when she was holding her daughter.

Yesterday’s appointment had at least been something a bit different. They’d been to court and Lizzie’s parentage had been transferred from Kitty to Cam and Jess. Kitty was no longer officially Lizzie’s mother. Jess had got her wish—she had her daughter.

But Kitty was scared now about what that meant. She knew that this was what Jess had been waiting for. Her sister had been barely holding on. All that had kept her going were the milestones she had created to tick off. One—the surrogacy. Two—waiting for Lizzie. Three—waiting to officially become Lizzie’s mother. And now she’d achieved all those things. She was a mother. Jess had given Cam his daughter, created a family. And now she could say goodbye.

* * *

Kitty’s knees buckled as Jess’s coffin was lowered into the ground. Joe’s arm tightened around her waist, supporting her, offering comfort, but he wasn’t sure she was even aware of his presence. She certainly hadn’t turned to him for support after Jess had died just over a week ago. Kitty had just locked herself away with Cam and the baby, and Joe was beginning to think she was lost to him for ever. She seemed to have cut Joe out of her life without warning.

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