Page 57 of Summer of the Viking

‘If only it was that simple...’ Alwynn hated how her heart leapt. She had thought that she could keep her heart out of it, but she knew she hadn’t. Secretly she had been hoping that a solution would present itself, but asking Valdar to stay wasn’t one of them. His past was also his future. He needed to go back. He might not have a wife or children, but he had a family who loved him. ‘Think about the people he left behind. How sad they would be. It is better not to get too attached. He will go.’

Merri’s face took on a stubborn cast. ‘If he asked, would you go from here? Would you sail off to his great estate? Would you leave us all?’

Alwynn held out her hands. There was little point in explaining that it had been all she could think of for a few days until she’d looked at Merri’s latest attempt at tablet weaving and had known it didn’t matter if he asked or not. Her answer would be the same. ‘What? Leave you? How could you think that? My life is here.’

As she said the words, she knew they were true. She had a responsibility to the people who lived here and she took that responsibility seriously.

‘Is it because of me you won’t go? Some day you might wish you had.’

When Merri turned her face away, Alwynn went and sat beside her. She gathered Merri’s small hands within her own. ‘I promised you when you were a little girl and missing your mother. Remember? I’ll see you safely married and settled on your own estate. I love you as surely as I would love my own child, if I’d been granted such a blessing.’

Somehow that steady ache to hold her own child had grown less in the past few days. Theodbald was wrong. She wasn’t something less than a woman simply because she hadn’t borne a child.

Merri tilted her head to one side. ‘I think you have done more than just kiss him.’

Alwynn pretended to be very interested in the arrangement of Purebright’s straw. The pony let out a snort as if he agreed with Merri.

‘Well?’ Merri asked. ‘Are you going to tell me? What did Valdar do to get you to sing again?’

‘I refuse to answer that. It is none of your business. You shouldn’t know such things. You are far too young.’

Merri laughed. ‘I hardly live in a convent. I know what passes between a man and a woman. It was hard not to, stepping over the bodies after one of my father’s feasts.’

Alwynn pressed her hands together as guilt flooded through her. She had always thought that Merri was safely tucked in bed. She should have listened to Gode that Merri’s nurse was skittish and rather more inclined to spend the night with one of the grooms than look after her charge properly. ‘I wanted to spare you that.’

‘I am an early riser. And Mildreth was always missing on the morning after a feast day.’

‘You should have told me.’

‘And spoil my fun? Mildreth allowed me lots of freedom, unlike Gode, who would have been on me like a hound on a blood trail.’ Merri tucked her hair into her couvre-chef, making the cloth tilt worse than ever. ‘Besides, knowing about it is not the same as trying it myself.’

Alwynn turned around. Merri looked so grown-up, standing there with her jaw jutting out and her head back. She was growing up so quickly. ‘Young lady!’

‘You look far less careworn and your eyes sparkle. I have even heard you laugh. I can’t remember the last time you did that.’

‘There has been too little laughter recently.’

‘You deserve some happiness after all the hard work you put in to save this estate. I asked Gode about it a few days ago. She agreed with me. When you are happy, you are less cross with life.’

Alwynn pinched the bridge of her nose. She had been trying so hard. ‘How long have you known?’

Merri waved an airy hand. ‘Since we brought him from the beach... What about if you have a baby? My father has been dead for far too long to claim it is his.’

‘Merri!’

‘Stepmother. I’ve heard Gode gossiping about such things with Mildreth.’ She gave a smile which was pure Merri—half-innocence and half-rogue, but all things lovable. ‘You needn’t worry. I won’t give this secret away. If it comes to it, we will figure out a way to silence the priests and gossipmongers.’

Alwynn put a hand on her flat abdomen. Merri made it sound easy. But there was no good even considering such a thing.

‘Why did you go into the garden? You normally find another place to be.’ She nudged Merri in the ribs. ‘Too afraid of being made to weed.’

Merri wrinkled her nose. ‘I hate weeding. Mucking out after Purebright is much better. He shows his appreciation. Plants never do anything except curl their toes and die for me.’

---