Page 64 of In My Blood
“I’m trying.”
“I know you are. Can I get a quick cuddle?” he asked, and I smiled as I lifted my head to meet his eyes, then nodded and went to him. He opened his arms and I walked into them and wrapped my own tight around his waist. He was wearing his trousers and shirt still, but it was all a little more crumpled now, his shirt sleeves rolled up in a relaxed way.
“I love you Cara. I need you to know that, in case I forget to tell you in all of this chaos we’re messed up in. I’m happier than I can tell you to have you home.”
“I love you too. I need you to know that too. What happened in Chicago…what I did….I wasn’t trying to leave you. I was just so lost,” I told him.
“I understand,Tesorino. Just please, next time you feel that lost, come to me. Just give me the chance to find you, before you do anything like that ever again.”
“I will if I can,” I conceded. Rafe squeezed me tighter, that answer not quite what he wanted to hear, I assumed. Eventually he released me and stepped back.
“Go on. Find Dario and get something to eat. I’m always here if you need me.”
“I know that,” I assured him and finally he smiled a little.
I left it at that, hoping he understood I really was trying. It was just all so different though and it would take me time to feel comfortable there, if I ever did.
I couldn’t decide whether to go for food or to find Dio first, but thankfully my decision was made when I walked into the kitchen and found Dio sat at the island in there with a bottle of scotch open before him, staring at his phone which was in one hand, and a tumbler filled with the amber liquid in the other.
“Hey,” I greeted as I walked in. Dio looked up and smiled a little for my benefit I was sure, because he didn’t look as though the smile was natural. Instead he looked exhausted and stressed out, his usually tidy hair, messy, and his suit long gone, replaced with a scruffy t-shirt.
“Hi, how are you?” he asked, setting down his glass and phone to give me his full attention.
“Good. I slept pretty well this afternoon.”
“Glad to hear it. Arran mentioned you had a bad night last night.”
“Oh God, did he tell you he found me in my closet and that I laid all over him while I had a complete mental breakdown too?” I groaned.
“No, but you just did,” he replied. “Why were you in the closet?”
“It doesn’t matter. You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me,” he persisted.
“I sound so ungrateful,” I sighed as I pulled out the stool beside him and slumped into it. “I’m not used to huge rooms like the ones in this house. It’s fine most of the time because so many people live here and there are people around constantly, but up there, in that huge room…I hate it, Dio. It’s so big and silent. I feel so alone and lost in there. I went to the closet looking for somewhere I could feel safe,” I admitted.
“You don’t feel safe here?” he asked with concern.
“I don’t feel safe anywhere, especially when I’m alone. I haven’t been safe anywhere for a really long time, Dio, and it’s hard to believe I’m suddenly safe here, especially after my past. It’s all I know…being cautious, always ready for the next threat or fight.”
“There are no threats here, Cara. I understand that it may take time for you to believe that, but I promise you that you are safe in this house,” he assured me.
“I’m trying to believe it. I might just have to sleep in the closet for now though,” I told him with a smile, hoping he’d relax some.
“What are you even sleeping on?”
“Someone put some comforters and blankets in there. They’re really comfortable actually. I slept there today.”
“Why don’t you share with Gia until you feel more comfortable? I’m sure she’d understand if you ask her,” he suggested.
“I don’t think she would, not right now anyway,” I scoffed. “She’s not too keen on me being here right now,” I clarified when Dio looked to me with question.
“What do you mean? I’m sure she’s delighted to have you home, just like Rafe and I are.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I shrugged. “We’ll work it out. Can I ask you something?”
“Anything,Piccola.”
