Page 76 of Summer of the Viking

But she also knew someone had to tell him what she had done and why. What he faced. She had just not expected it to be so difficult.

‘That is over between us. That was then and this is now.’ She pressed her hands together and tried not to remember how soft and yielding his lips were against her hand. ‘What passed between us should never have happened. It must never happen again.’

‘I love you, Alwynn. I’ve been lying here, racking my brains, trying to figure out a way we can be together.’ He caught her hands in his good one. ‘Tell me that you can see beyond my past. That you can see the real me. Tell me that you want me to be that man for always.’

She hated that her heart leapt anew and screamed yes. She dampened it down. He had used her before and now he was attempting to use her again. She withdrew her hands.

‘You want me to abandon my home and go north with you to an uncertain future.’

‘I have land. A great estate. My sister-in-law would welcome you.’

‘And the woman you thought you loved?’ She hated that the beginnings of tears pricked her eyes. ‘Valdar, you don’t know what love is. You knew what would happen once I found out. You didn’t risk your heart at all. You’ve no idea about love and honesty.’

He closed his eyes. ‘It might be tricky at the start, but I’m confident my jaarl would reach the right decision.’

‘One which favours you.’

‘We could find a life there. But if he decides against me, we can find somewhere else. There will be a place that we can be together. I’ve a strong arm and am not afraid to work hard, but we belong together.’

She stared at him.

That she actually was prepared to think about it frightened her. She was supposed to hate him. She had come here to tell him how much she hated him. And now her heart was screaming that she should say that she would go to the ends of the earth on little more than a promise. That she should accept this man who had lied to her.

‘When did you know the Northmen were here?’ Her voice broke as she stumbled to get the last few words out. ‘The truth.’

‘Once I learnt of Oswald’s story about seeing the boat for the second time, I figured out that they had to be around,’ he admitted. ‘Girmir is no navigator. He would never have been able to get home and raise another felag in that short amount of time. And it could be no other boat because of the figurehead.’

‘So you knew.’

‘The gods had truly given me a chance to start over, or so I thought. I could fulfil my obligation to Horik’s shade, kill Girmir, and everything would be fine. I wanted to find them and confront them before they did any more harm.’ He raised up on an elbow and his eyes became lit with a fire. ‘Then I could concentrate on the life I wanted to lead with you, the one we both dreamt about.’

‘And you never thought to warn me or my people?’ She held out her hands. ‘Didn’t you think we deserved to know the monsters who prowled in the dark? Or were we to be bait for them?’

‘I was scared of losing you,’ he admitted. ‘What we had together...’

‘...was a lie,’ she finished for him. ‘From the very beginning to the end. It was built on an untruth. And you have lost me. Or rather, you never really had me to begin with. You should have told me who you were.’

‘I told you I was from Raumerike. There are many lands to the north filled with different kinds of people. We are not all raiders and pirates. I am a farmer and a merchant. I use my sword to defend, not to steal.’ His eyes flashed. ‘And you speak of me keeping my heart safe, but what about you, my lady? I may not be the perfect prince you thought I was, but I am still the man who fought for you, who risked his life for you.’

The room swam in front of her eyes. She wanted to go back to before she had ever met him. Or for this to be a nightmare. When she woke, she wanted to discover that he was whom she had thought he was—a warrior from a foreign country, but not a Northman, not one of those barbarians.

‘Impossible,’ she whispered. ‘What you ask is impossible.’

Moving more swiftly than she thought possible, Valdar reached out and pulled her into his arms. She tumbled down against his chest and lay there, breathing in his heady scent.

Her heart gave a lurch and the insidious warm curl started in her nether regions. This was where she belonged: in his arms, in the arms of the man who had risked his life for her.

‘Valdar...’ She pushed against his chest and attempted to maintain her sanity. ‘This mustn’t happen. It is not why I came here. Let me go.’

‘Hush now. We’ve talked enough. More than enough.’

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