Page 9 of You Chive Me Crazy
“Yes—it’s not rocket science,” I said. “And I still have your keys. It only takes a couple of phone calls and a few minutes of my time. I can handle it.”
She opened up her purse and shifted things around until she saw I was telling the truth. “What makes you think I would ever trust you with my food truck?”
I snapped my fingers and pointed at her. “Darn—I didn’t think you would catch on to my deceitful ways. The truth is, I canceled a sure-thing diamond heist because I found out someone left a thousand potatoes by the side of the road.”
“Not funny, Mr. Smarty Pants.”
“Funny as hell, Mrs. Potato Head.” I craned my head in her direction and then got my eyes back on the road. “And you really brought a thousand potatoes to the food festival?”
“Yes. And my plan is to leave with zero, but that will not happen if I don’t get my truck fixed.”
“We need to getyoufixed first,” I said. “Without your health, you won’t be able to do squat, and your potatoes will rot.”
She massaged her temples. “I already have a headache—please don’t start rapping.”
The plan had been to stop at the first gas station to ask for directions to the nearest hospital or use my phone to search for one, if it had a Wi-Fi signal. Luckily, I didn’t have to do either since I spotted a sign for an urgent care hospital on the road ahead.
I turned into the entrance, parked in the first spot, got out, and winced after I took the first step. My ankle was hurting, but I blocked the increasingly throbbing pain from my mind and hobbled to the passenger’s side to open the door for Zoe.
I extended my hand in her direction. “Come on, cranky.”
She reluctantly took my hand and slid awkwardly out of the car. “Let’s get this over with.”
I swung the car door closed behind us, then walked her to the reception desk inside, where we checked in with a smiling woman named Lita.
Zoe crossed her arms and let out a frustrated breath. “For the record—I was brought here against my will. This man is very handsy.”
Lita’s eyes went wide, then she eyed me up and down before the smile returned to her face. “For the record, I get off work at ten.”
“I heard that!” a booming voice called out from the back office.
I chuckled nervously. “Who was that?”
Lita waved it off and whispered, “My husband. He forgot my birthday, so a little torture will do him good. I like to get him all riled up.” She winked and passed Zoe a clipboard with some forms. “Just fill out this paperwork and Dr. Bonebrake will look at you. He should be able to see you right away.”
A few minutes later, a nurse whisked Zoe away down the corridor in a wheelchair. I wished her luck, but she just snarled at me.
“This place is so quiet,” I said to Lita. “I expected to have to wait four or five hours, at least.”
“We barely have six thousand people who live here,” she said. “Most medical issues come from tourists. Hiking injuries and snake bites in the summer. Skiing accidents during the winter. You should have seen it this morning, though. It was crazy! Is there going to be a full moon tonight? This place was a madhouse.”
“Yeah?” I said, looking around. “What happened?”
“We had eight people in here between eight and noon. Eight!” Lita said, who obviously had never been to an ER in a big city. “Like I said, amadhouse. And you wouldn’t believe some of the cases Dr. Bonebrake had to look at. Well, I probably shouldn’t tell you.”
I nodded. “I understand. Doctor-patient confidentiality—”
Lita waved it off and whispered, “One man had a foreign object stuck in hisbadonkadonk.” She drug out the word with her eyes wide and nodded at me like we were in on something scandalous. Then she laughed and snapped her fingers. “And Dr. Bonebrake asked another patient if she’d ever had an experience with vertigo. She said no, but that her last boyfriend was a Taurus.” Lita slapped the desk and laughed, her demeanor changing dramatically. “Ain’t that a hoot?”
“A hoot, indeed,” I said. “Hey—can you recommend a local mechanic and a towing company? Zoe crashed her food truck up near the scenic lookout. She needs to get it running ASAP since she’s here for the food truck festival.”
“That’s our biggest event of the year—we don’t want her to miss out on that.” Lita gestured out the front door. “My brother, Axel, owns the garage right across the street, and he’s got a reputation for being fair. He’s also got his own tow truck. You got the keys?”
I pulled them from my pocket and jingled them. “Right here.”
Lita snagged Zoe’s keys from my hand. “I’m all over it.” She picked up the phone and dialed. “Axel—get your buns over here. We’ve got an urgent tow up at the scenic lookout for someone here with a food truck for Big Bang Big Bear. I’ve got the keys for ya.” She hung up and smiled. “No worries, honey. He’s comin’ right over.”
“Wow, thanks for jumping on that. Let him know he can start working on it immediately, if he’s able. No need to wait to give us an estimate, since time is of the essence. I trust you.”
