Page 17 of Spoil
It aches and protests and thumps in a heavy, awkward rhythm as if it’s angry at me.
Daniel walks us to his car. A sleek, black BMW. God, we come from two different worlds. With everything standing between us, I don’t know how we could ever be more than just this. I work two jobs. I’m a single mom. Who doesn’t even own a car, let alone an expensive one.
I hesitate. I don’t have a car seat. But then neither did the taxi we took here. I don’t have much of a choice.
“I don’t have a car seat,” I complain, because it’s the only thing I can think of that might get me out of being in confined spaces with him. He looks so good. He’s got a few more laugh lines that before, but it only adds to his charm. He’s in a dark blue suit, and “grown-up” Daniel is gorgeous. Much too gorgeous for me.
He pauses for a moment before opening the door for us. “Just wait inside. I’ll be right back.”
We climb in, and I run my hand along the leather seats as we wait in the quiet.
“Is that my daddy?” Danny asks, and her small voice makes me cry again. I run my hand down her brown hair. His brown.
“Yeah, baby. That’s your daddy. I told you we’d find him again.” I try to force a smile through the tears, but my baby knows me.
“Then why are you crying?”
I hold her tighter against me and ask myself the same question.
“Because this means everything’s about to change. And we have to figure it out.”
“He seems nice.”
“He’s so nice, baby.” I wish I could hold it together for her. Cry after she’s gone to bed or we’re somewhere private. But I’m just so tired. I’m too tired. My exhaustion is at a soul level, and my baby sees it. God, I’d wished for five years that things could be different. That I could find Daniel. That my dad didn’t die. That I could give Danny a better life.
I hold her tiny, cherubic face in my hands. “He’s the nicest man in the entire world. You’re so lucky to have him as a daddy.” I kiss her forehead. I don’t know how much he’ll be in her life. But I’ve never kept the truth from her. She has a father. Whether he’s here or not, there’s a man out there that helped make her. I won’t let him be involved if it’s going to upset her or if he’s going to be toxic to her. And if he doesn’t want to be involved, I’ll respect that, too. But the man who gave her half his DNA is a good guy. He’s funny, and charming, and sweet. And so very, very nice.
I hiccup on a sob/laugh when Daniel comes back out of the sex club, triumphantly holding a car seat over his head.
It’s good to see he’s still ridiculous.
But when he sees me, his arm falls. He opens the door again.
“Did I do something wrong? What happened?”
I shake my head, too tired to explain.
“It’s just been a long day.” I turn to Danny. “Scoot over, baby, so I can install this.”
I step out of the car and take it from Daniel. “Where did you get this?”
“One of the guys has a kid around her age. I borrowed it. I was thinking that it would fit her. You’ve got to... like... change it as they grow, right?”
I nod, but this is the model we have at the house, so I kneel in it and strap it down. When I go to stand again, he’s crowding my back. He places a hand on my arm and whispers, “I wish you’d let me take care of you guys.”
I shiver at his touch, his closeness. He’s wearing the same cologne he did back then, and it gives me flashbacks from that one magical day.
“I’m not ready to have that conversation.” It’s the honest, heart-baring truth.
I have so much I have to wrap my head around, and no emotional bandwidth left with which to do it.
He lets me go, and I strap Danny in. I close the door and walk around the back of the car. He rushes around the front and beats me to the door so he can open it for me. I narrow my eyes at him, but he simply grins back playfully.
“If I’m going to be your chauffeur, at least let me do it properly,” he says with an easy smile, waving his hand and bowing dramatically.
For how tired I am, he does manage to pull a half-hearted smile from me.
I get into the backseat and give him the address. It’s only about a fifteen-minute drive, but being alone with the man is unnerving, so I stare out of the window while we drive.
