Page 120 of Men or Paws
Everything was happening so fast. Just a little over a week ago I wanted nothing to do with the man, but now I couldn’t wait to be alone with him. How in the world had that happened?
I even had a dream last night that quickly turned into a nightmare. Rocco got down on one knee to ask me to marry him on live television, for the whole world to see, then got spooked likeThe Runaway Brideand at the last second said, “You know what? I forgot I don’t do commitments. I’m out of here.”
I woke up shaking, my heart pounding, because it felt so real.
Between my best friend on the verge of being proposed to, Rocco saying I would make a beautiful bride, and that nightmare of him walking away from me, I seriously couldn’t think straight.
Thank God Rocco offered to drive us in his Audi Q5 SUV or I would have found the first eucalyptus tree to crash into. I wasn’t able to calm down even a little until he parked and we got out, when a cool breeze hit me in the face.
Relax. Take a deep breath.
Once inside, the noise and chaos created a different atmosphere. Happy people, laughter, and the clink of glasses felt normal. We were escorted to our table and drinks were ordered.
Before long, Josh was on stage, doing countless impersonations, making everyone laugh, except me. It was like his jokes were going in one ear and out the other.
What was wrong with me?
Why did I feel so disconnected?
Luckily, I had been able to keep the proposal a secret so far, but Josh needed to hurry and finish his standup routine, because I wasn’t making any promises past the next hour.
I took a sip of my piña colada, hoping it would help.
Holly leaned in and whispered, “Are you okay?”
I nodded, forcing a smile. “I’m fine.”
Rocco reached over and held my hand. At first, I almost pulled away, but as he stroked the sensitive skin on the top, the warmth slithered up my arm from our intertwined fingers.
Why was I so scattered?
It had to be the proposal.
“Have you read thoseDummiesbooks that are everywhere?” Josh asked the audience.
Heads bobbed and the crowd murmured in acknowledgement.
This was it, after this bit, Josh would pop the question to Holly.
I shifted in my seat.
Rocco squeezed my hand, smiling, trying to calm me down.
“I seriously love those books!” Josh said. “Home Maintenance for Dummies,Spanish for Dummies, I’ve read so many and highly recommend them. But I think they’re missing out on a golden opportunity. It’s a very important topic that needs to be addressed.” He paused dramatically and then stepped toward the audience, like he was letting us all in on a big secret. “Pissing for Dummies.”
The audience laughed, including Rocco, which relaxed me a little. It was wonderful to see that he thought my brother was funny.
“Seriously—why haven’t they published this book?” Josh grinned and took a sip of his water, then set the bottle down. “Of course, ninety-nine percent of the advice in the book would be geared toward men, of course, since we’re the ones who just can’t seem to get a handle on pissing.”
“You got that right!” a woman yelled, prompting the audience to laugh.
Josh grinned and took another sip of his water, then set the bottle down. “Ladies,Pissing for Dummieswould be the perfect gift for your man, although you know he will adamantly deny he has a pissing problem, while he steps in front of the yellow spots on the floor, so you don’t see them. Don’t let this discourage you. The best thing you can do is sedate him before sharing any information about improving his pissing skills. I recommend pot over beer, since a six-pack will only cause him to piss more.”
Rocco laughed, then leaned closer to me. “Your brother is funny. Very clever.”
I leaned over and whispered, “I agree. I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.”
“I’m with you, why wouldn’t I be?” He kissed me.
