Page 64 of The Backup Groom
He chuckled. “When a person is motivated, they will do just about anything to achieve their goals. I want to start a private medical practice with three other doctors and the startup costs for the equipment, hiring employees, insurance, and the purchase of the building are insane. A million bucks would be a tremendous help and take the pressure off, and we could get the ball rolling sooner. Seriously, nothing you could say would change my mind. You could ask me to put on a pink tutu and run down the street screaming ‘I’m a ballerina!’ and the only question I would have would be, what shoes should I wear?”
“Don’t worry—I won’t ask you to do that,” I said. “Okay, I guess we should make this official.”
I couldn’t believe this was finally going to happen.
Opening my purse, I pulled out the will, as well as the double-copy of the agreement. “First, read the will. This is the official notarized copy, so you don’t think it’s some kind of weird scam.”
“I trust you,” he said.
I shook my head. “I appreciate that, but you still need to read it before we move on to the agreement.”
Rectum Ryan read it in a heartbeat. “Done. Your uncle Garfunkel was a little weird, am I right?”
“Eccentric is the term we prefer—he was one of a kind,” I said. “Uncle G was a good man and he’ll be dearly missed.” I slid the two copies of the agreement past the empty salsa bowl to his side of the table. “This basically states that I will give you one million dollars if you marry me. If we don’t get married, you get nothing. This is more of an agreement and not a contract, in case one of us gets buyer’s remorse and wants to back out. I can’t sue you if you change your mind and vice versa. The bottom line is, I don’t want to force you to do something you don’t want to do. Considering the money involved, I prefer to not have any surprises, so hopefully we make this happen.”
“I won’t be backing out,” he said, printing his name in the space and signing at the bottom of both copies. He passed one of them back to me. “Why don’t we go next door to the jewelry store and get a ring?”
“Seriously? Now?” I asked, sticking the documents back in my purse.
To say it motivated him was an understatement.
He smiled mischievously. “The sooner we get married, the sooner we get the money.”
“Sounds good, but we should have Pablo take a picture of us together,” I said. “I may be paranoid, but at least it will show we were out on a date, in case we need it as proof of something.” I waved Pablo over.
“How are you doing over here?” he said. “Ready for some dessert?”
I frowned. “I was planning on some flan, but I don’t have any room. Just the check, please. And if you don’t mind, could you take a photo of us?”
“Of course.” Pablo took my phone from me and snapped a few pictures.
Rectum Ryan insisted on paying for dinner, so while he did that, I texted Stella a photo. I also told her it was a done deal, and that we were going to shop for rings.
She immediately replied with a text.
STELLA:You hit the jackpot! Look at that hottie! Hubba, hubba.
She followed that up with an emoji with hearts for eyes.
We walked next door to the jewelry store, but before we got to the door, a red Toyota Tundra pickup truck slowed down on the other side of the street. It was already getting dark, so I couldn’t tell if it was the private investigator that Mercedes hired, but there was no way I could take a chance. I pulled Rectum Ryan into the store before we were spotted.
“I need to tell you something important,” I said. “There’s a chance my cousin, Mercedes, is going to show up and try to convince you to not marry me because if I don’t get married, she gets all the inheritance for herself. She will lie and say horrible things about me to get you to leave me. To put it in terms you can relate to, she’s a big pain in my butt.”
“Don’t you worry about a thing—I know exactly how to deal with people like that,” Rectum Ryan said.
“Thank you,” I said, feeling a little more relaxed.
An employee approached us, possibly anticipating a big sale. “Hey there. I’m Roxanne. What brings you in this evening?”
“We’re getting married,” Rectum Ryan said. “We’d like to check out your rings.”
“How wonderful. Congratulations. Follow me and I’ll show you what we have.” She took us to the corner of the store to a vast display of diamond rings. “This is our selection of engagement rings and we also have a catalog, if you’re interested. I’m finishing up with someone on the phone, but have a look, and I’ll be back with the key to pull some out for you.”
“Thanks,” Rectum Ryan and I said in unison.
I peered through the glass, finding it odd that I was going to pick out my own engagement ring. “I don’t need anything fancy.”
“That one is nice,” he said, pointing to a simple, yet elegant ring on the second shelf.
