Page 39 of Damaged
“Give her an hour, come on. She needs her rest,” I say, looking down at her steady breathing.
“I don’t think the doctor will care,” she says, getting the needle ready.
Oh the doctor won’t care. The one in charge of making sure she is okay won’t care. Fuck that. “Well you can tell the doctor he can come talk to me if he has a problem with it. It’s an hour, give her the damn hour.”
Pulling off the gloves, she looks at her watch. “One hour.”
Nodding, I thank her and spend the next hour memorizing every detail of Eva. The way her full lips are parted slightly as she sleeps so peacefully. How her hair falls into her beautiful face when she moves just a little. The curve of her nose, her long eyelashes fanned out, the perfection of her porcelain skin. The coconut smell of her hair, the feel of her flawless body pressed against mine, the taste of her lips against mine. I didn’t even realize she crept her way in and now that she has I can’t let go.
“Sir, I need to wake her now. I gave her the hour, but we need to do this,” the nurse says, walking back in.
“I know.” She goes to wake her and I shake my head. “No, I’ll wake her.” Running my fingers down her cheek, I kiss her lips and whisper against them, “Eva, I need you to wake up for a minute.”
Her eyes flutter open and she looks at me. A small smile pulls at her lips until she hears the nurse asking for her arm. Slamming her tired eyes shut, she sticks out her arm. The nurse tries to talk to her, but Eva doesn’t say a word. She keeps her head buried in my side as I watch the needle go in. She doesn’t flinch or make a sound and it kills me knowing this must be so routine for her.
“Okay sweetie, you’re all done. Someone will be in soon to do your vitals and your biopsy is scheduled for first thing in the morning. You’ll be out of here before you know it,” the nurse says, rubbing Eva’s shoulder.
Hearing her say that makes me feel a hell of a lot better. Maybe it’s nothing and I’m worrying myself sick for no reason. “Hey, did you hear that? You’ll be outta here before you know it.”
“They always say that. They say that because saying you’ll be here for the duration isn’t motivating,” she says, trying to turn away from me.
“Eva, don’t pull away. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here. I’m in this no matter how hard you try to push me away,” I say, pulling her to my chest again. “I’m here, so tell me.”
“I was going to tell you eventually about the cancer. I just thought I’d beat it,” she whispers.
“You don’t know anything yet,” I try to reassure her.
Pulling back slightly, she finally makes eye contact with me. “Don’t do that. Don’t let yourself think this is nothing. You’re just setting yourself up for a very painful goodbye.”
“No one is saying goodbye, Eva. We’ll fight this,” I say, pushing down my emotions.
“Brett, I fought this already. I had a double mastectomy, radiation, chemo, surgeries. I don’t have it in me to fight it again. You have no idea what it’s like,” she says, shaking her head.
A double mastectomy. Fuck. That’s why she doesn’t like me to touch her tits. Shit, I’m an asshole for not asking her sooner. It was such a fucking clear sign something was wrong. A sign I completely ignored. But not fighting, hell no.
“You’re right, I have no idea what it’s like to fight cancer. But I know what it’s like to fight to stay alive, because I’ve wanted to just give up and fold to all the shit that was happening. You think it was easy for me to be alone since I’ve been eighteen? Having to bury the only family I ever knew? To watch friends die or walk away? Fuck no, none of it was easy. I fought everyday to go on. You aren’t going to be fighting this alone Eva, I’m strong enough to fight for the both of us,” I say, running my fingers through her hair.
That’s all it takes. She tells me everything from finding the lump in her breast to the surgery to the treatments. She cries again and I hold her. I’m not going to lose her, no fucking way.
**
Waiting while she gets the biopsy is by far the worst time I can remember. This is the last test and we should have all the results by this afternoon. That’s what the doctor said. I can’t get rid of this knot in my stomach as I pace the waiting room.
“Sit down Brett. Come tell me about yourself,” Mary says, trying to distract me.
She’s trying to comfort me while her daughter is getting a lump cut out of her armpit. I need to fucking man up here. “Mary, what do you need? Would you like some coffee?”
“I wouldn’t mind a cup of tea if you’re going,” she says, smiling up at me.
Giving Mary her tea, I sit next to her with my coffee. “There’s not much to tell about myself. I’m a mechanic who didn’t start living until your daughter came back into my life. We went to school together, ya know?”
Smiling, she touches my arm. “Of course I know that. Eva had the biggest crush on you in middle school, even high school but she’d never admit it. But a mother knows these things,” she says, laughing.
“She never told me that,” I say, taken back. I had no idea, but why would I? Relationships weren’t something I ever wanted.
“She’s good at keeping things to herself,” she says, looking away.
“Yeah she is.”
