“Well, it’s what I’m like now.”
“Is it because of Mitch? I’m not married anymore,” she finally whispered, like some sort of invitation to his worst impulses. “He’s not between us.”
Mitch would always be between them. Every time Jesse looked at her, he saw Mitch in that burning helicopter. Every time he thought of her he was reminded of all the reasons he couldn’t have her. And having her so close and still so far out of reach hurt worse than any of his injuries.
And he just couldn’t take it.
“We need to get something straight.” He propped himself against the bench because his knee seemed suddenly weak. “Whatever you think happened, whatever you think it meant—” he leaned forward and spoke real slow just so she got the point “—it didn’t.”
Her pale skin glowed red at her cheeks.
“We won’t be friends,” he continued.
“But—”
He stepped in closer.
“Ever.”
Stepping closer was a mistake. The atmosphere between them sizzled and glowed with electricity. She breathed hard, her mouth parted and her eyes fell to his lips. He could feel every cell of her body reaching toward him because every cell in his body was doing the same.
Good God! How much did a man have to take?
“We’re both alone in this town. I thought—”
“I’m going to say this one more time. Real slow.’ Cause you don’t seem to be getting it. I do not want a friend and I don’t want anything else you’re offering me.”
“I’m not…”
He smiled, mirroring all the slick men he’d known who’d hurt countless women. “Yes, sweetheart, you are. And I don’t want it.”
He stared into the endless blue of her eyes, willing her to accept what she could not change and get the hell out of his garage before he fell apart in front of her.
SHE BURNED. She burned with her shame and desire. She couldn’t breathe for the pain of wanting him and hating him. She reached for the stroller and fought tears.
“Thank you,” she whispered and pulled the stroller from his hands. For a moment, a mere second, he didn’t let go. Her gaze crept to his. For the briefest flash the look in his eyes was the very same look he’d given her that morning in Germany.
She wasn’t the only one who burned with want.
He let go of the stroller and turned away from her, his broad back looking so strong yet so terribly wounded in the half light.
A wild current traveled over her skin.
She could leave. She could continue doing the things people told her to do. She could fill out a million applications. She could marry another man who was completely wrong for her. She could live with her mother or, worse, remain in the charity of her in-laws. She could walk out of this garage and avoid Jesse until he left, or she did.
She could do all of that.
It was what she was good at—what she’d done her whole life. Allowed other people’s wants and expectations to dictate her life.
And where has it gotten you? she wondered, bitterness sliding through her blood like anger.
To this moment. This moment when she could change everything.
“You’re lying.” The strength of her voice surprised her, jolted her shoulders back and her head up. “You don’t want me to leave.”
“This isn’t a game, Julia.” He didn’t face her, and her sudden knowledge of him, her ability to see through his sharp armor, filled her with a power she’d never dreamed of possessing.
“I know that, Jesse.”
She took a step closer and finally he turned. She took a deep breath, relieved to see that all of his put-on anger, his cruelty and indifference, were gone.
This was the man she’d known in Germany.
“I killed your husband.” His voice seemed dredged from the depths of his throat.
She gasped, horrified that he felt that way, that he should carry that guilt.
“That’s not true.” She believed it to her bones. Mitch had been on his own path to destruction for too long to need someone else to take him there.
His nostrils flared and his lips went white and thin. “It doesn’t matter what you think. Your husband’s dead and it’s my fault.” He shook his head. “Your stroller’s fixed, now just go.”