Page 49 of Summer of the Viking

‘Where I come from, women can divorce in the event of such behaviour.’

She tilted her head to one side and the tiny seed of doubt stirred again. What sort of Christian country allowed such a thing, except when a woman had a calling to join a religious order? The only pagan countries were across the sea to the north and he wasn’t a demon in human form. Of course he was a Christian. Alwynn pushed the thought away.

‘In Northumbria, things are different.’

‘We will figure out a way to make sure she is safe. I will check the farm tomorrow. There has to be some evidence implicating him as the one behind the sheep stealing.’

‘I had planned on sending Merri with some salve if Urien had still been there. She has sharp eyes and could have reported back. But we shouldn’t go again. He might make things worse for her when she does return.’ Alwynn blinked back tears. ‘I feel dreadful. I should have noticed the barn size a year ago. I should have demanded to see her after I heard about her loss. The Urien I knew wouldn’t turn away from people. She needed people.’

Valdar put a hand on her shoulder. The touch burnt through the layers of fabric. It took all of her will-power not to lean into him and draw strength from him. She wanted to believe that he didn’t judge her.

She concentrated on a clump of lavender just behind him, rather than looking at him directly. If she stared into his eyes, she would do something completely wrong—like kiss him or throw her arms about his neck and seek the comfort of his body.

‘The important thing is that you noticed now and are taking steps.’ His velvety voice rolled over her. ‘We will solve this before I leave.’

Alwynn stepped backwards and nearly stumbled on a tree root. Valdar’s hands were there instantly to hold her up. The now-familiar tingle went through her, pulsating and insistent. But she kept thinking about the great hollow which had opened up within her. She found it difficult to believe how well matched they were, yet he was speaking of leaving. She knew he had a home and lands to return to and it was what she’d told him she wanted. It was the right thing, but she was tired of doing the right thing.

‘My feet are steady now. Your going is still several months away.’ She forced a smile. ‘You promised.’

‘And I will keep my promise.’ He let go of her elbow, but stayed close to her. His eyes creased with concern. Every particle of her being was aware of him.

‘Did your husband ever hit you, Alwynn?’ he asked in a low voice. ‘Is that why you think you should know the signs? Why do you consider you are to blame for this?’

She wrapped her arms about her aching middle.

‘The way he hurt me doesn’t leave physical scars,’ she said before she could think. ‘He wanted to force me into a convent so that he could marry again. Someone who could give him children. I refused to go. I’ve no calling for a religious life. And I stood to lose everything, my dowry and all my land. I couldn’t abandon Merri to another woman. Losing one mother is hard enough. I love that girl as if she was my own.’

Valdar gently lifted her chin so that she met his dark gaze. ‘What did he do?’

‘Names don’t draw blood. Words don’t cause purple bruises.’ She took a deep breath and forced a smile. ‘It no longer matters as he is dead and unlamented.’

‘But they hurt and they leave wounds inside you.’ Valdar touched her arm. ‘Trust me, my lady. I know when someone is hurt and I can guess who did it. You are worse than a nervous horse. Until you forgive yourself, you allow him to have power over you.’

She glanced up at his face and knew he’d guessed some of it. The words tumbled from her as she sought to explain. ‘Theodbald blamed me for being barren. He called me all sorts of things. I desperately wanted children. Twice I thought maybe, and once I thought there was a quickening, a little flutter of movement, but I was proved wrong two days later when I lost the babe. Oh, how I wanted them. At first, all was sweetness, but as the months and years went by, he became more and more cutting until in the end he avoided my bed. There was a rumour he was going to force me into a convent, but he had an accident and died before it happened.’

‘Did he have any other children? Besides Lady Merri?’

Alwynn frowned and turned her head away. She refused to listen to a tiny spark of hope. Could it have been Theodbald? ‘Not that I know of. There was some talk about Urien right before the marriage, but today she said that she’d only ever been with her husband and I have to believe her.’

Alwynn stared at the thyme. She had encouraged the match between Urien and Cleofirth as she had been jealous that Urien might have a child, her husband’s child. It had been wrong of her and Urien had been abused.

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