Page 89 of Killer Secrets (Tempting SEALs 5)

A small smile tugged at his lips. Lips she loved to kiss, loved to feel on her flesh.

"She said pretty much the same thing. She said we can't save everyone, but we can damned sure as hell fight to save those we love. And she loved me. She would die for me. She nearly died." His tobacco gaze darkened, grew fiery. "But she taught me something, Kira. She taught me that we can only do our best. You've done your best. Tehya survived, and God willing, she'll survive this along with the rest of us. But you can only do your best, not beat yourself up because you missed something or someone. It makes you weak. And you can't afford to be weak right now."

His fingertips stroked down her cheek as he stared back at her, his rough-hewn face creased into lines of concern as his lips drew her gaze again.

"I should have known." She shook her head as another tear fell and pain roughened her voice. "It's in her eyes, it was in her eyes then, and I didn't pay attention. She was right there in my face and I didn't see the child she was, or the desperation in her eyes."

"Did you see it in mine?" he asked her then. "Every time I saw you—"

"You got horny." She smiled at the thought, her voice husky.

"Hornier than hell," he agreed. "And desperate to taste you."

"I saw that." She sniffed. "I felt it."

"I looked forward to seeing you. Every time I knew you were close, I looked for you."

"You're trying to distract me," she said, sighing. "You should let me kick myself a while longer."

"No kicking allowed." He cupped her face in his hands and drew her forward, his lips moving to the tears that streaked her face, kissing them away, filling her with a warmth, a need, she had only found in Ian's arms.

"I was married once," she told him, wondering why the hell that had fallen from her lips.

Ian drew back and stared at her silently for long minutes before nodding slowly. "I know."

"He left me." She fought to still the trembling of her lips. "Did you know he left me?"

She was shaking, which really made no sense. It was so long ago. A lifetime ago.

"I knew he filed for the divorce." He was so tender. He pushed her hair back again, leaned forward and kissed the corner of her trembling lips.

"Because he didn't know me." She could barely force the words out. "Because I didn't let him know me. Didn't let him know that every time I left town on business for Uncle Jason that I was facing more danger than he could imagine. He couldn't have handled it. He would have demanded that I stop, and I couldn't stop."

He tilted his head and stared at her curiously, waiting, watching, his gaze understanding. She wanted to scream at him, wanted him to understand that she was flawed, that she didn't always see the things that she should, that she didn't always do the things she should.

She wanted to warn him that she was betraying him, but if she did, God help her, if she did, he would make certain she didn't have the chance.

"And you couldn't handle telling him the truth." His hands stroked over her shoulders, her upper arms.

"He would have felt betrayed," she whispered.

He nodded again. "You were his wife, it was his job to stand beside you, Kira. It wasn't your job to protect him from the truth."

That was such a male point of view, and one guaranteed to piss her off. She opened her lips to argue when she found his fingers pressed against them.

"It's instinct," he said then. "For centuries, it's been our job to protect our home, our women, and our children. We're emotional cowards. We don't talk about our feelings, we're not comfortable putting our soul into words. So we give of ourselves the only way we know how. We protect. We smother those we love in protection, fight for ways to keep them always safe, even from what we deem as a threat from themselves. It's in our genes, Kira. Right or wrong. Emotions are harder for a man to voice, strength is much easier for us to show. It's not an insult, it's the way men show their emotions for those they love. You can't change it."

"I can protect myself."

"And you shouldn't have to, no more than Tehya should have had to. She should have been protected, cosseted from the evil of the world, and sheltered from a father's madness. Instead, she learned to fight, and she learned to survive. Just as you learned from different circumstances. I don't want to steal your strength. And accepting that you can walk beside me, rather than allowing me to clear your path, isn't always easy. Men don't ask their women to walk behind them because they think they're inferior. They do it because they want to shelter them."

"Because they love," she whispered painfully.

Fear slammed inside her now. She jumped to her feet, stumbling to get around him, staring back at him in overwhelming panic as he slowly straightened.

"You don't love me." He couldn't love her. She couldn't allow it, not yet. It was okay to love him, to know he would walk away from her when this was over because of what she had been sent to do. But not like this. She couldn't betray his love. Oh God, don't let him love her.

"I don't?" he questioned her, his raspy voice stroking over her nerve endings, surging through her with equal parts pleasure and fear.

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