Page 80 of Summer of the Viking

Valdar hated that his heart leapt. ‘If she needs to, she can send for me. She can send word north and ask for Valdar Nerison of Raumerike.’

‘You are going, then? You are not going to fight for her?’

Valdar stared at the young girl. ‘I can fight everyone but your stepmother. I can’t fight her. She holds my heart.’

‘You had better take Purebright. He’s not much of a horse for a warrior, but he is steadfast and true.’

‘He is your pony.’

‘That’s why I want you to have him. So you will have something to remember us by.’

Valdar nodded, unable to speak. He regarded Merri for a long time. He wondered if he should tell her what he had planned. He put his hands on her shoulders.

‘You tell her that as long as she wears that ring, she will never be alone. Can you do that for me?’

Merri nodded.

‘Good girl.’

‘You’re not really going to go.’

‘I love her. Once I know she will survive, I will heed her wish.’

‘If you marry my stepmother, will that make you my father?’

‘You are getting ahead of yourself.’

‘A girl has to have dreams.’

‘A warrior as well.’

Once he knew Alwynn was going to keep her lands and her life, he’d leave. But right now, he had to make sure she didn’t need his help. And the best way to do that was to make her think he had gone.

He used to long for someone to remember him, to tell his life story, but now he knew love was about far more. And he knew he’d love Alwynn with his dying breath and that it was not a curse, but a privilege. He could at last understand why Kara had waited. For Alwynn, he could wait for ten times seven years.

* * *

‘Stepmother!’ Merri came running up to Alwynn where she sat, pretending to tablet weave. ‘Stepmother! Why did you do it?’

‘Do what?’ Alwynn put down the shuttle and concentrated on her stepdaughter.

‘Send Valdar away.’

Alwynn let out a breath. Her entire being felt encased in ice. The world grew a little darker. She put her hand on her stomach.

Earlier, her insides had clenched and she knew her monthly time had come as well. She wished she wasn’t barren. It would have been good to have a child, Valdar’s child. She hadn’t dared even hope and now all he would ever be was a memory. She pushed the thought from her brain. Some unknown dream child was of much less importance than Valdar’s safety.

She concentrated on the weaving and knew her threads were hopelessly muddled. ‘So he has gone before the king arrives. Good.’

‘I wanted him to take Purebright, but he refused.’

‘He knew how much Purebright loves you. Purebright would be unhappy to leave you.’

Merri’s eyes shimmered. ‘I wanted him to stay. Everything was better when he was here. Things actually worked. I could stop being nervous and you were happy. I know you were.’

‘We survived before Valdar. I dare say we will survive after. Wherever it is, we will be together.’ Alwynn refused to think about her forthcoming confrontation with Lord Edwin and the king. There was no need for Merri to know what she had planned. Merri would be better off. Everyone would be. The only trouble was that right now her insides were torn to shreds.

‘How do you do it, Stepmother? How can you be so serene? Don’t you care?’

‘I care, Merri, but I have to think of the land and my people.’

‘I told Valdar you wore his ring and he still didn’t stay. He said that as long as you wore it, you would never be alone. Honestly I don’t understand adults.’ Merri screwed up her nose. ‘Will you wear it on your hand, rather than secretly under your clothes?’

Alwynn pulled the ring from out of her gown and slipped it on her finger. Somehow it felt right. ‘For a little while.’

Merri smiled up at her. ‘I wish things had worked out with Valdar. I kept hoping he’d find a reason to stay.’

‘I’m pleased he found a reason to go.’

* * *

Alwynn went over to Gode’s pallet where she lay in the small hall. Every time Alwynn had come in since the Northmen’s attack, the old woman had her eyes firmly shut and had turned her face to the wall.

‘You are breathing too steadily to be asleep,’ she said quietly. ‘You can’t avoid me for ever.’

Gode opened one eye. ‘Maybe I don’t want to talk. Maybe I want silence. Helps with the healing, according to the monks.’

‘You were born talking, Gode. You will be talking with your last breath. Why did you keep it a secret?’

‘Should have told you before now, I guess,’ the old woman admitted with a grimace, raising herself up on one elbow. ‘But you had enough to do.’

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