Page 41 of The Backup Groom
“Are you fed up with irregularity?” he said in his Morgan Freeman radio voice. “Are those clogged pipes a pain in your backside? Well, don’t you fret! We’ve got your backs with Explosalax!”
I gave him a courtesy smile, then froze when Scotty walked by on the sidewalk outside and slowed down. He gave me a half-hearted wave, but it was the look of confusion on his face that made me feel guilty. Finally, he glanced down at the coffee in my hand and walked away.
The guilt was overwhelming me.
It felt like I was cheating on Scotty.
I considered myself to be one of his most loyal customers, but I was having coffee at a place that wasn’t his. I also told him I’d had enough coffee for the day. I hadn’t planned on drinking more, but Radio Ryan insisted on me trying one of their cold brews since I mentioned I had never had one before.
I felt horrible, but there was nothing I could do at the moment. Hopefully, Scotty didn’t take it personally because the last thing I wanted was for him to be mad at me or disappointed.
Clearing my throat, I needed to get my mind off that and get down to business. This was the moment. Mercedes would not barge in and scare this Ryan away like she had with the others. Stella’s plan to keep her away had worked, and it was the first time I was going to ask someone to marry me for money.
Here we go.
I inhaled a big breath through my nose and let it out slowly. “I want to ask you something. It’s an unorthodox business proposition. It might even be perceived as bizarre, depending on who you ask.”
“Stella said you work for an ad agency,” Radio Ryan said. “Do you have some voice work coming up for a taboo product? If so, I’m a big boy, I can handle it. I once did a commercial for glow-in-the-dark condoms. And another for a nudist colony out in the desert.”
Great. An image of Rhubarb Ryan popped into my head.
“How do you feel about marriage?” I blurted out.
“All for it,” Radio Ryan quickly answered, grinning, which was good. “I hope to get married one day, of course. If the right girl comes along. Wait, are you proposing to me? Man, that was fast.”
He laughed and slapped himself on the knee, but little did he know . . .
I was searching for the right words, trying to be delicate with the subject. “Funny that you should say that, because it really isn’t far from the truth. I’m in a particular situation where I can get a lot of money from an inheritance if I get married. Five million dollars, to be exact.”
Radio Ryan lost his smile. “Are you kidding me?”
I shook my head, ready to come out and say it. There was no need to tiptoe around the subject when I just needed to get it done. I needed to get married.
“No joke,” I said. “I’ve been looking for someone who would want to have part of the money in exchange for marrying me. One million dollars. It’s all yours if you marry me, platonically, of course. You’ll have everything in writing. We would sleep in separate bedrooms, and will lead completely separate lives, actually. And I would make sure that you—”
“Hell no,” Radio Ryan said, shocking me.
He stood and placed both hands on the table, leaning forward, towering over me. “Are you a butcher?”
“Uh . . . I’m not sure I understand the question,” I said.
“I’m not a piece of meat that can be bought and sold,” Radio Ryan said. “Marriage is a sacred institution. You could offer me all the money in the world and I would still say no. The only time I will ever get married is when it’s for love. End of story. I have morals, you know. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I feel a little dirty right now and need to go home and take a shower.” He glared at me and walked out.
I sat there in stunned silence. No way had I expected that kind of response from him.
It never even occurred to me that someone would say no.
And that was when I realized I had an even bigger problem on my hands, and this one had nothing to do with Maggoty Mercedes.
I was running out of Ryan Scotts.
ChapterNine
Amber
As I drove to the Pacific Beach Recreation Center to drop off the promotional stuff for Schmuck, I couldn’t help thinking that if I had a tail, it would probably be between my legs.
Why had Radio Ryan’s response made me feel so deflated?
