Page 98 of The Backup Groom
“I agree. Can’t wait to sample the goods.” Scotty bent over to give me a kiss, then sat down by my side. “All set with the tux rentals. The alterations will take a week, but I wonder how in the world did you find a wedding dress so quickly?”
“I guess it was meant to be,” I said.
“We had a little drama at the first store,” Stella said with a snicker. “There was a mix-up with one dress that involved a rude salesperson.”
“Uh-oh . . . was there a cat fight?” Dean's eyes lit up as he asked. “Like a Black Friday scuffle, two brides fighting over the same dress, then they tear it to shreds and nobody gets to have it in the end?”
“Not quite.” Stella snorted. “I’ll never understand why men find it amusing to see two women fight. We see men fighting all the time, and it’s not entertaining.”
Scotty shrugged. “I think some guys get a kick out of the termcat fight, and not the actual act of them fighting, but enough about Dean’s wild imagination. What really happened?”
“Amber found a dress that fit like a dream. She was ready to buy it, but another woman showed up and said it was supposed to be hers. Long story short, Amber let the distraught woman have the dress, and we left, irritated by the salesperson’s behavior and the lack of compassion she had for the other bride. Then there was the mermaid-dress-debacle at the other store. It was pretty funny.”
No way did I want the guys to hear about the story of me almost peeing myself in a dress, so I kicked Stella under the table, just enough to get her attention.
Stella narrowed her eyes at me, rubbing her leg under the table. “Anyway, we ended up going to the store next door where she found another dress she loved even more.”
Scotty reached for my hand and squeezed it. “You were rewarded for your kindness.” He grinned, leaned closer, but hesitated.
“What was that?” I asked.
“I was about to kiss you on the cheek, but then I remembered it was strictly prohibited in our relationship, so I froze in no-man’s land, because you were at an angle where your lips were not easily accessible.” Scotty chuckled.
“This ain’t rocket science.” I swiveled my butt in the chair to face him, then grabbed his collar and pulled him closer until our lips met. “See? Piece of cake.” I winked sexily. “Pun intended.”
“So many rules,” Stella said, shaking her head in disbelief. She batted her eyelashes at Dean and gave him a flirty smile. “You can kiss me anywhere, anytime, and any way you want. Got it?”
“Got it!” he said, saluting her. “Do they have a backroom in this place? I would love to take full advantage of your offer—immediately.” He leaned in for a steamy kiss to prove his point.
“Hey—has your crazy cousin been leaving you alone?” Dean asked out of nowhere, still breathless from the kiss.
“Yes. Surprisingly, she has completely disappeared,” I said. “I’m not sure if I’m happy or scared.”
“Your little plan to pretend that you’re still going to marry Rectum Ryan is working like a charm,” Stella said.
The exchange between Dean and Scotty was quite comical. I could tell they both wanted to know what Stella was talking about, but were afraid to ask. I gave her a stern look, since those nicknames were supposed to be only between me and her. Hopefully, the guys wouldn’t make a big deal out of it, but it would be a wise move on my part to talk about something else.
I cleared my throat. “I’m sure the cake samples are—”
“Hang on,” Dean said, holding up his finger and chuckling. “Who on earth is Rectum Ryan? Are you talking about that proctologist?”
So much for trying to change the subject.
Scotty leaned closer, trying to read my face. “Rectum Ryan? Seriously?”
I sighed. “Okay, here’s the story . . . Stella assigned all the Ryans nicknames, because it would be easier to keep track of them since they all had the same name. That’s it! No harm done.”
Scotty laughed. “Unless you called him that to his face.”
“No, of course not,” I said. “I would never do that.”
“Enlighten us—what are the nicknames for the other Ryans?” Dean asked.
I waved Stella on. “You might as well tell them now, since you don’t know how to keep a secret.”
She sat forward in her chair, like she had been dying to tell someone else. “The yoga instructor is called Rhubarb Ryan because he’s obsessed with rhubarb. Speaking of rules, he doesn’t believe in them. He loves nudity and McDonalds, but not at the same time. Real Estate Ryan is self-explanatory. Radio Ryan voices radio commercials and sounds like Morgan Freeman. And Rye Bread Ryan is a rye bread wholesaler. There you have it, all the Ryans that Amber has dated.”
“Not all of them,” Scotty said. “What about me? What’s my nickname?”
