Page 67 of In My Blood
“I can’t say I see a way forward yet, but I do see some light, where before it was all just terrifying darkness. I can’t make any promises, Dio. I wish I could, but I…it gets dark in my head sometimes, and I get lost. I am trying though. Rafe asked me for that…to try, and I’m doing my best to find my feet again,” I explained shakily.
“I wish I could do something to take all of that pain and fear from you. You know if there were any way I could take it on for you, I would?”
“I know, Dio, but I’d never let you do that for me, anyway. My past is mine to carry, and I hope, one day, I can find some way to do that and move forwards,” I rasped as my throat became tight with the threat of tears. “This helps though,” I added as I squeezed my hand over his. He turned his hand underneath mine and interlocked our fingers, so he was holding my hand tightly. “Like I said before, having people around , and knowing I’m not alone helps a lot.”
“I’m here, baby,” he whispered as he used his free arm to wrap around me. He pulled me in tight against him and I slipped from my stool so I could move closer to him. The first tear slipped free when he used that one arm to scoop me up at the back of mythighs and pulled me onto his lap. Cradling me against him, he released my hand and instead wrapped both of his arms around me. More tears followed silently, but they weren’t sad, or filled with fear. They were tears of relief, because that’s what rushed over me when he held me. Relief that I wasn’t alone any more. “Anytime you feel that darkness taking over, you come and you find me and I’ll push it back. I’ll chase it away and keep you safe, always. I promise.”
I clung to him as I just sat there and took the chance to breathe fully. I felt as if I had been partially holding my breath for years, even since Rafe found me, everything had been such a mess. The only time I felt able to breathe fully was when I was being held.
My relationships were building oddly in that house and I was aware of it. I didn’t trust strangers. I hadn’t since the first week my Mum took me from Rafe and my entire world imploded around me. I learned fast that most people were out for what they could get from me, even then when I was a kid. But since coming to that house I found myself beginning to trust not only my brother and Dio, after so many years of not knowing them, but also Dante, Arran, and Callan – all of whom I barely knew. I didn’t understand it, but inside, some part of me felt safe when they were close, and I didn’t even feel wary of them or their intentions. Maybe it was because I trusted Rafe and he told me these men were his family. Maybe I was just that desperate to not be alone I was latching onto them regardless of the threat they could be. I did not understand it.
But what I did know was that I craved touch, company, and comfort from people. It had been so long since I had those things and I felt like I needed them, especially considering the very dark place my mind had gone to since I discovered my Mum’s body. When someone was close to me, and especially when theyheld me, all of the noise and overwhelming chaos in my head stopped for a while, and I got to just breathe. I needed those moments of reprieve. I needed the people who could give them to me too, and so no matter what my sense told me I should and should not be doing, I didn’t push out of Dio’s arms. I clung to him and resolved to remain there as long as he could stand it. And when I saw the others, I would hug them too if they offered, because those interactions were keeping me going. They were saving my life.
CHAPTER 18
DANTE
Satisfaction filled me when I heard the sound of bone crushing with the next fist I threw. The pathetic sack of shit tied to a chair cried out in pain, and that just made me feel even greater. Good. He deserved to fucking hurt. But I was far from done yet. I wanted some answers and I wasn’t leaving until I got them.
“Fuck, ease up on the face, man. He won’t be telling us shit if you break his jaw!” Don cursed at me from across the room. Rafe had sent him with me that morning, not wanting any of us to be out alone with the threats that seemed to be circling us. Personally, I thought it was bullshit. If any circling sharks came after me they would rue the fucking day, right before I stuck my knife through their fucking throats.
“Too late, but he can still talk,” I called behind me. Don was a good guy, and he was a great shot too. Out of all of the men who worked for Rafe, only two had my complete trust – Don, and Brax. But Don did not have a strong stomach for torture, which was why he was way back across the basement room, keeping his distance and focussed on his phone which was in his hand.
I did have a strong stomach. Always had. You didn’t grow up the son of Marcello De Santis’s enforcer and not witness shit that would make your stomach curdle. From an early age I had beenprivy to much violence, a lot of it in this very room – a hidden basement annex beneath the De Santis office building in the city. My father had put a gun in my hand and forced me to shoot a man for the first time when I was thirteen. At fifteen he had me helping with interrogations just like the one I was conducting now. By then he had already decided I would take over his role in the family business when he retired, but I had other plans. I hated my father. He was a monster who beat my mother mercilessly, and ultimately drove her to her suicide. Then he turned his rage on me, while also trying to shape me into a man as stone cold and evil as he was.
I was ashamed every time I thought about how much of that had stuck. I wasn’t a man who dealt in feelings or emotions. I was straight forward, honest, and a miserable fucking prick. I could be cold and downright deadly, just like my father, if the occasion called for it.
But I had escaped my father when I turned eighteen. I’d enlisted in the army without telling a soul, and I had disappeared for years. I worked my way up to Special Forces before I got out, and I learned to work with a team, albeit reluctantly. I followed orders, and found my own way. I learned to control the rage and bloodlust my father had fostered within me, or at least to channel it where it belonged. Was I a good man? No. But I was not my father, and I cared for the people who mattered to me – my family. I would die for them in a heartbeat if it were required.
So while I could easily torture this man, and several others I had been forced to get answers from in the years I had worked for, and with, Rafe, I didn’t usually enjoy it, not like my Dad would have. I saw it as a means to an end, part of my job that I strived to do effectively and efficiently.
But this was different because this fucker before me, he had taken shots at my family and tried to take Cara from me. Him, I was going to enjoy torturing, and there wouldn’t be an efficient thing about it. It was going to be slow, and it was going to fucking hurt. I fully intended to make him feel every iota of terror he had made Cal and Cara feel in the back of our car the day before, and then some. And when I had answers I would end him, before I went in search of every other piece of shit who dared to come after me and my family.
“Want to speak while you still can?” I asked him as I leaned in close and pressed the tip of my blade to the corner of his right eye.
“Fuck you!” he spat, the words garbled since I was pretty sure I had broken his jaw. Blood splattered out and I had to sidestep to avoid it getting on my new white trainers.
“I already know that you’re Russian with that accent. And I can also guess why your scumbag boss would want to get his hands onmy perfect Cara!” I raged, just the thought of Cara trembling in the back of that car making me grip my knife even tighter in my hand. The desire to plunge it through his eye and end him altogether was all consuming.
“Don’t fucking kill him, Dante. Not yet. Boss’s orders!” Don reminded me.
I stepped back and roared in frustration. He didn’t deserve to live a second longer after what he had done to my family. To Cara. She had suffered so much already, and because of this shit stain and his friends from that attack, she had even more fodder for her nightmares. My need to protect her was all I could thinkabout. It was a living thing inside of me, demanding I kill this dick and get back to her right the fuck now!
But Rafe wanted answers from him, and since he was the only one we took down alive from the shoot out, I couldn’t kill him. Yet. So instead I stormed towards him, stabbed my knife right through his hand, which sat on the arm of the chair, then kicked him over, chair and all. He hadn’t even finished crying out in pain when I crouched down beside him and ripped his head up by a handful of his hair.
“From the ages of ten to eighteen I was trained in every conceivable way to take a man apart piece by piece. I know ways to torture you that you couldn’t even conjure up in your worst fucking nightmares,” I hissed into his face. “You will give me the answers I need. You don’t have a choice about that, but you do get to decide one thing and one thing only, and that is how much fun I get to have before you tell me everything and I allow you to die.”
I threw his head down to the cold concrete and I heard him grunt in pain again. Good. I ripped my knife from his hand, and again he was screaming. Good thing the room was soundproof, I thought as I wiped his blood off of my blade against his trousers. I tucked the blade back into the sheath I always wore, which concealed it at the right side of my back, where I could always grab it quickly if needed. It had been a gift to me from Rafe after I saved his life, and it was one of my prized possessions.
“Come on. Leave him to make his decision,” I announced as I left the scumbag on the ground and looked to Don. “Let’s get breakfast.”
“Breakfast?” Don sputtered. “After that? You’re joking, aren’t you?”
“No. What’s wrong with you? I haven’t even got started yet. Just wait until I get out my instruments,” I laughed as I walked over and clapped my blood splattered hand on his shoulder.
“Jesus, Dante! Wash your hands at least,” Don told me as he skirted away from me and headed for the exit, glancing behind him as he went, like he wasn’t sure if he dare take his eyes off of me. Wise man. Not that I would hurt him. He wasn’t family, but he was a trusted team member. Never hurt to be wary though.
The basement room, which we generally called ‘holding’ had a fully equipped bathroom attached to it where I could wash up and change if I needed to, but that wasn’t necessary then, so I just washed my hands and checked my black shirt for any spots of blood in the mirror. I hadn’t expected to find any. I was good at what I did, even if I hated doing it most of the time. My father taught me well. Just the thought of the fucker sent a shudder through my body.
