Page 32 of Sugar
“You plan on living here?” the pastor asks. “In Saddlebrook Falls.”
“Of course,” I say. “Kasey’s family’s ranch is here. We wouldn’t dream of leaving.”
He eyes me curiously. “You left once. You’d be content with a life on the ranch?”
“I left to go to school. To become a lawyer.”
“A lawyer,” he hums. “Just like your mother.”
Kasey is quiet next to me, but I feel him go still.
“She was a lawyer too,” I agree. “But I’m nothing like her.”
Pastor Brown looks at me a moment longer before his eyes flick to Kasey. “What about you?”
“What about me?” Kasey asks, voice low and rich.
“How does your family feel about bringing Miss Jones back into the fold? Are they happy to know of your reunion, or are they just as in the dark as the sheriff is?”
It takes everything in me not to scoff.
Kasey seems unperturbed. “They know,” he says. “They support it.”
“Were they supportive of your relationship when you were younger?”
This has Kasey hesitating. “My parents were . . . concerned, at times.”
“About what?”
He swallows. “Who her father is.”
“Ah.” Pastor Brown angles his head. “I see. And is that still something they still hold concern for?”
“No.” The finality in his tone is obvious.
I can’t help but wonder, if this were real,wouldhis parents still worry? Kasey struggled with it back then, carrying the weight of their apprehension alongside his own feelings. It was why we kept our relationship private, even from all our friends. I’d convinced myself I was doing him a favor by asking to keep the depth of our feelings a secret from everyone else—I thought it might help keep him unshackled from any expectation or disappointment. I never wanted to stir up more drama where he was concerned. But the truth was a little more layered than that, and deep down I knew—even then—that all I was really looking to salvage was my own freedom.
My whole life I’ve found it easy to keep the power in my relationships. As long as I liked a guy less than he liked me, I’d come out on top when things ended—because they always ended. Most of them crashed and burned. I never even imagined the possibility of something lasting longer than a few months because I’d been a part of so many versions of the same damn story: the burst of an initial spark that would eventually ignite into passionate chemistry. And then, the first signs of trouble, usually jealousy or an attempt at control, would lead to the inevitable dismantling of the whole shebang.
I’d dated dozens of guys who followed that exact trajectory all throughout high school, as if the blueprint had been etched in stone. Something about the familiarity of it felt safe. There was no pain or loss in knowing love was temporary, like an itch that needed scratching, until the itch went away and the scratching became a nuisance.
But with Kasey . . . From the very first time he kissed me, I knew things were different. All the rules I’d grown accustomed to changed even before I understood what was happening. His smile was a warm and steady glow inside my heart, his eyes a free fall with no rope to save me, and it was a fool’s chance in hell to think I’d ever hold the power over him. He was the first boy I liked far beyond the bounds of my control, and I knew that whatever impending doom was pointed our way, the fallout would wreck me.
“What about children?” Pastor Brown asks, eyes flitting back and forth between the two of us.
My stomach clenches painfully as a heavy wave of nausea rolls through me. I try my best not to let it affect me, but I have to breathe slowly so I don’t start gagging. I press the back of my knuckles against my lips and inhale deep through my nose. “What about them?”
“Have you discussed it? If you plan on having any? How many?”
Kasey doesn’t skip a beat. “As many as Ava wants to give me.”
“So there’s no goal in mind?”
“The goal, Pastor, is to support her as best as I know how. If she wants children, we’ll have them. If she doesn’t, well, then we’ll have each other.”
My eyes snap to his face, finding his expression calm. Steady.
Pastor Brown frowns. “Surely you’re allowed an opinion on the matter?”
