Page 119 of Edge of Eternity (The Century 3)

They retreated to a corner of the room and sat down. He gazed at the front of her dress, remembering her little breasts with their pointed nipples.

She said: "You have to stop staring at me."

He felt foolish. "I wasn't staring at you," he said, though it was obviously not true.

She ignored that. "If you keep it up even the men will notice."

"I'm sorry, I can't help it." Dimka was downcast. This was not the intimate, happy conversation he had foreseen.

"No one must know what we did." She looked scared.

Dimka felt as if he were talking to a different person from the cheerfully sexy girl who had seduced him only the day before yesterday. He said: "Well, I'm not planning to go around telling people, but I didn't know it was a state secret."

"I'm married!"

"Are you planning to stay with Nik?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"Do you have any children?"

"No."

"People get divorced."

"My husband would never agree to a divorce."

Dimka stared at her. Obviously that was not the end of the matter: a woman might get a divorce against her husband's will. But this discussion was not really about the legal situation. Natalya was in some kind of panic. Dimka said: "Why did you do it, anyway?"

"I thought we were all going to die!"

"And now you regret it?"

"I'm married!" she said again.

That did not answer his question, but he guessed he was not going to get any more from her.

Boris Kozlov, another of Khrushchev's aides, called across the canteen: "Dimka! Come on!"

Dimka stood up. "Can we talk again soon?" he murmured.

Natalya looked down and said nothing.

Boris said: "Dimka, let's go!"

He left.

The Presidium discussed Khrushchev's proposal for most of the day. There were complications. Would the Americans insist on inspecting the launch sites to verify that they had been deactivated? Would Castro accept inspection? Would Castro promise not to accept nuclear weapons from any other source, for example China? Still Dimka thought it represented the best yet hope of peace.

Meanwhile, Dimka thought about Nina and Natalya. Before this morning's conversation, he had thought it was up to him which of the two women he wanted. He now realized he had deluded himself into thinking the choice was his to make.

Natalya was not going to leave her husband.

He realized he was crazy for Natalya in a way he had never been for Nina. Every time there was a tap on his office door he hoped it was Natalya. In his memory he replayed their time together over and over, obsessively hearing again everything she said, up to the unforgettable words: "Oh, Dimka, I adore you."

It was not I love you but it was close.

But she would not get a divorce.

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