Page 27 of Spoil
He nods earnestly. I rub her back and call her name gently a few times and she begins to stir.
“Mama?” Green eyes flitter open.
“Yeah, baby. I’m back. And I brought someone with me.” She looks over and sees Daniel, but rolls her face back into the mattress. I can feel the shift in him more than I can see it. He’s disappointed.
“Your dad’s going to drive us back home. Isn’t that nice? Cool?” I’m trying to use her words to soften the new man staring at her. But it doesn’t work.
I scoop under her arms and let her koala me; her face hidden in my chest.
I was going to ask if she wanted him to carry her, but she’s grumpy and not feeling him at the moment.
He hangs his head and sighs before following us back out to the street, with a small “thanks, Cara,” as we walk by her.
He holds the door open for me as I set her in the back seat. She’s still grumpy and refuses to look at him. And all he can do is stare at her, the playful Daniel from earlier nowhere to be found. He shuts the door gently when she’s strapped in. I turn to him and place my hands on his chest. He won’t look me in the eye.
“She can be temperamental when she wakes up. Don’t take it personally. She was telling me yesterday how cool and nice you are,” I rush, trying to smooth over the sting of his daughter rejecting him.
He gives me a sad smile before taking my hands in his. I don’t want him to give up on us already. He hasn’t gotten a chance to know her yet like I do, to fall in love with her like I have. He doesn’t have the personal experience that parenting is a lot ofhard days but also a lot of amazing ones that make up for the hard ones.
He kisses my knuckles, making sure to keep it hidden from Danny, who is still not looking at us.
“I’m allowed to be disappointed that my own child doesn’t know me. I’m allowed to be angry at myself for missing out on her life. It’s not your job to worry about me or manage my emotions. She doesn’t trust me yet. I haven’t earned that trust. And I’m allowed to be upset by that.”
“Please don’t...” my voice wobbles. “Please don’t start to be in our lives... and then leave... it wouldn’t be fair to her,”or me.
A more genuine smile peeks out. “Did you not hear my monologue from earlier? Maybe I’ll text it to you so you can print out a copy of it. I meant every word, and not a word of that said anything about leaving you. Ever again.”
I squeeze his hands back, and then lean down to kiss his knuckle. “Thank you,” I whisper.
I know life happens, and we can’t predict what’s going to happen. He may start a club somewhere else. We may not work out for longer than a day. We may work out for six months and then not. But the fact that he intends to stay, whatever that looks like for us, reassures my fears.
I’ve barely climbed into the car when my phone buzzes with a text from Cara.
Cara: I need ALL the deets. Now. BTW – that man's already in love with Danny and I'm glad to see it. That little girl deserves all the love
I roll my eyes. I know this needs to be a phone call. But I just can’t have it now, in front of everyone.
“Did you have fun with Aunt Cara?”
I know she only slept, but it’s an olive branch question.
She tightens her arms around herself and glares.
Daniel starts the car and pulls up the address from yesterday.
“Your daddy helped me work today. Wasn’t that nice?”
More tightening, more glare.
Oookkkaayyyy.
I turn on the radio and find it on a classic rock station. I raise an eyebrow at Daniel, who is looking marginally better.
“Rebellious teen, remember?”
“I remember rebellious twenty-something,” I tease back.
We let it play on as we drive back home in silence. Again, he walks us to the door.
