Page 160 of The Kiss Of Death
Sometimes silence speaks more than words.
I liked it. I liked it more than I should have.
Reaching the music studio, I left the door open just enough to let a sliver of light seep into the dark corridor. The scent ofpolished wood and rosin greeted me as I made my way to the center of the room.
Please, let me find the composition I should play for the audition.
I had already wasted a month on Bach. I scattered my selection of baroque music scores on the desk so I could pick. Through the window’s reflection, I glimpsed him seated on the floor outside, leaning against the wall. Hidden from direct view, just like old times, only his silhouette was discernible. He remained still, his form resembling a curled-up shadow.
He was my sole listener and my inspiration. I was his sole remedy—and damnation.
Together, we shared a bond that would never break.
I lifted my violin from its case, cradling it against my shoulder. I was about to play Handel, but then I changed my mind.This isn’t me.I started the recorder and took a deep breath.
Only speak when you have something to say. It’s the same with music,Lucie used to say.Don’t think. Forget about the technique. Listen to your heart. Don’t imitate, don’t seek perfection, be honest with your feelings. Don’t lie.
I drew the bow across the strings and shut my mind off. I poured my heart into the melody, allowing each note to speak the words I couldn’t utter aloud.
My violin quivered like my tormented heart, scorched and spasmed.
With a weighted touch and a slow stroke of the bow, I coaxed a warm and somber sound from the strings. The lower strings emitted a velvety, full-bodied tone while my fingers applied a quivering vibrato.
Levi’s shadow loomed outside, his silhouette hunched over with his hands clasped around his skull.
I shared my pain and suffering with him through music, breaking our hearts in a heart-crushing melody. My brows furrowed.Sadness. My violin shrieked.Loneliness. My muscles bruised.Love. I played until exhaustion, until I felt hollow and drained.
My final note faded into the air, and I shut off the recorder.
“You found your audition song,” Levi said.
“I just improvised. I can’t play this. It’s not traditional; it’s not what’s expected,” I muttered. “It’s so broken.”
“That’s why only your music has ever touched me.”
He hoisted himself up, his shadow stretching away from the silver light spilling through the open door, his footsteps fading down the corridor. My heart leaped. Every part of me felt like I was in agony without him, like he was my breath of fresh air, but I had to ignore my bleeding heart and focus on my battle ahead.
For once in my life, I had to be on my own.
Broken doll.
That was what I would name my composition.
The one I would play for the audition.
I paced back to my empty dorm. Yas was gone, playing board games with Sylas in the common room, but I didn’t want to meddle with the rest of the Unifiers.
I settled my computer on the bathroom sink so I could listen to a baroque playlist while hopping into the shower. I bit my lower lip, facing the tape hiding the camera. I wasn’t ready to give in to Levi—a part of me still hadn’t forgiven him. It felt easier to hate him.But…My belly coiled, my fingers hovering so close to the tape.But…I was lying to myself, craving the way he watched me. And tonight, I wasn’t ready for him to stop.
I had to be on my own until I reached my dream, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t dothis.
I peeled the tape off my computer’s camera and stared into the lens. Was he watching me? I took a step back, put up my hairwith a clip, and stared at the lens once again. I wanted him to want me, while he couldn’t have me. It made me feel… powerful, like my body had been lit up on fire.
I lifted my blouse to stand in my underwear. If Levi had taught me one thing, it was that I shouldn’t feel ashamed of my needs and desires. I unclasped my bra and dropped it on the tiles, followed by my panties, until I was standing completely naked. My chest heaved, and I imagined his stormy, tormented eyes locked on me. I imagined him in the darkness of his room, his face obscured by the glow of his computer and his black hoodie. Was he getting hard? Was a sneer tugging at the corners of his lips?
I stepped into the shower and let the water jet cascade over me. I craned my neck back and tugged on my nipple, caressing my breasts like he was the one touching them. My hand traveled between my thighs, imagining he’d get on his knees for me, his mouth licking and sucking on my sex. My clit throbbed, and I gasped, the baroque music reaching its crescendo.
My other hand closed on my neck in a chokehold while mist formed on the windowpane. Was he fisting his hard length? Was he clenching his muscles so hard he was on the verge of breaking too? I sat on the tiles so he’d get a better view of me from the angle I oriented the computer, and my thumb traced circles around my clit.
