Page 75 of Sugar
“I can take care of myself,” I promise as we approach the cabin, the porch light Kasey left on illuminating the front steps.
“You’ve always made that clear.” His face is void of emotion, but I can hear the dejection in his voice.
I sigh. “Hey, about earlier?—”
“Yeah,” he agrees, “about that. Look, I’m sorry, Ava. I shouldn’t have kissed you. You told me you aren’t interested and I never should have touched you.”
“I never said I wasn’t interested,” I throw back, frowning. “Maybe I don’t want you mixed up in my shit, either. Maybe I’mtrying to protect you too. I meant it when I said that we aren’t the same kids we were back then, but that doesn't mean I don’t stillfeelfor you, Kasey. Especially after . . .”
He eyes me carefully, something alight in the edges of his face. “Especially after what, Ava?”
“Especially after the last few days.” I throw my hands out in supplication. “After the wedding, andkissingyou, and sleeping in your bed. After that fucking dinner we just had with your family, Kasey.” My heart pounds hard in my chest, but it feelsgoodto let this out. To be honest with him—and with myself. “I tried really hard to forget about you after I left. I knew I’d hurt you and Ihatedmyself for it—I still do. But it felt like the only choice. I was going to hurt you either way so I figured getting it over with would at least let you move on with your life.
“I never planned on coming back. I never planned on seeing you again, because I knew if I did these feelings for you would come back too. And maybe . . . maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to give in to this thing that clearly still exists between us. At least this time youknow.”
His eyes narrow. “Know what?”
“That I’m not good for you! That I can’t promise you a future. That I’ll probably hurt you again at some point, because even though I care about you, I care about myself more. I’m selfish, remember? It’s who I am, who I’ve always been.”
His face softens as he moves to stand in front of me, pressing his palm against my jaw. He smells like soap and leather, like everything good and safe. “You’re not selfish, Ava. You’re just scared.” He tilts my face up so he can look me in the eye. “But you don’t need to be. We can figure this out together.” The pads of his fingers drag across my skin, rough and tender, full of hope.
I close my eyes and unspool a breath, conflicted by his words. Thewantin me is waging a brutal battle against therun. Itwould feel so good to give in. To let him make me forget how unworthy I am.
To this day, he’s the only person who’s ever known how . . .
Just like that, the battle is won.
“Make me forget, Kasey,” I whisper urgently, clutching at his shirt.
And he does.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
KASEY
There’s something abouttouchingAva that rocks me to my core. Changes me on a deeply cellular level.
It’s a hopeless, joyful torment.
A pure, unfiltered eruption.
Without her I am nothing.Withher, I am the entire goddamn world. She is the answer to every question, the light in every dark room. She’s the air in my lungs and the blood in my veins and when she smiles at me like she is right now, I comealive.
Goosebumps erupt on every inch of my skin as I pull her mouth to mine. There’s nothing careful about the way I kiss her—it’s a claim, a promise made between two hearts, written in permanent marker, sealed with a blade across a palm. It’s a pouring out of hurt and secrets to make room for things better held, likeadorationandprotection. Likelovein its rawest form.
From the moment she walked through the doors of Wild Coyote—no, since the day she walked onto that fucking football field—I’ve been caught in the excruciating crux of trying to guard myself against the terror of what it is to love Ava and succumbing to every hair-trigger whim to tear my heart out ofmy chest and shove it into her hands, praying she’ll just put me out of my misery andtake it.
She’s everything I want so badly wrapped up in a bow of temptation set out to destroy me—because that’s exactly what happened before. Avadestroyedme, and here I am like a fucking fool, asking her formore, please.
I have her shirt off in less than a second. My blood is rushing inside my body, crashing through my limbs and blaring through my ears. My skin feels too tight, like I’m swollen with my need for her, threatening to break.
“Kasey,” she gasps. Her nails dig into my shoulder as her head rolls back, eyes fluttering closed as my mouth drops to her neck.
“Ava,” I murmur against her skin. Confident. Crazed.
My hands sink down the length of her body, palm her ass, grip her thighs, and lift. She wraps both hands around my face, her dark hair a curtain around us as she bends her neck to kiss me again. I nearly trip carrying her up the stairs, clumsy and aching. By the time we get through the front door, I’ve unfastened her bra and she’s pulling it down her arms.
“It doesn’t bother you?” she rasps. Her blue eyes beckon me like the sea in Scorpion Bay, where we waded through the water without a stitch of clothing. Before I was unmade and reborn in the back of my truck on that midnight beach.
