Page 19 of When You Got a Good Thing (Misfit Inn 1)

“I should never have pressured you. Ever. Being drunk was no excuse. And God knows, you were right. What happened to Maggie—that could have been us.” When Porter had told him about Maggie’s pregnancy, that fact had eaten at him.

“I can’t tell you how sorry I am, how much I hated myself for the things I said. I was on your doorstep as soon as I woke up the next day, ready to grovel—hangover and all. But you were gone.” And his entire world had been knocked off its axis as he’d realized that what had felt like a stupid fight to him had been so much more for her.

Xander took a step forward, starting to reach for her, to fold her into his arms, but everything in her posture shouted hands off. He curled his hands in on themselves. “Was it really so bad that you had to run away from me? From your family? Didn’t you know me better than that?”

Chapter Six

KENNEDY’S HEART BEAT SO hard and fast, she wondered she didn’t just bleed out from the pain of seeing him look at her with all that guilt and shame. She’d been prepared for him to hate her. Ready for him to rail and rant and curse her for slinking off in the middle of the night without a word. She deserved all of that and more. But he thought he was why she’d left. All these years, he’d thought it was because of that stupid fight. She’d barely even remembered it. Why would she, given what came after? But clearly he remembered, and he blamed himself.

The absolute wrongness of that had her stepping into him before she could think better of it, laying a hand over his heart. “Xander, I—” But what could she say to allay his fears? She couldn’t tell him the truth, and she didn’t want to lie. Another round of tears welled up as she realized all the other ways she’d hurt him besides just walking away. “I’m so sorry.”

His hand covered hers, pinning it in place. “I get why you ran. But why stay away all this time?”

It was hard to force words past the knot in her throat. “I was afraid.”

“Of me?” His stunned expression sucker punched her right in the gut.

“No! Never that. I—” Kennedy took a breath, struggling to sort out what scraps of truth she could give him. “I thought you’d hate me. You had every right. I handled things so badly. I hurt everybody with how I left, and I’ve been afraid to come back and face that. The longer I stayed away, the worse it got, until it became this huge, overwhelming thing I didn’t know how to get past. I didn’t feel worthy—of the family, of forgiveness. Everybody moved on with their lives, without me in them, and I had no idea how to come back from that. And…I was terrified to come home and see you with someone else.” She swallowed, wishing she hadn’t let that slip out. But once the words started coming, she couldn’t seem to stop them. “It’s not fair or reasonable. I’m the one who walked away. I don’t get the right to be upset with you for moving on with your life. But I just—I couldn’t be here to see it and remember what I threw away.”

Her fingers curled into the front of his shirt, as if by grabbing on now, she could somehow make up for all the years of distance, all the years of pain. A part of her wanted to keep going, to haul him into her and take his mouth, stripping the layers of clothes off that big, built body of his until they gave each other the gift of oblivion. She so desperately wanted that comfort and closeness with him. No one had ever made her feel like he did. But it wouldn’t happen. After everything else she’d done, she’d never use him like that.

Before she could release him, Xander’s hand slid around to cup her nape, tipping her face so she had to look at him. “There’s no one else. There’s never been anyone else who mattered.”

Was he…Did he mean he’d waited for her?

The instant blast of yearning almost dropped Kennedy to her knees. To fall into his arms, into his bed, and shout yes to a question she wasn’t even sure he was asking. She’d never even let herself imagine the possibility of picking back up where they’d left off, of getting the chance to build the life they’d so often dreamed of. She imagined it now, and her heart squeezed to aching. Because she knew what she could have with thi

s man—if she had someone else’s life. But she was stuck with her own life, with all its many mistakes, and they meant she couldn’t have him now any more than she could a decade ago.

On the heels of that bitter thought, she was struck by a wave of fresh guilt. His life had been on hold—at least to some extent—because of her. Whether he’d been deliberately waiting for her or because he needed some kind of resolution, he’d lost ten years he could’ve been building his life with someone else. She didn’t want that. The idea if it made her physically ill. But he deserved the chance for that, without her screwing it up.

“You’re shaking.” Xander’s gaze skimmed over her. “Where’s your coat?”

She wasn’t cold. Not when her skin felt almost electrified where he touched her. “Left without it.”

“You must be freezing.” He slid his own coat off and swung it around her shoulders.

Kennedy barely resisted the urge to turn her face into the shoulder to inhale his scent as she slid her arms into the sleeves. Since they fell well past her wrists, Xander reached out himself and zipped her in. The fabric was still warm from his body, and she hugged it close, wishing it were him wrapping her up tight.

“C’mon. I’ll take you home.”

“I don’t want to go home.” Not that she knew what the alternatives were, but she simply couldn’t face another round with her sisters tonight. Not when she felt as if she’d been flayed alive.

“Okay.” The simple, easy acceptance relaxed her a fraction, enough that when he nudged her toward the trail, she fell into motion beside him. It never even occurred to Kennedy to fight it, his hold felt so right. Dangerous thinking. No matter what she wanted, she couldn’t let him believe they could start this up again.

At the top of the trail, she stopped and gaped at his Bronco. “I can’t believe you still have this thing.”

“Why on Earth would I get rid of a solid piece of American-made steel?”

“Because it’s older than we are, and you’ve probably paid for an entirely new car in parts by now?”

“Nah.” Xander tapped the hood with affection. “Me and Jethro have been through too much to split up now.”

Kennedy had spent many happy days with Xander, roaming Stone County in this thing. And quite a few nights steaming up the windows. It was impossible not to think of that as he popped the back hatch. Nerves jittered in her stomach at the idea of crawling back there with him again. Mostly because, despite her good intentions, she wasn’t sure she could say no, and that was a bad, bad idea.

But after a couple of moments of digging, he came up with a quilt and shut the lift gate again. Circling around to the front, he opened the door and gestured her in. “It’ll be warmer out of the wind.”

Without a word, she clambered onto the bench seat ahead of him. He climbed in behind her and shut the door.

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