Page 40 of Falling for His Best Friend

‘It’s difficult because of where it has spread to.’

‘Can you get rid of it? Can you operate?’

The oncologist was shaking her head. ‘It’s inoperable. The cancer is in both lungs and the brain. What it means is that treatment will focus on relieving Jess’s symptoms, but we won’t be able to cure it. I’m sorry. The best we can do is try to slow the spread.’

‘With what?’

‘Chemotherapy or radiotherapy. But any treatment will be palliative only.’

‘Buying me time?’ Jess found her voice and it caught in her throat as she spoke. ‘Is that all you can do?’

The oncologist nodded. ‘That’s right. I’m very sorry.’

The doctor kept apologising but Jess barely heard her. All she heard was that the cancer had returned and she was on borrowed time.

‘How long do I have?’

‘With or without treatment?’

‘Without.’

‘Jess—’ Cam started to speak but Jess stopped him.

‘No, Cam, please, just listen. There is no cure, no fix and I really don’t think I can go through chemo again. I need to know what my options are.’ As an expectant mother, she would do whatever it took to ensure she got to hold her child, but she didn’t want to be so sick from chemo that she couldn’t enjoy the experience. Dr Tennant was telling her that treatment was palliative only. It wasn’t going to give her any longer on this earth and therefore she needed to weigh up the positives and the negatives. ‘My choice very much depends on what I can expect to gain from treatment. But it is my choice.’

She turned back to Dr Tennant. ‘How long do I have?’ she repeated.

‘That’s hard to say. The cancer is spreading rapidly. Weeks certainly. Months maybe.’

Weeks.

Kitty was thirty weeks pregnant. Jess couldn’t let go now. ‘You have to keep me alive for another ten weeks. I have to see my baby.’ Her voice broke and she was shaking violently as tears spilled over her lashes onto her cheeks. ‘I need to hold my baby. Please. Even just once. Tell me what I have to do.’

‘Thoracic radiotherapy is your best option,’ the oncologist suggested.

‘Radiotherapy?’ Cam queried. ‘Not chemo?’

‘Chemo is an option but not your best one,’ the doctor spoke to Jess. ‘The dose would be high, which means a higher level of toxicity. That would be OK if you were otherwise well, but you have other symptoms. In your case, radiotherapy will be more appropriate.’

‘What about side effects?’ Cam asked. Despite the fact that the treatment would be palliative and meant to give Jess relief from pain they both knew there were always side effects.

‘The shortness of breath may get worse,’ Dr Tennant said, ‘and patients often have trouble swallowing, which can make eating difficult obviously. Also, if the radiation is given close to the stomach then you may experience nausea. But studies have shown that the level of comfort provided or the quality of life can be extended by about fifty per cent. I can’t give you any guarantees but radiotherapy is your best chance of getting some relief.’

‘So maybe some relief but not more time?’ Jess said. This list didn’t sound that different from the symptoms she was already experiencing. She wondered if it was worth it.

Dr Tennant shook her head. ‘No. Time is something I can’t give you.’

‘I’ll need to think about it,’ Jess replied. ‘Have I got time to do that?’

‘Yes. Radiotherapy is not going to change the outcome. All I can offer you is some relief. It’s up to you when you need that.’

‘What are we going to tell Kitty?’ Cam asked as they left the hospital. He had his arm around his wife, supporting her.

‘Nothing,’ Jess replied. ‘Not yet.’ She was still shaking even though she wasn’t cold, and she knew enough to recognise it as a manifestation of shock. She clung to Cam’s hand, needing some of his strength. She wasn’t strong enough to face this without him and she prayed he would support her decision about Kitty too.

‘We can’t keep this a secret.’

Jess realised that, but she needed time to process what she’d just heard and work out how to tell her sister. She had always appreciated the fact that Dr Tennant had never sugar-coated her opinion. She dealt in facts. But now the facts weren’t what Jess wanted to hear. Now she realised exactly what the term harsh reality meant. Next she had to figure out how to deal with it. ‘Please,’ she begged. ‘I need some time to work out what to say. You know how Kitty gets with bad news. She won’t handle it well, and I’m worried about the baby.’

---