Page 57 of Sugar
“Good girl, Goldie,” I murmur, dragging my hand down her long neck. She huffs out a frustrated breath before leaning into my hand, and I laugh. “You’re torn, aren’t you, girl? You want to trust me but aren’t sure how.”
Sounds a lot like another fiery girl in my life.
I test her willingness to cooperate by lifting my foot and setting it the stirrup, pushing a little weight in through my leg. Goldie takes a step back, shifting on her feet, but then holds still for me. I smile at her, telling her what a beauty she is, hoping she can feel my respect and care.
But then I shift my weight onto my leg and fully stand in the stirrup, and she rears back with a loud whinny, forcing me to bail.
I repeat the exercise, continuing to push weight into the stirrup while rewarding her with affectionate strokes and praise. Eventually, she lets me stand in the stirrup while I rub along her shoulders, and I think I’m close to earning my way into the saddle.
But then my phone chimes from my back pocket, and I let out a muffled curse as the sound sends Goldie rearing back again, tearing down all this trust we’ve just built. “Just what I need,” I mutter, pulling my phone out to silence the notifications—something I should have done before I pulled this horse out. It’s a rookie mistake I shouldn’t be making.
I notice Ava’s name across the screen where a new text message has come in.Just got a call from Pastor Brown, it reads.
A second text buzzes in a moment later.We’re on for Saturday’s ceremony, if you’re still in this.
I stare at the words, unblinking, as my heart jumps into my throat.
If I’m still in this?
IfI’mstill in this?
If this woman only fucking knew how much I was still in this, even after last night’s conversation went to absolute shit. I should have never walked away from her, should have never left her alone in my kitchen with tears streaming down her face. Buteven with the panic swelling inside me, the truth of my feelings for her still bleeds out like a rotting wound and I’d bet damn good money they’re a perfect match to hers.
Last night wasn’t the first time I’ve let myself be vulnerable with Ava Jones only for her to try to throw it back in my face and make me feel crazy, and I have a strong suspicion it won’t be the last. But as pissed as I am at the cruelty of this cycle we seem to be in, I woke up this morning knowing one thing for damn sure: we might be ten years older, but she and I have unfinished business.
We mightalwayshave unfinished business. Until a miracle strikes down from the heavens and Ava finally opens her heart to me in all the ways that matter, I’m going to be bucking on this fucking ride, holding on to all the shreds of hope I can find. The worst part is, knowing how stubborn she is, I might go to mygravestill pining for her.
I can pretend all I fucking what, but it’s not going to change the truth.
I look down at my phone again and scoff. If I’m still in thismy ass.
I fire off a nice and shortYepbefore tucking my phone back in my pocket, huffing out a long breath that matches the one Goldie lets out. “Sorry, girl,” I murmur, stepping toward her with a tentative arm out, knowing I need to regain ground. “If it helps, you’re not the only girl currently scared of me.”
Her dark brown eye catches hold of mine, curious and observant.
“What do you say we take a break? And later, when I pull you out again, you let me ride you around this corral?”
She lifts her head high, as if seeking out the sunshine. I take it as a good sign and give her a loving pat on her rump before leading her back to the barn.
A light knocksounds from the front door just as I’m about to get into the shower. Pulling my robe off the hook in the bathroom, I wrap it around myself then trudge warily toward the door. I briefly look down at myself to make sure I’m decent before pulling the door open, finding my mother on the other side.
“Mom?” I look her up and down. “You okay?”
“Of course! Are you?”
I can’t help it—I laugh. “Yeah,” I answer, smiling. “What are you doing all the way out here? I would have come to the house.”
She waves a hand. “I wanted to come to you.” Her gaze moves to the space above my shoulder, sneaking a peek inside the cabin.
And then it dawns on me. “She’s not here, you nosy woman.”
“What are you talking about?” she asks, feigning innocence as she steps closer, forcing me to take a step back so she can come inside. “I’m here to see you.”
“Uh-huh,” I say, still smiling. My mother puts up with a lot from all of us, and she’s never failed to provide my brothers and me with whatever we might need. I’d consider her my biggest supporter in life, without any hesitation. But she’s also not usually one to get super involved in our personal lives. “Let me go turn off the shower,” I say. “Give me a sec.”
“No problem!” she chirps, heading for the kitchen. I notice the way she scans my living room, like she’s looking for anything that might be different.
Shaking my head, I go back into the bathroom and turn off the faucet. I pick up my dirty clothes and dump them in the hamper in my room, and then make my way back to the kitchenwhere I find her seated at the table. “You want anything? Water? Beer?”
