Page 29 of In My Blood
“We are not letting her give up. You have to be strong, Rafe, like you always are in every other aspect of your life. You have to show her that you really can take care of her as we both keep promising. She’s going to need help…professional help, and that may mean you having to put your foot down to see she gets it, but you will. I know you better than anyone, brother, If anyone can be the loving brother, as well as the controlling fucker she needs to fight her demons right now, it’s you.”
“You’re right,” Rafe exhaled loudly. “We need to tell the others. Not Gia, but Dante, Arran, and Callan. Your Mum too. I don’t want her left alone right now. Call someone in to remove the fucking bath from her en-suite. It needs to be done before we land,” he growled.
“I already spoke to Arran. I told him to move all of the weapons to spots that are higher up, and he’s removing any strong painkillers from the house. I’ll have anything like that locked away in my room from now on.” Dio explained.
I squeezed my eyes closed even tighter and tried not to listen any more. I hated that they were doing all of those things because they thought I was suicidal, but they weren’t wrong, were they? I had given up back at that hotel. I’d held myself under the water in that tub until I blacked out, despite my body’s fight and instinct to push up and breathe. My will for all of the pain, fear, and worry to end had overruled any sense of will or logic and I had actually done it – killed myself – made my body stop breathing. And as I laid there, I wished Rafe and Dio had never gotten to me in time to bring me back.
I tried to turn onto my side to hide my face from where I was sure Rafe sat at my other side. Dio had moved down the plane, presumably to make the calls required to crazy-woman proof their home.
Movement felt way harder than it should, my body feeling like it was encased in concrete with how stiff and painful my limbs were. I managed to turn, but as I tiredly lay my head back against the pillow beneath me, I cried out in agony, pain rippling down the side of my face in complete unison with the stabbing pain through my skull.
“Cara?” Rafe leaned over me and as I opened my eyes I saw his face hanging over mine, upside down.
“Ow,” I whimpered as I lifted my face and tried to push up to sit. Rafe quickly placed a hand behind my back and eased me up as gently and slowly as he possibly could.
“Tell me if I’m hurting you,” he told me.
“Everything already hurts,” I groaned as pain throbbed down the centre of my back, almost in rhythm with my face and pounding head.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart. Let’s try and get you comfortable, then I’ll get you some painkillers and some ice packs.”
I looked around me and confirmed my suspicions. I had been lying on a long sofa style seat on a private plane, just like the one that had taken me from Rafe so many years before. It was all shiny wood panels, white leather seats, and shiny gold colour fixtures.
Rafe helped me to sit up with the arm of the sofa on my right side, then propped some fluffy pillows down my left side to support me. I looked down at myself and realised I was wearing some thick sweats, and a navy hoody that matched. Both were lined with some kind of fleece, or something equally as soft, and they were toasty warm. I also had on thick wool socks, keeping my feet warm, but oversized enough that they weren’t rubbing against the aching soles of my battered feet from running streets barefoot. None of the clothes belonged to me. I didn’t think I remembered ever owning anything that felt as luxuriously soft and comfortable, which meant Rafe or Dio had bought them for me. I knew my brother had likely had to dress me in them, which I didn’t want to think about. It wasn’t like he’d had much choice when I was as out of it as I had to have been, because I had zero recollection of anything that happened after I woke gasping for breath and coughing up water in that hotel bathroom. I had checked out again and left everything up to Rafe.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered to him as he fussed placing a blanket around me.
“For what?” He stopped what he had been doing and gently settled into the seat at my side.
“Everything since you found me,” I told him shakily. “I let Mum’s rubbish lies make me fear you and I…I was an idiot. I know you love me Rafe. I’ve always known that really.”
“You don’t have to apologise for that, Cara. Mum could be very convincing when she wanted to be. Besides, I haven’t exactly handled things well since I found you either. I intend to do much better from now on.”
“You look so tired,” I told him as I studied his pale face. His stubble was thicker than I had ever seen it, to the point it bordered on a full beard. His eyes were bloodshot, and the smudges beneath them were dark. “That’s my fault.”
“Don’t you start worrying about me,” he sighed. “I’m tougher than I look. And nothing that has happened is your fault, do you understand me? Nothing. I just…I’m a bit shaken up, I’ll admit. I’m so scared of losing you now that I finally found you, and that almost happened, sweetheart. Itdidhappen.”
“I feel so lost, Rafe,” I admitted tearfully.
“You’re tired,Gioia. I have a feeling you haven’t stopped struggling and fighting since the day I let you climb on that other jet eleven years ago, have you?”
“I guess,” I shrugged as I looked down to my fidgeting hands in my lap.
“You’ve been so tough, and so strong, but you don’t have to be anymore. If you want to take some time to just rest and just be, you can have that. If you want to keep pushing, you can do that too, but you will never ever face anything in life alone again. I’m always going to be right with you from now on. Know that. Whatever you face from this day on, good or bad, you will never be alone again. I will always be at your side when you need me, and likely when you don’t too,” he laughed a little.
“I don’t want to be alone anymore,” I whimpered.
“You never will be.” He leaned closer and wrapped his hand around mine loosely. Pulling me closer just slightly, so he could kiss my forehead.
“Rafe?”
“Hmmm?” he was still holding me close to him, my head now resting against his shoulder.
“I know it sounds silly, but will you…would you cuddle me…like when I was little and I was scared? Will you protect me like you used to?” I squeaked through my tears.
“That’s all I’ve wanted to do since the instant I saw you again,” he uttered, then I was being lifted. He set me in his lap with so much care, obviously mindful of how bruised and tender I was all over.
“I’m a bit bigger now,” I sniffled with a smile as I settled against him and tried to pull my legs up to my chest. The movement was painful, but I needed to do it. I needed to feel something good.
