Page 21 of In My Blood
“I’ll be fine,” I agreed. I’d find a way. I always did.
“Don’t worry about that bandage I just put on. We can dress it again when you get out,” Dio added.
“Do you want me to wait in here, in case you need help?” Rafe asked.
“No!” I answered too quickly. I saw the hurt cross his eyes again and felt crappy for putting it there. “Sorry. I just…it’ll take time…for me to know you again. I’ll b-be okay,” I tried to explain.
“I’m going to give you my mobile phone, If you feel like you need help, you can hit Rafe’s contact and we’ll work things out, okay? Don’t let yourself struggle or get hurt. We’re close if you need us,” Dio told me as he did something on his phone, then handed it to me with the screen unlocked. “I’ve turned off the code to unlock it, and it’s on Rafe’s contact already if you need us,” he explained, and I nodded and held it tightly. “I left your rucksack on the bed. I packed the clothes I could find inside it, whilst we were at your apartment.”
“Thank you,” I told them both. I stayed where I was as they both stood and seemed reluctant to walk away. I dropped my eyes to the carpet below me, unable to see the hurt or concerned look on Rafe’s face again, and eventually I heard the bedroom door close softly.
Once they were gone I allowed myself to fall back against the wall, exhaustion washing over me even more strongly than before, and I just fought not to completely lose my shit again. I didn’t have the luxury of falling apart. Yes, Rafe and Dio seemed to be the men I remembered them to be, which likely meant they were trustworthy too, but I was smarter than to have faith in that and allow my guard to drop. I had to get myself together and keep my wits about me until I felt surer that I really was safe with them.
Eventually I managed to drag myself to my feet and collect some clean leggings and a tatty hooded sweater from my backpack, which Dio had brought into the room for me. I also found some clean underwear and a t-shirt that would hopefully keepme warmer and ease the constant shaking in my body. I didn’t see any of my toiletries or socks, nor were there my shoes, but clothes was a start at least. If I were clothed I could flee if I had to, even without anything on my feet.
There was an en-suite shower room which I stumbled shakily into. It was clearly a fancy hotel, the whole bathroom decked out in shiny black tiles and gauche gold taps on the highly decorated sink and shower stall. Even the flush on the toilet was gold and finished with some fancy finial. The place was insane.
I bypassed all of it, not allowing myself to think about how very much I didn’t fit in with anything luxury or expensive any longer, and instead set the shower running as hot as it went. I couldn’t think about the blood I knew was dried all over me beyond the notion of washing it all away. I had to stick to my plan to get clean, get dressed, and get my shit together.
I had locked the bathroom door once I entered, but I still threw all of my clothes to the bottom of it after stripping them off, knowing they would slow down anyone trying to open the door, a little at least.
It was an overreaction, I felt that, but this fear wasn’t just about my concerns over Rafe and Dio. I hadn’t showered calmly since I was twelve years old, and one day turned to rinse my hair in the shower, only to find one of my mother’s asshole boyfriends watching me do so. He’d managed to unlock the door with a screw driver, which he still held in his hand. He had leered at me as I fought to cover myself with my hands, refusing to step back from the cubicle so I could step out. It wasn’t until he stepped closer and tried to touch me that I started screaming for my Mum.
Of course, she had either been passed out drunk, high, or she just didn’t care, but my screams were enough to scare the pervert off. After that I had never showered in that apartment again. I used to shower at school until he threw us both out about four months later. He’d caught my Mum stealing money from him and that had been that. I had been relieved, but living on the streets wasn’t any safer, and showering in shelters was also fraught with threats. Ever since, I had found just being in a shower traumatic, and my adrenaline often rose as I rushed through washing as fast as possible.
Showering that time was no different. I grabbed the small bottle of complimentary shower gel and scrubbed it over my body quickly, washing away the blood from my legs, hands, arms, and pretty much all over. I scrubbed at my face with a flannel terrified my Mum’s blood covered that too, then I wet my hair and washed it through with the bottle of shampoo. Conditioning was a luxury I would not afford myself, and within less than three minutes I was out of the shower and drying myself off, fighting to ignore my aching body and spinning head. I didn’t have time to give into the weaknesses.
My shoulder was throbbing from the bottle my Mum had thrown at me days before, and the rest of me felt like I’d been hit by a truck, but I powered through, pulling on my underwear and clean clothes. I didn’t have a hairbrush for my hair, nor the strength to finger comb it, so instead I just wrapped it up into a messy bun on my head and snapped my hair tie around it. I didn’t look in the mirror, because I didn’t want to see how terrible I already knew I looked.
I was frantic enough just trying to deal with the way I felt and the situation I found myself in.Be careful what you wish for,I thought. For so long all I had wanted was for someone to comein and save me, and I had hoped it would be Rafe, even though I feared him. Now there he was and I just felt afraid, lost, and so alone all over again.
CHAPTER 7
CARA
I still felt shaky when I walked out of the bedroom and into what seemed to be a living space in the hotel suite. There was a lounge area with two sofas and an armchair, surrounding a coffee table. A large TV was mounted on the wall, and sports highlights were playing on it, without any sound. Off to my right I could see a small kitchenette area, and to the left, right in the corner, there was a small bar set up. Enormous picture windows over looked a very bustling Chicago below, and I was confused by the daylight, wondering what time and even what day it was. How long had I slept? How long had I sat in my apartment with my mother’s chopped up remains, out of my mind with fear and shock?
At first I thought I was alone in the space, and I was already making my way to the door, ready to just get out of there. I had my backpack, containing a few meagre items of my clothing, clutched under my arm. It wasn’t much, but it was all I had in that moment. Getting out seemed the best decision right then. My mind was a mixed up mess, and I had no idea what was safe and what wasn’t. Maybe if I could just get away and have some space I could pull myself together enough to see some sense in all of the chaos. I couldn’t go back to my place, but if I could get to the club I worked at, the girls who worked there would help me find a safe place to hide out. I had become close to several ofthem over the years I worked there, especially Kyla and Joanie, two of the dancers.
“Everything alright, Cara?” I jolted at the question and spun around quickly, finding Rafe and Dio both slouched on the sofa, opposite the television. That was why I hadn’t seen them over the top of the sofa when I walked in. They looked as exhausted as I felt when they both sat up and studied me.
I glanced behind me to the door. It was only a few feet away, but I was sluggish and lightheaded. I doubted I would get out before one of them jumped up and grabbed me. Even if I got out of the door, I was pretty sure there would be more men outside, guarding my brother. I lived in the De Santis world long enough as a kid to know we had always been surrounded by guys who were supposedly our security. Now I wondered if they had really been our wardens?
“Why don’t you come and sit down, Cara? You look worn out. We ordered some food. It should be here shortly,” Dio spoke when I just stood hesitating.
“What time is it?” I asked instead.
“Quarter past two,” Rafe replied. “You slept for a long time.”
“I-is it Wednesday…o-or Thursday? I think I…I’ve lost track,” I floundered.
“It’s Friday, sweetheart. It’s understandable that you’ve got a little turned around with all you’ve been through,” Rafe assured me.
“Friday?” Panic filled me as I realised how much work I had missed. My job at the factory would already be gone, filled byanother eager and very willing illegal worker, desperate for the chance to earn anything they could. I’d had a shift at the club the night before too, and another that night. Maybe if I could get there and explain to my manager what had happened – or at least that my Mum died, since I couldn’t tell anyone the full extent of what actually happened - then maybe I could keep that job. Surely they would understand me missing one shift because my mother died? They had to. I needed that job. “I have to go,” I declared as I dropped my backpack to the small side table that sat beside the door.
I started looking all around the open plan space for my shoes. I’d need my coat too. It looked like the snow was already starting outside the windows. Looking for my coat reminded me of the stash of pills in my pocket. Maybe I could sell them back to Justin, or through someone at the club? I wouldn’t get back what they cost me, but maybe it would be enough to get me a cheap motel or hotel room for a couple of nights if it came to that. At least it would give me some money to get back on my feet.
“Cara?” I jolted violently when a hand landed on my shoulder, and I instinctively jumped away from the touch. I didn’t like to be touched, hadn’t liked it for a long time, for many equally dark reasons. “Sorry. I just…I need you to talk to me,” Rafe said when I caught my breath enough to look up and found him stood close to me.
