Page 58 of In My Blood
“I am,” I cut in.
“We’ll be more careful wi’ Gia, since she’s a wee bit more sensitive, but Cara seems to understand how it’ll work,” Arran went on.
“You can’t still see me as a kid, Rafe. I’m not anymore. I grew up fast, a long time ago,” I reminded him when he looked to me with a torn expression.
“Fine,” he eventually relented. “But no fight training with Cara until her ribs are healed.”
“Of course,” Dante agreed easily, and when I turned to look at him, there was a hurt expression on his face, like he was offended Rafe would even think he’d consider such a thing.
“Is that doctor here? Dante’s shoulder is still bleeding,” I pointed out.
“Not yet. Get him into the kitchen and see if you can stem the bleeding for now, please Arran,” Rafe requested, before turning to me. “You’re sure you’re not hurt?”
“I’m sure,” I nodded. “I should go and get cleaned up and changed.”
“Did you manage to buy some clothes?” Rafe asked.
“I did, but I’m not sure they’ll be wearable now. They’re probably full of bullet holes,” I sighed at the thought of so much money wasted.
“I’ll have my men retrieve what they can. Cal, can you do some online shopping with Cara for now? I think it’d be the wisest option after this debacle.”
“Of course, and I’ll find you some more of my clothes for right now,” Callan agreed as he stepped up to my side with a smile on his face once again. It relaxed me to see it.
“Use the family account and make sure she gets everything she needs. I doubt much will be salvaged from the car,” Rafe sighed tiredly.
“We should wait and see first. I’m sure some of it will be fine, and I didn’t need as much as we bought anyway,” I argued.
“PleaseGioia Mia, just get what you need. I know it’s not much, but I need to feel I’m at least doing one thing right for you right now,” Rafe almost pleaded, and when I looked over to him, he looked drained and pale.
“Rafe.” I walked over and wrapped my arms around his waist. “Stop that now. You’re giving me everything I need just by being you. Knowing I have my brother and sister back is all I have wanted since the day I left you, and now I have the both of you. I’m alright, or at least I will be if you would stop beating yourself about the head with your own guilt constantly. It’s hurting me to see you in this pain,” I told him quietly.
“I just…for so long all that consumed me was getting you home. I was so sure that when I did, everything would be perfect. Now here you are, but everything else is such a damn mess. I just want you to feel safe and contented here, and I’m ballsing that up.”
“You’re not ballsing anything up,” I told him with a smile. I wasn’t sure I’d heard that turn of phrase before, but I liked it. “You just need to realise I’m not Gia. You don’t need to smother me in safety or shower me with material items to make me feel contented. I’m happy just knowing you love me, and that I have you there to back me up when I need you. I’ll feel safe knowing thatIcan protectmyself, and you’re giving me that too. I don’t mean to make it sound like Gia’s spoiled. That’s not what I mean at all, but she grew up with you, your family, your men, and everything she ever needed or wanted around her, so that makes her feel safe. I grew up relying on myself, and I can’t change that now. It’s who I am, Rafe.”
“I do understand, sort of. I suppose I don’t really know what you went through. I grew up pretty sheltered and spoiled too inmany ways, but I do understand your need to stand on your own feet, and I’m so proud of you for that, Cara. I just want to be here for you too. I’m your brother, and I can’t just step back or walk away, especially when the danger you face is my doing.”
“Firstly, it’s not your doing. Your Dad created this shit show and you had the misfortune to inherit it. And secondly, I’m not asking you to walk away. I want you in my life, Rafe, and trust me, when I have a meltdown - which does happen, as you’ve already witnessed - I’ll need you to hold me like you always have. But I also need you to understand I’m not a child anymore, nor am I defenceless, or looking to be sheltered from anything. I can take care of myself, and, if you’ll allow me, I’d like to stand at your side when trouble comes calling. I don’t need you to protect me from everything. I want to be a part of keeping our family safe too.”
“Jesus sweetheart. I never expected you to come home to me so strong and tough. Where did my sensitive baby sister go?”
“Oh she’s still in here. Meltdowns, remember?” I laughed flatly. “I just learned to roll with the punches I guess,” I added with a shrug. There were several moments of silence as Rafe seemed to consider my words, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear what he was going to say in reply. Did he think less of me because I wasn’t like Gia? Did he see me differently because I had been forced to grow up street smart and nowhere near as refined as I was sure I would have been had I grown up there? “I should go and change, then I’m going in search of food,” I joked, hoping to end the deep turn this talk had taken.
“You should definitely eat. Your stomach was rumbling before any of this even started,” Cal agreed, and I turned to him,forgetting he was even still there. I was relieved when he came closer and held his hand out to me.
“Are you okay. Rafe?” I asked when he still stood there, frozen in thought. Thankfully, my words seemed to shake him out of it, and his eyes met mine.
“Yes. Sorry. Go and get some food. I’ll be around if you need anything. Make sure you buy some clothes, okay? And a phone. She must have a mobile phone, Cal, please? That’s a priority,” Rafe said as he looked between us.
“No problem,” Callan agreed. I smiled, hoping to reassure Rafe some, then placed my hand in Callans and followed after him from the hall and up the stairs.
“Do you think he’s alright?” I asked as we started up the second flight of stairs.
“He’s stressed out and terrified you’ll be scared off, I think. He means it when he tells you he can’t lose you again, Cara. It broke him not being able to find you for so many years. I lost count of how many dead-end leads he jumped on a plane to follow, always coming home without you. Having you back, it means so much to him. He’s terrified he’ll mess it up and you’ll leave him again,” Cal explained, making me feel even shittier than I already did about my suicide attempt back in Chicago.
I honestly hadn’t thought much about Rafe when I had done it. I had been drowning in my own pain and darkness, and I hadn’t truly thought Rafe would miss me all that much. I hadn’t even considered anyone else at all. I didn’t think there was a soul to miss me. Clearly I had been wrong, and I knew Rafe was still terrified I’d do it again. I’d have liked to promise him that I wouldn’t as he’d asked me to, but I couldn’t give him that, evenknowing what I knew right then. I was just in so much pain inside, and I couldn’t see any light ahead. I’d just been shot at! If these kinds of cataclysmic events were all my future held, then I didn’t want it. I wasn’t strong enough to face it and I knew it.
“I don’t know why he cares so much. He hasn’t known me for years. I’m not even his real sister,” I sighed.
