Page 2 of You Chive Me Crazy
“It’s not healthy to keep those things bottled up inside of you,” Rolando said. “Unexpressed emotions never die. Eventually, they will rear their ugly head and wreak havoc with your life.”
“You sound like a quote on someone’s Pinterest board.” I pushed my plate away, not bothering to finish my food. “Can we talk about something else? Like how this bistro will be out of business within a year?”
“Don’t you dare review this place because I like it.” Rolando sighed. “Anyway, my point is, you need to go with the flow because the Universe has got your back. You’re exactly where you need to be at this point in your life.”
“You mean right here in this restaurant with you?” I joked, then gestured to his bowl. “Were you destined to be eating that wonton soup with me since the day you were born?”
“Okay, maybe not, but we never would have been here in the first place if our substitute teacher in middle school hadn’t put our desks together, which led to us becoming friends.” Rolando grinned. “Now, let’s go back to your culinary institute.”
“Let’s not.”
“Getting kicked out was the best thing that could’ve happened to you. If it weren’t for that, we wouldn’t be working together, andyouwouldn’t be the top food critic in the country. You’re like a rock star, dude. Buy some leather pants and enjoy the ride while it lasts.”
Before I could respond, a woman approached, smiling. “I’m so sorry to bug you during your lunch. I’m Amelia, and I’m a huge fan. Could I get a selfie with you? I promise it’ll be quick.”
I smiled. “No problem.”
Rolando held out his hand toward her. “I can take the picture.”
“That would be amazing,” Amelia said, handing her phone to him, and squatting next to my chair. “Ilovedyour review of the grilled chicken at that Michelin star restaurant.Pretentious and unpalatable poultry for peasants.” She laughed and slowly started edging her way into my personal space while she quoted part of my review word-for-word. “It tasted like it had been marinated in WD-40, charbroiled for three days, trampled on by every runner in the Boston and New York City Marathons, then topped with Tillamook sharp cheddar cheese that had been left out in the sun for a month.” She shook her head in awe and sighed. “You’re brilliant.”
I couldn’t believe she’d memorized my restaurant review. “Thank you. Your memory is impressive.”
Also surprising was how Amelia was staring at my lips like she wanted to kiss me. Seriously? I was a food critic, definitelynota rock star!
Clearing my throat, I pointed to Rolando, who had that I-told-you-so look on his face. “Ready for the photo?”
Amelia nodded. “Yes. Sorry. I got a little distracted there.”
Rolando was clearly enjoying this too much as he waved his hand at the woman. “Move in a little closer to Lucas.”
She was one butt cheek away from being completely in my lap. “Like this?”
“Yes. Perfect,” he said, taking the photo. “Oh yeah, that was a good one. Let’s do another one. Get even closer. Put your arm around Lucas, like you’re best friends.”
“I can do that!” enthused Amelia as she completed her journey into my personal space. “This feels like a photo shoot!”
This feels like hell.
“Great!” Rolando managed through his laughter. “Now cheek-to-cheek.”
“Yes!” she said, moving even closer until her face was against mine. “Your skin is so soft, Lucas. What a close shave! Did you have laser done?”
I was going to kill him.
“One more!” Rolando said. “Amelia, is there any way you can get even closer?”
“I will certainly try!” she said, twining her arms around my neck and squeezing so much, I was sure I was turning every shade of red.
Plus, where were my hands supposed to go?
“Got it!” Rolando said, laughing hysterically at my discomfort, then handing the phone back to the woman. “That was so much fun.”
“Tell me about it!” she said, taking her time to crawl off me. “Can I buy you a drink, Lucas?”
That caught me by surprise.
She was a knockout, but I didn’t drink during work hours. Plus, I needed to get back to the office to wrap things up, since my flight to Munich for Oktoberfest was quickly approaching.
