Page 47 of Sugar
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
AVA
The walls of my carefully built facade are beginning to crack deep in their foundation.
I’d expected this session to be more difficult than the first. Readied for it, even. It’s easy to lie about my future plans with Kasey—moving in together, supporting each other’s goals, crafting dreams for a prettily painted life ahead—but matters of the heart, ambiguous as they are, can be a little more difficult to portray authentically. The need to prove the love between us is real is the riskiest part of this whole plan because it’s the biggest lie we’re telling.
Tell me, do you worry she might leave again?
I glare at the man on the opposite side of this decades-old desk, and can’t help the immediate urge to let my tongue fly. I know this is the exact sort of question thatshouldbe asked in pre-marital counseling. Still, I wonder if he can smell all the blood in the water.
And Kasey . . .
My chest squeezes at the raw vulnerability written across his face. It took restraint not to bring up the dark circles under his eyes when he picked me up this morning—probably from pullingextra work at the ranch lately. He already looked exhausted before this stupid meeting, now he looks even more depleted.
He’s either a damn good actor, or he meant it when he said he didn’t blame me for leaving him ten years ago. I’m honestly not sure if that’s better or worse than hating me for it. I’d been prepared for his anger . . . but I’m at a loss for how to handle this distant resignation.
Pastor Brown shifts in his chair. “What if it happens again?” he asks.
I scoff.
Both men turn my way.
“Really?” I chide, keeping my focus on the pastor. “We’re getting married, for fuck’s sake.”
Kasey’s eyes widen in surprise.
Pastor Brown’s mouth grows tight. “I don’t mean any offense, Ava, but Iamcurious to know what’s occurred between the two of you since you’ve been back that would give Kasey some assurance that you won’t just up and leave again.”
A fire smolders in the crevices of my heart. “I came back because the real world chewed me up and spit me out. I couldn’t hack it.” The words feel bitter on my tongue. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Kasey’s eyes burn a hole in my cheek. “Ava,” he says low, but I can’t look at him.
“So you’re choosing Kasey now because you failed to build a life elsewhere?” Pastor Brown asks.
“No,” I snap, impatient. “I’m not marrying Kasey because Ifailed. I’m marrying him because he’s the best man I know. Because he’s honest and he’s steady and he’s careful with my heart, because he’s respectful beyond measure. I’mmarryinghim, sir, because Ilovehim.”
My chest rises and falls with the force of the words escaping right out of my heart, grateful that the slip works in our favor.Frustration coils tight against my ribs at the utter injustice of having to sit here and proveanythingto this man.
“I see” is all he says in return. His expression gives nothing away.
I finally steal a glance at Kasey and find his eyes still rooted on me. They’re alight with a violent mix of hurt and sorrow and confusion. I have a deep urge to reach for him, to press my finger into his skin and smooth it all away.
Steely resolve seems to settle in his brow. He turns to the pastor with tight lips. “Ava and I have worked through all of this.” The lie comes out smooth. “We both realized that even if we don’t have all the answers, facing life together is a much better option than missing out on what we have.” He straightens his back, squaring his shoulders. “Neither of us wants to do that again. I won’t pretend there aren’t still fears, but if we’re looking at hearts today you should know mine is withher, always.”
Pastor Brown smiles lightly, leaning back in his chair so far that it creaks. “Very well then. Let’s move on.”
I throwKasey my best syrupy-sweet smile. “That went well.”
His eyes rise to the sprawling blue sky, as if begging for a bolt of lightning to strike him down. “Yeah, I could see the glaring approval written all over his face.”
I laugh, and his gaze drops to me. “Seriously, how fucked do you think we are?”
The corner of his mouth twitches. “Royally, probably.” He pulls open the passenger door of the truck and I climb in. “But at least you didn’t puke this time.”
I shoot him a glare, and he smirks. “Youlooked like you wanted to,” I volley. Despite his teasing mood, the storm that brewed inside those doors is still swirling.
He shrugs. “I distinctly remember you saying it was going to be easy because we didn’t care.”
