Page 37 of Spoil
Chapter nineteen
Daniel
Nell agreed to our date this Wednesday, and I’m practically vibrating off my seat as I pull into her driveway. The weather has finally become more cold than nice, and the holidays are quickly approaching. I can’t wait to see what that will look like with Nell and Danny now in my life. I don’t want to take them away from their family and any special traditions they have, but God, I hope there’s space in their traditions for me.
I’d never really considered having a family growing up. My example of a marriage was two people who coexisted without killing each other. My example of parenting was so neglectful it actually killed my sister. I still don’t know if I’ll be a good dad, but I know I want to try. And I trust Nell to put Danny before me and tell me if I’m screwing something up.
I shut off the engine, but Nell and Danny rush out of the house wearing cheap puffy coats. I’m barely able to get around to the back passenger side door for Danny before they open it themselves. She’s being weird about her home and her family, but I don’t know how to ask her why.
Or at least how to see her alone so I can ask when we don’t have little ears listening to everything.
“You girls ready?” I ask brightly. Reading about having to navigate her father’s sickness alone last night broke my heart. What I wouldn’t have given to have been there for her. Even if it was just as a friend. But if she’d found me, if we’d found each other, we could have had years together. I try to push away the sick feeling that thought gives me and focus on the here and now. We can’t change what happened and the years we missed, but we can make up for lost time.
Danny chats happily about the movie we saw before from her car seat as we drive the hour out of the city down to the historic town of Fredericksburg. I debate it for a long while before sliding my fingers through Nell’s on her lap. Danny can’t see from where the front passenger seat blocks her view, but I’m still cautious about being respectful about PDA in front of Danny. However much I want to hold her and kiss her every minute I’m with her, I’ll let her set the pace. I’m relieved when she squeezes my hand back, a silent signal that the touch is welcome.
Downtown Fredericksburg was built before the Civil War, and it shows. Every shop front, every old house is built from stone and brick and has charming old-world warmth.
The only sign that this isn’t the 1700s anymore are the streetlights and cars on the old roads and the early Christmas decorations. I parallel park along one of the streets and help the girls get out of the car carefully.
“Where are we going?” Danny asks as she surprises the hell out of me and slides between Nell and I, holding both of our hands. I swallow back a rock of emotion that suddenly lodges itself in my throat. I caution a look at Nell, and the soft smile on her face lets me know she knows exactly what’s going through my head.
I clear my throat. “Just down here. I have a special treat for the two of you two. I hope you love,” I say vaguely as I motion down the block, we need to turn down there to get to the visitor’s center.
When we round the corner, though, Danny stops in her tracks, leaving Nell and me off balance.
Danny looks from the horse up to me, and back down to the horse. Sweet girl’s trying not to get her hopes up.
“Yep. That’s for us. What do you think about a carriage ride around the town? We can see how all the houses are decorated for Christmas. That’s nice, right?” Danny looks back up at me, and then her mom, and I’d give my fortune to know what she was thinking. Is she scared of horses? Is this lame? What the hell do I know about four-year-old girls?
Before I can ask her, though, she sprints towards the horse, leaving Nell and I shouting behind her not to run and spook the animal. My heart leaps into my throat, but as she gets closer, the driver, an older man with a potbelly and kind smile, kneels between her and the horse.
“You must be Danny!” he exclaims with a theater actor’s volume. She nods eagerly as Nell and I catch up.
Nell begins to chastise her for running off in public, but I grip her hand and give it a squeeze. She only got a few yards ahead of us, and she slowed down when corrected. I don’t want to damper Danny’s excitement, but I also understand Nell’s worry. God, her entire life must be one big worry. Worry for Danny, worry for her family, worry about money.
“Well, Danny, let me introduce you to Pumpkin,” the man says, motioning to the large white horse hitched to a carriage behind him. Both of Danny’s hands fly to her mouth as she giggles. That’s a silly name for a white horse, but what do I know?
“Can I pet him?” she asks sweetly. I need to look up how to buy a horse if this is how she reacts. I’ll put one in the garden if I have to.
“You can do one better. Want to give him some treats?”
Danny’s soft brown curls bounce as she nods so hard she almost loses her balance.
The man guides Danny to the front of the horse and goes about explaining how to hold her hand so Pumpkin doesn’t nibble on her fingers.
It’s a brief alone time with Nell, so I use it to check in on her. She surprises me when she slides an arm around my waist and pulls me against her. My whole body sags in relief.
But her next words don’t match her touch. “Please don’t think you have to buy her love. I know you come from money, and it’s so different from anything we’re used to, but I don’t want her to equate every time she sees you to some grand adventure. She’ll be disappointed if it’s just pizza and a movie then.”
I wrap an arm around her shoulder, tucking her against me where she belongs. I understand her hesitation, and I don’t mean for every time I see her to be something special.
So I nod. “I understand where you’re coming from. I do, truly. But think about where I’m coming from. I’ve missed four years of birthdays, four years of Christmases, four years of flowers just because it’s a Tuesday. I promise to have just as many boring days with her, but it’s in my nature to spoil both her and you. It fills my heart in a way I don’t think I could ever explain. It gives me purpose. And seeing her smile? Seeing you smile? It’s worth every penny.”
I drag my gaze back from Nell to Danny, who is now scratching the big white horse between his eyes. The horse’s eyes are closed, clearly enjoying the attention.
The man checks his watch again. The ride is an hour long, and I’m sure he has rides scheduled after us as well.
So, I extend my hand. “George. Thanks again for fitting us in. I really appreciate it.”
