Page 22 of It's Not PMS, It's You

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They both stared at me again, and I couldn’t help but laugh out loud.

I was scaring myself, too.

For the first time in a very long time, I agreed with my dad.

I needed a day off.

And I did need someone in my life.

I didn’t want to die alone.

I wanted to be married.

Just like the man on the plane, I wanted to meet my soulmate.

All men couldn’t be douchebags. I just needed to figure out a better way to meet them instead of at work-related events and conferences.

Someone perfect had to be out there, just waiting for me.

And when I wanted something, I always got it.

Dee could help me.

I pulled my phone from my purse and turned it on. A few seconds later, it began buzzing like crazy, one text message after another after another kept coming through.

All the messages were from Dee.

Dee: Fine. You tell me you love me and then you don’t answer back.

Dee: What’s going on? Where are you?

Dee: Holy crap, I’m watching the news and that’s your flight that’s having the landing problems, isn’t it?

Dee: Everything is going to be okay! Think positive.

Dee: I’m watching your plane about to touch down and I want to throw up!

Dee: Please land safely.

Dee: I love you, Ruth! Do you hear me? I love you!

Dee: Yay! The pilot did it!

Dee: I can see you on TV! You’re sliding out of the plane! You’re wearing your favorite blue blouse, the low-cut one that shows off your girls.

Dee: I can’t wait to see you and give you a hug. Call me! I don’t care how late it is, just call when you can.

Dee: It’s been two hours. Why haven’t you called me or replied to my text messages?

Dee: This is ridiculous. I’m going to have a coronary. Call me!

Dee: Okay, that’s it. You didn’t die on that plane, I know that for a fact, but I am going to kill you if I don’t hear from you in the next hour.

I laughed out loud.

“What?” my mom asked.

“I had thirteen text messages from Dee. She was worried.”

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