Page 74 of Summer of the Viking

She had betrayed so many people in her headlong lust for Valdar. It was her fault and only she could make it right.

She stared at the pile of bodies and knew what she had to do. It was what she should have done days ago when Valdar first appeared. Going against the rules had not made her stronger. It had endangered everyone she cared about. And she had to do it right this time.

‘I need a rider! I need to send a message to the king.’

Chapter Thirteen

Valdar lay in Gode’s hut, alone. Alwynn’s words about not risking his heart circled around and around his brain. He could have explained about the curse, but what was the point? He had already lost her.

He had inwardly wept to see the pointless carnage. There had been nothing at that farm to interest Girmir. He had simply wanted to destroy. He did not believe for a heartbeat Girmir’s story about searching for the missing lad. Girmir had probably murdered Eirik Thorenson in the woods.

Somewhere there was a boat and the bounty from the voyage, assuming it had not all been lost during the storm. By rights it belonged to him, but he didn’t want it.

He sincerely wished he had found them before they’d done this to people he cared about. Northumbrians were not weak or simple-minded. They were a good strong people and he’d been proud to call some of them friends. He might not have risked his heart, but he had taken them to his heart, particularly Alwynn, all the same.

‘Why didn’t I die earlier?’ he muttered. ‘It would have made things much simpler.’

But even as he said the words, he knew they were a lie. He wanted to live because he wanted to see Alwynn again. Even an Alwynn who hated him for his heritage. He wanted her to see beyond that to the man inside.

A noise made him turn his head. Alwynn was silhouetted in the fading light.

‘Merri said that you wanted to see me.’

‘You need to know the truth, Alwynn. So you can judge me fairly. You need to understand what brought me here.’

‘Everyone thinks you are a hero. Even Gode. Well, everyone except Urien, who appears to be out of her head. The monks think she is touched by demons. She has even accused them of being Northmen.’ She plucked at the skirt of her gown and spoke to the ground. ‘I can’t bring myself to tell them differently. Not yet. They need to believe in heroes.’

He winced at the words. Everything was wrong between them. He wanted to go back to how it was before. And that was impossible. Girmir’s raid stood between them. She now saw him as one of them, rather than as he was, as he wanted to be for her—a good and honourable man.

‘You should never have gone to that farm on your own.’

‘You should have told me of the very real possibility of Northmen and I wouldn’t have ventured from the hall.’

He ran a hand through his hair. Each word cut into his heart. ‘I wanted to protect you. I thought I could find them before anyone else, before they did any damage. I didn’t want to alarm you.’

‘They are right, you know,’ she continued as if she hadn’t heard him. ‘You did save me in the end. I should never have gone there. I thought it was Urien or a couple of vagabonds. I thought Northmen raiders were a tale of Oswald’s. Only you knew differently.’

‘I told you not to leave the hall.’

She rolled her eyes. ‘After Theodbald died, I swore that I’d only believe in real things. Things I could touch and see. And yet I fell for your lie. I kept offering myself excuses, explaining away every doubt that came into my mind. What a gullible fool you must have thought me.’

‘Never that. You did what you thought was right.’ He put out his hand and captured her fingers. This time she did not pull away.

The small gesture did much to steady his nerves. There had to be a way of making Alwynn see why he’d kept his heritage a secret.

‘You need to know why I am here.’

‘You already told me. You jumped off a ship in a storm. No doubt you thought you would save lives. Ever the bold hero.’

Valdar shook his head. ‘You need to know I was a coward who did nothing. I joined the felag because I couldn’t stand to see the woman I thought I loved pregnant with another man’s child, her beloved husband’s child. The felag was supposed to find new markets, but every market was closed to us because of the Lindisfarne raid. And those people who would trade with us offered far less than they should have. You might hate the Viken for the raids, but I hate them for it as well. Our two countries have been at war for years and now we were being made to pay for something they did.’

‘Is this supposed to make me feel sorry for you? It doesn’t surprise me that you loved a woman who couldn’t love you back.’

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