Page 20 of Spoil
“Guys, I think I’m going to head out. I need to wrap my head around what all this means.”
I dip my head and give Serenity a kiss on the cheek, which earns me a growl from Declan that I ignore. “Congrats, Ser.”
“Cammy girl,” I say, ruffling her blonde hair.
Harrison gets a pat on the back as I shuffle out. I didn’t finish my whiskey, so I’m not drunk or even tipsy, but the emotional bombshell that just went off has me feeling confused and numb.
I shower when I get home and crawl into bed. It’s only six PM, but I can’t imagine being productive at this point. I have mindless reruns on the TV in the background, but I’m staringat my phone. How did this happen? How did I let her go again? And with my daughter? I should have kidnapped them. Kid- and person-napped?
Unknown Number: It was really good to see you again today
God, please be Nell.Pleasebe Nell.
Me: Nell?
Unknown Number: Did you run into another baby mama today?
I smile. She’s teasing. That’s a good sign - a really good sign.
I want to call her and hear her voice, but I have to let her set the pace.
Me: You'd be surprised how many women pretended to be you over these last five years
Nell: You're joking
I pull up the interview I did with The Atlantic in a last-ditch effort to find her. I told them I had found the love of my life, but that she was playing hard to get. And that if she wanted to get in contact with me, to email me at an email I’d set up specifically to field emails.
Shit, at one point I even hired a PA who knew specifics only Nell would know, like the color of the scarf she left in my room, the name of the cafe, or who owned it. Or why I became a ski instructor. That PA would respond to the emails with a questionnaire, and if they got any of the details wrong, they were thrown into the “No” pile. We received thousands of fake “Nells”.
There’s a lull while she reads the article.
Nell: You really are ridiculous
Me: I wasn't done with you. Why did you sneak out in the morning anyway?
Nell: I knew we couldn't have anything long-term. And I didn't want you to see me getting on the Greyhound. You assumed I had driven there, and I didn't have the heart to tell you I was too poor to buy a car
Me: Baby, I would have driven you back to DC if it meant we got more time together
Nell: Not getting your number is my biggest regret
We sit in comfortable silence for a moment, combing through memories - her from her house, and me from mine. These small confessions are mending something that was broken between us.
Me: I had to move resorts. I looked for you in every person that walked by. Praying you'd come back one day. And then my bed stopped smelling like you and it broke my heart
I don’t blame her at all. Morning afters are always awkward, especially when that person wants more than you do. She assumed we couldn’t be together after that night, and she wanted to leave the memory perfect. No awkward goodbyes, no ‘I’ll call you later’ that you know isn’t actually going to happen.
But God, do I regret moving resorts. She did come back for me. Just months later. I should have stayed. I should have known we could have built something together. But she wouldn’t have come back if it had not been for Danny. I know the obstacles seemed insurmountable to her. I just need to prove to her now that they’re not. That there’s no barrier or wall or obstacle that’s going to stand in my way.
Me: Well, now you can be the stay-at-home-mom I've always wanted
I need to lighten the mood but also put the idea in her head.
Nell: :( I wish I could. We don't always get our dreams
I nod my head and grab a notebook and pen from the desk. I need a plan. A plan to make them mine. A plan to convince Nell that her dreams are worth chasing, and that I’m the type of man who wants to help her get there.
Even if what she needs is a kick in the pants.
