Page 53 of Scent of Desire
Chaos swallowed me whole.
And I screamed.
Meanwhile…
“Are you entirely sure about this?” Hugo asked, his brows knitting together in disagreement, as if I was known to change my mind and second-guess my decisions—especially because of someone else’s worries.
I rolled my tarot card between my fingers, the slide of it calming my nerves. “That was always the plan.”
“It’s just—” Hugo looked at his feet for a moment. Hesitation wasn’t in his usual temper; he was impulsive. Too heated like the fire sign that he was. “Lily. You lost her because of this. Is it truly worth it to—”
“I haven’t lost her.” My hand locked into a fist, crushing my card with the motion.
My Adam’s apple bobbed, and when I opened my palm, the destroyed card fell on the floor of my office. Perhaps I was delusional. Perhaps I had lost her. Everything came with a price, after all. Especially in hell.
“I’ve always been on your side Rad, but this time, I…” Hugo gulped, cowardice sparkling in his eyes.
“You either speak now, or you get back to work, Hugo.” My voice was laced with bitterness, matching the red hellfire traveling through my veins.
“I’m out this time, Rad. I’m sorry, but this has gone too far. I can’t witness that.” Hugo squared his shoulders, but his voice was tinged with hesitation and fear. “I thought Lily would make you see there was more to life. I understand revenge, but this is inhuman. You’re taking away their free will—we don’t even know what this thing could do. Nothing good will come out of it. You’re stuck in your past while Lily is offering you the future. I mean, you had everything a man could dream of, and you’ve become… You’ve become exactly what you fought against.”
A monster.
Fury sprang to my core, liberating my hellions bound in my Tartarus. Life wasn’t meant to be wasted; I couldn’t be content with what any man aspires to.
I would take their free will just as once upon a wretched time, they took mine.
If I had been just a man, and not a beast, I could have loved.
If my father hadn’t carved my face and made me a demon, I would have ruled the heavens.
If I hadn’t grown in the shadows but learned how to feel and love, I would have been happy and capable of feelings.
If I hadn’t saved her, I wouldn’t feel like I hadlost.
But all of those actions made me. It was too late for salvation. Free will was a lie. We were bound to the rules of society. Money. Other beings. All of those people waiting outside were sinners, and I’d make their masks drop. I’d bring to life their true impulses and darkest cravings, and I’d be there to watch humanity fall apart. They’d become the murderers, rapists, perverts, psychopaths, and sociopaths hiding underneath their doses of luxury and lies.
I was the Devil in a quest for immortality.
A man without a soul, whose heart had awoken and learned how to beat in a black aching color.
I thought Lily would be my death, but she had only killed my heart.
“Are you done?” I gritted my teeth, narrowing my eyes at Hugo. “If yes, you can leave now.”
Hugo nodded, backing away, until he looked back at me as if he was holding wisdom inside of him. “You know, I believe she could really love you for who you truly are. I’m not talking about that mask you’re wearing and hiding underneath. The mask of someone who doesn’t feel or believe a thing because, Radcliff, someone devoid of a heart would not seek to save the next victims of these sinners. I know there is good in you, just like I know you’d never have to change for her. Just to heal, Rad. It’s your choice. I hope you’ll get what you want. I always looked out to you as an example.”
Hugo left, and I remained stupidly fixed on the door, the weight of his words stuck on my fucking jaw. I didn’t even notice that my hands had balled into fists, and when I took sight of my reflection in the windows sneering at me, I liberated my wrath eating me from the inside.
I smashed away all the objects on my desk in one destructive move. They all crashed on the floor in a shrieking noise similar to stained glass windows in a cursed church that had been shattered by creatures of the night. I seized the desk in a roar and knocked it down like an altar that broke in two.
Breathing like an animal, I sensed liquid sliding down my forehead. I passed a finger over my cheek, only to see black blood on my thumb. My scar had reopened like the stitched-up monster that I was. I scowled at the scene and stepped on the broken objects on the floor, shattering them even more.
Let the chaos enter.
“Radcliff!” Melissa appeared with the best timing like usual. She sprinted to my office, her heels crushing the pieces of broken glass. “Holy shit…” She gasped, finally taking notice of the redoing of my office: an altar for the damned.
“Get. Out.” I was about to burst into flames.
