Page 75 of Smooth Moves
She had no idea what to do about these feelings for him. In addition to her uncertainty came the confusing emotions for a man who could probably do a lot better than an ex-Army MP with nowhere to go.
Sure, she had options, but Jordan couldn’t do a whole hell of a lot with Rafi needing her. As much as she wanted to get her degree in…something, she had no time or energy for school, not until her brother was straightened out. Though she had a good fifteen years upon exiting the Army to use her GI Bill, she didn’t want to make any mistakes. With a limited reserve of money, she didn’t want to hurry into a degree she suddenly found herself not liking after graduation.
Her journey to self-discovery—Miriam notwithstanding, she thought and surprised herself with a grin—seemed on hold. Jordan didn’t like not following a specific timetable. She liked order and discipline. She liked having a plan and things making sense.
She put her hand over the strong arm holding her close. Cash she thought she understood. He’d had a crappy home life and had worked ever since to make himself better. He didn’t always make the best decisions, but those trials came from a good place, his intent always for the better of others. Giving, affectionate, and brash to hide that loving heart, Cash was a man who valued loyalty and integrity and gave what he got.
She could do so much worse.
And he could do so much better.
Was there a way they could meet in the middle? She’d told him she planned to keep him, blustering through a declaration in hopes she could bluff her way into being the confident, sexy woman she’d once been. Andhe’d bought it.But how long until he realized taking on Jordan meant taking on Rafi for the next two years as well as all her insecurities?
That she kept thinking long term unnerved her because Cash was a man others coveted. He commanded attention from his sheer size and manner. A natural leader and a natural heartbreaker.
Before last night’s meltdown, Jordan had been a woman who didn’t need protection. She’d guarded herself and wanted only an equal partner. Now, having exposed her vulnerabilities, part of her felt unworthy of someone so strong. While another wondered how he’d behave now that he’d seen her cry.
Jordanhatedto cry, almost as much as she hated feeling like a failure. She knew making mistakes only helped prevent future failure, but that didn’t make the fall hurt any less. And, yes, she’d fallen. No longer an Army soldier. Now she was a civilian. An employee. A sister. A daughter.
And a lover to one sexy man who could have any woman he wanted. Why, then, did he want her?And why the hell am I so wussy about life right now?she asked herself angrily. Jordan didn’t mope. She didn’t have time for self-doubt, but she could allow that she’d earned a mini-breakdown. She hadn’t taken the time to realize all she’d lost after separating from the Army, and she’d been due. If only she hadn’t lost it with Cash.
As if he’d heard her thinking about him, he tightened his arm around her. “You okay?” came the gritty question.
She shivered, feeling her every nerve on end. Cash stirred, and he thickened against her bottom.
“I’m good. I think I fell asleep.”
“Yep.” He snuggled against her and sighed. “With me.”
Her heart raced. She wanted to show Cash how much it meant that he’d been there when she needed him. And, hell, she wanted him. She always wanted him. That sexy body did things to her, and adding that to his compassionate nature under the blustery exterior, it made him someone she couldn’t get out of her mind.
She reached behind her, angling her hand between them, and found his erection through his shorts. She gripped him then stroked, up and down, feeling him grow harder, hearing his breathing grow shallower.
“You hungry, baby?” he asked, his voice gritty.
“Maybe.” She wanted to feel him inside her, just him and her. Protected against pregnancy, though she hadn’t mentioned she was safe from babies, Jordan decided she fully trusted Cash, and she wanted all of him.
Just hers, for this night at least.
He kept saying he felt fine, and though she didn’t want to cause him any harm with his head injury, he seemed much better. Jordan slowly removed her clothes and tossed them to the floor. She turned and reached for him and found his sweatshirt had gone, so he must have taken it off before joining her in bed. But those shorts had to go. She tugged them and his underwear down his legs, aware Cash did nothing to stop her. Then she turned around, lying naked while he spooned her.
“Fuck, yeah. This is much better.” He kissed the back of her neck, that solid part of him insistent against her ass.
Jordan put her leg over his, opening herself, and angled back against him so that the tip of his shaft rested against her entrance. She eased back, and a small part of him inched inside.
Behind her, Cash had frozen, not moving a muscle. “You sure?” He kissed the back of her neck again, sliding her hair out of the way so he could kiss his way up her neck to her ear. “Want to grab me a condom?”
“No. I want you in me. All of you.”
“Jordan, I don’t know if I’ll stop in time.”
Now or never. “You don’t have to.” Such a huge silence fell between them. “I’m protected, and I trust you.”
He gave a long, drawn-out groan. “Man, I hate how perfect you are.”
She had no idea what that meant, but then she couldn’t think as he slowly slid inside her, the excitement and warmth of her body allowing him an easy though tight passage. With them lying on their sides, he felt huge and thick as he entered her, and the position made it difficult for him to truly move all the way in.
Then he raised her leg higher over his and pushed deeper, and they both gasped, shaken by the feel of him there.
