Page 44 of In My Blood
“I do,” I agreed easily, because I saw the honesty in his words as he spoke them while never moving his gaze from mine.
“Good,” he nodded. “And as for Arran, he is part of our family now. You never have to worry about any of the men who live in this house seeing you on your toughest days. They will all understand and be there for you. I can promise you that.”
“I’m happy you surrounded yourself with people you trust and can count on, Rafe,” I told him with a sad smile. I hated that we had both lived so much of our lives without one another, but I was happy knowing that he hadn’t been trapped with our monster of a father all of that time, as my mother had told me he would have been.
“You can trust them too, if you give them a chance.”
“I’ll try,” I agreed, knowing it was what he needed to hear. I had no idea what the hell was really going on with me. I couldn’t honestly say the terrifying thoughts that allowed me to hold myself under the water in that tub had left me, but knowing Rafe was very likely genuine in his love for me, and seeing Gia again had made those dark thoughts less prevalent, for the time being at least. “You should go and sleep in your actual bed. You look dead on your feet,” I suggested, changing the subject.
“I slept okay actually. I’m pretty sure a shower and a clean set of clothes wouldn’t go amiss though,” he laughed as he pulled at the badly creased button up he had been wearing for over twenty four hours now. “Are you going to get some more rest?” he asked as he looked to me with unveiled concern once again.
“No,” I shook my head. “That’s not a good idea. I need to get up and get moving. Would it be alright if I took a look around the house? Get to know the place?” I asked.
“Of course it is. It’s your home now. We’re on the top floor here. Your room is between mine and Gia’s. Dario’s is opposite and there’s a guest room too. On the floor below are all of the other guys rooms, so maybe check with them before you go in those rooms, but the rest of the house is all yours.”
“I won’t go in anyone else’s bedroom, Rafe. I’m not that nosey,” I chuckled.
“How about you meet me in the kitchen when you’re ready, and we can eat breakfast together? Terza is desperate to see you, and I don’t know how much longer Dario will be able to hold her back,” he explained with a smile. I loved when he smiled. He used to smile so much more when we were younger, likely in abid to hide the reality of his life from us, but that was how I had always remembered him – smiling and happy.
“Food sounds good,” I agreed with a smile of my own.
“I’m relieved to hear that. You’ve barely eaten a thing in the last few days,” he sighed.
“I’ll do better, Rafe,” I told him, placing my hand over his on his thigh. “I know I’ve been a complete mess since you found me, but this….I can be better than this.” I just wanted to ease some of the worry that seemed permanently etched on his face.
“Don’t, Cara. After what you’ve been through, you’ve amazed me with your strength. I don’t need you to force yourself to overcome any of what you’ve been through just so we all feel better. You damn well feel whatever you need to feel, but please…if you can, just let me in to help you, okay? I can’t stand to sit back and watch you filled with fear and pain,” he pleaded.
Tears filled my eyes with his desperate words, and I hated myself for what I had put him through already. I should have known from the moment I saw him again that he was still the Rafe I grew up adoring. I should have seenmy Raffyunder the layers he wore so well.
“I keep saying this….” I sniffled. “…but I do mean it, Rafe. I’ll try. I promise I’ll try to let you in. I just…this is all so new to me after the years we’ve been apart. I’m so used to standing on my own two feet, no matter how unsteady they may have been at times.”
“Can I hug you,Tesorino?” he asked as he looked up and met my eyes, his own glassy.
Instead of answering I moved onto my knees and shuffled closer to him. When he opened his arms I easily sank against him, resting my head on his shoulder and holding him tight. I knew he was scared to hold me as hard, because of my bruises, but just to be that close to him felt so good.
“I love you,” I told him. “I missed you so much, even when I doubted you, I still loved you. I never should have let Mum’s crap get to me the way it did.”
“None of that matters now. We found each other. That’s what counts. I love you too, Cara, so much.”
For several moments we held each other. I was the one to pull away first, the pain in my strained side too much for me to handle any longer. My body didn’t seem to ache all over as much as it had the night before, but my ribs were pretty bad, and even breathing caused them to throb angrily.
“I’ll go and get ready for the day, then meet you in the kitchen, alright?” Rafe said as he took my hands and helped me to my feet. I worked hard not to show the pain I was in, not wanting to take away the small, contented smile that was now on his face. “Everything in here is for you. Gia picked it all out, so if there’s anything you don’t like, just let me know and we’ll have it exchanged. Likewise, if there are things she forgot to buy for you. There should be toiletries in the bathroom too,” he explained, and I just looked around at the left side of the closet, the rail that ran the entire length filled with brightly coloured clothes that all had labels hanging from them. He’d already had Gia go out and buy me so many clothes? It took me aback.
“I don’t n-need so much, Rafe. Most of this c-can be returned,” I stuttered as I tried to take it all in. I hadn’t even noticed any of it in my panic the night before.
“Nonsense. I intend to make up for the last eleven years that I couldn’t spoil you, starting here,” he told me with a grin. “See you downstairs!” With those parting words he left while I just stood there staring after him. I should have argued, but he hadn’t even given me the chance.
Finally with a deep sigh of defeat I made myself move. I’d argue with Rafe about the lunacy of wasting so much money on frivolous things for me later.
***
Five floors! This palatial, insane house had five floors! You couldn’t call it a house. That was too much of an understatement. This place was like a mansion, or a palace – something way more lavish than a house anyway! I hadn’t even seen inside the rooms yet, but just the hallways, landings and staircases were grand, the carpets so thick and plush your feet sank deep into the pile of them. Some of the floors were polished hardwood, obviously original to what appeared to be a historical building underneath all of the modern décor and furnishings. It had features that showed a history to the place, such as picture rails, old style sash windows, and the handrail of the stairs was intricately carved in places, to a degree that I was sure meant the work was done by hand, likely at least a hundred years earlier, maybe even more. It was beautiful, and so toasty warm throughout. The whole place smelled of vanilla, as though someone had been baking, but I saw some plug-ins that I was pretty sure were the actual source of the heavenly smell.
It was so far removed from what I was used to. There was no way to even compare that place to the apartment I had called home back in Chicago, and I felt more and more out of place as I moved down the stairs. Now I stood in the imposing entrance way, the shiny marble floor freezing cold beneath my sock covered feet. I didn’t fit in there. You didn’t need a genius to tell you that.
I looked down at what I was wearing and actually grimaced. I had looked through the clothes in my closet, but they consisted of skirts and dresses I would not feel comfortable in, but even if I had dared to wear them, they wouldn’t have fit me. There had been two pairs of jeans, but both had been two sizes too big in the waist and way too long for me. I had tried a pair on, but there was no way I’d have even kept them up, and that was only if I didn’t break my neck tripping over the extra length first. I hadn’t found a single t-shirt or sweater, which was what I tended to favour. Even the underwear had been in the wrong sizes, and way too risqué for my tastes. I preferred comfort, and as a result most of my underwear was cotton, in white or black. Of course I hadn’t had much choice before. I bought what was cheapest, but I also found my cheap, box store, and thrift store clothes purchases comfortable.
So there I stood in what I had found in the bag Dario had packed for me – a pair of thread bare, black jeans and a black, racer back vest, with a very heavily worn, plaid shirt open over the top. At least the new socks had fit me, I thought with a shrug. I’d taken a long shower, and washed my hair, so now it was a wet and slightly wild bun on top of my head. My face was still a little bruised and even my own clothes were too big for me after how little I had eaten in the last couple of weeks. Money had been so tight before everything, that I hadn’t eaten more than ramen fordays, then everything happened and Rafe showed up, and food hadn’t even been a thought. I looked like shit, was the long and short of it, and my clothes screamed that I was trash.
