"Don't you have to be born an aristocrat?" Beep was saying.
"Even in the oldest families there has to be a first one," Jasper said. "But nowadays we have life peers, who don't pass the title to their heirs. Mrs. Leckwith will be a life peer."
"Will we have to curtsey to her?"
Jasper laughed. "No, idiot."
"Will the queen be there for the ceremony?"
"No."
"How disappointing!"
Evie whispered: "Stupid bitch."
They went into the Palace of Westminster by the Lords Entrance. They were greeted by a man in court dress, including knee breeches and silk stockings. Dave heard his grandmother say in her lilting Welsh accent: "Obsolete uniforms are a sure sign of an institution in need of reform."
Dave and Evie had been coming to the Parliament building all their lives, but it was a new experience for the Dewars, and they marveled. Beep forgot to be charmingly dizzy and said: "Every surface is decorated! Floor tiles, patterned carpets, wallpaper, wood paneling, stained glass, and carved stone!"
Jasper looked at her with more interest. "It's typical Victorian Gothic."
"Oh, really?"
Dave was beginning to get irritated with the way Jasper was impressing Beep.
The party split, most of them following an usher up several flights to a gallery overlooking the debating chamber. Ethel's friends were already there. Beep sat next to Jasper, but Dave managed to sit the other side of her, and Evie slid in beside him. Dave had often visited the House of Commons, at the other end of the same palace, but this was more ornate, and had red leather benches instead of green.
After a long wait there was a stir of activity below and his grandmother came in, walking in line with four other people, all dressed in funny hats and extremely silly robes with fur trimmings. Beep said: "This is amazing!" but Dave and Evie giggled.
The procession stopped in front of a throne, and Grandmam knelt down, not without difficulty--she was sixty-eight. There was a lot of passing round of scrolls that had to be read aloud. Dave's mother, Daisy, was explaining the ceremony in a low voice to Beep's parents, tall Woody and plump Bella, but Dave tuned her out. It was all bollocks really.
After a while Ethel and two of her escorts went and sat on one of the benches. Then followed the funniest part of all.
They sat down, then immediately stood up again. They took off their hats and bowed. They sat down and put their hats back on again. Then they went through the whole thing again, looking for all the world like three marionettes on strings: stand up, hats off, bow, sit down, hats on. By this time Dave and Evie were helpless with suppressed laughter. Then they did it a third time. Dave heard his sister splutter: "Stop, please stop!" which made him giggle even more. Daisy directed a stern blue-eyed glare at them, but she was too full of fun herself not to see the funny side, and in the end she grinned too.
At last it was over and Ethel left the chamber. Her family and friends stood up. Dave's mother led them through a maze of corridors and staircases to a basement room for the party. Dave checked that his guitar was safe in a corner. He and Evie were going to perform, though she was the star: he was merely her accompanist.
Within a few minutes there were abou
t a hundred people in the room.
Evie buttonholed Jasper and started asking him about the student newspaper. The subject was close to his heart, and he answered with enthusiasm, but Dave was sure Evie was onto a loser. Jasper was a boy who knew how to look after his own interests. Right now he had luxurious lodgings, rent-free, a short bus ride from his college. He was not likely to destabilize that comfortable situation by beginning a romance with the daughter of the house, in Dave's cynical opinion.
However, Evie took Jasper's attention away from Beep, leaving the field clear for Dave. He got her a ginger beer and asked her what she thought of the ceremony. Surreptitiously, she poured vodka into their soft drinks. A minute later everyone applauded as Ethel came in, dressed now in normal clothes, a red dress and matching coat with a small hat perched on her silver curls. Beep whispered: "She must have been drop-dead gorgeous, once upon a time."
Dave found it creepy to think about his grandmother as an attractive woman.
Ethel began to speak. "It's such a pleasure to share this occasion with all of you," she said. "I'm only sorry my beloved Bernie didn't live to see this day. He was the wisest man I ever knew."
Granddad Bernie had died a year ago.
"It is strange to be addressed as 'my lady,' especially for a lifelong socialist," she went on, and everyone laughed. "Bernie would ask me whether I had beaten my enemies or just joined them. So let me assure you that I have joined the peerage in order to abolish it."
They applauded.
"Seriously, comrades, I gave up being the member of Parliament for Aldgate because I felt it was time to let someone younger take over, but I haven't retired. There is too much injustice in our society, too much bad housing and poverty, too much hunger in the world--and I may have only twenty or thirty campaigning years left!"
That got another laugh.