Page 54 of His Best Friend's Baby

Being in here with her brought it all back, those things he thought he’d forgotten. The rare good islands in the sea of rot that’d been his childhood.

And now hot memories of Julia were thrown into the mix and he couldn’t look over there without thinking of her. Pressed against him, her breast in his palm.

He shut his eyes.

“Mac and I are having a baby.”

His eyes flew back open. Something small and weak ignited in his head. “What?”

“We’re having a baby.” Rachel smiled, though the tears in her green eyes stood out like gems. “In December.”

Jesse was speechless. Surprised, actually, that he felt something about this. That he could be moved by this news.

“Mac is at the lumberyard right now, picking out wood. We’d like you to make a cradle.”

“I don’t do that anymore,” he said.

“Well, I know you probably didn’t have time in the army, but maybe while you’re here. If you stay…we’d like you to stay.”

The words weren’t out of Rachel’s mouth before Amanda came running into the room as if she were on fire. He didn’t have a chance to say no, to even shake off the sickening desire he had to do just what his sister wanted.

Something in his gut wanted to sit in this kitchen with the ghosts of his sweet childhood sister and the hot available Julia circling him.

Quicksand.

I am never drinking again, he thought.

“Whoa, Mom, you’re never going to guess who I just saw—” Amanda stopped abruptly, her shoes squeaking on the old linoleum. “What’s going on?” she asked, warily eyeing him and Rachel.

“I just told your uncle about the good news.” Rachel wiped at the tears under her eyes and Jesse held the tissues to his nose.

“Isn’t it great!” Amanda cried. “I swear to God, I’m like the only person in the world without a little brother or sister. I mean, Mom always says that having you as a little brother was the coolest thing in the world. That she and Dad used to go camping with you all the time and that you followed them around wherever they went.” She shook her head. “I cannot wait!”

There were explosions in his brain. Memories long suppressed. Wood smoke and Mac playing Eagles songs on a beat-up guitar. Jesse falling asleep with his head in Rachel’s lap while the fire burned out.

She used to let him sleep in her room.

She used to put him on the handlebars of her bike and ride him to school.

She used to make breakfast when Dad was passed out and Mom was at work.

He moved the tissues and stared down at the blood pooled there. He’d forgotten those things. Her leaving had cut through his life like a wide scythe.

“I have to leave sometime,” he said thinking about San Diego and Chris.

“But maybe not for a while,” Rachel said. “Not right away.”

“You should come for dinner Sunday. Dad’s making steaks,” Amanda said and licked her lips in exaggerated appreciation of steak.

“We’d love to have you,” Rachel said, hope, like mist filling the air.

All the rejection and denial rushed to his lips. No, and, I can’t, and, get the hell out of my house! He was silent instead.

To avoid giving an answer he pressed the tissues to his nose again, even though it had stopped bleeding.

“We better get going,” Rachel finally said, taking the hint.

“Hey, with that eye and stuff, you’re going to need help around here again,” his niece said, her eyebrows arched in a purely speculative way. “I don’t want to take advantage of a man when he’s down, but I’ll give you a deal on my salary.”

“I never paid you a salary,” he said, glad the tissues covered his smile.

“All things we should discuss.” She nodded her head, like some old sage. “I better stop by tomorrow.”

“Amanda, leave him alone before he decides to strangle you,” Rachel called from the other room and Amanda smiled at him as if they were old conspirators. He supposed they were. She whirled, her hair a pretty blond fan behind her, and was gone.

The echo of their voices, the sound of Rachel’s truck starting up and leaving, all faded away. Wain emerged from one of the back bedrooms where he’d taken to chewing on the corner of some carpet that had come up and he sat on Jesse’s foot.

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