Page 30 of It's Not PMS, It's You
“It was much worse than that. I flashed him.”
“I can’t believe I missed it! Top or bottom? And were you drunk?”
“Notdrunk. Honestly, I don’t know how much he saw, but I was like Marilyn in the movieThe Seven Year Itchin the scene on the subway grate. My dress flew up toward my head and it took everything I had to get it back down and cover myself until he could turn off the fan that was on the floor.”
“I wish I could have been there. Were you also wearing a white halter dress?”
“I don’t even own one.”
“What about your undies?”
“Pink lace.”
“Ilovethose.”
“Me, too.”
“Well, maybe we should just cancel the online dating. If you showed Nick your goods, he’s going to be pursuing you like a maniac. I doubt any man can pass that up. Men stutter around your cleavage. They can’t even form coherent sentences.”
I laughed and pointed to her laptop. “Can we get on with this, please?”
“Of course, Marilyn.” She rubbed her hands together. “Okay, let’s find you your soulmate.”
“I sent you something I worked on last night. Check your email.”
“Okay.” Dee opened up her laptop and clicked a few times. “Got it. Characteristics of the perfect man?” She looked up. “Okay, maybe I shouldn’t read this since the perfect man doesn’t exist.”
I huffed. “Of course, he does.”
“No. He. Doesn’t. Now, there may be the perfect man foryou, but that does not mean he’s going to be perfect. Let’s be honest here, he needs to have at least a few issues just toconsidergoing out with you. Unless he’s a masochist, of course.”
I crossed my arms. “Did you forget that you’re my friend? Give me back that second croissant.”
Dee pulled it back out of my reach. “No. And I’m telling it like it is. You are not perfect, either. There’s no such thing as a perfect man and you need to find someone that you like so much you’re willing to put up with his flaws. Because hewillhave flaws. You do. I do. Everyone does.”
“I disagree. I think you’re perfect.”
“Okay, you have areallygood point there.” Dee flipped her hair back proudly and smiled.
I laughed. “Are you going to open the document or not?”
She nodded. “I’m going to, but I have a feeling I’m not going to like it.”
“Just open it.”
“Okay, okay . . .” She stared at her computer as she took a sip of her coffee. “Wow.”
“What?”
She pointed to her computer. “I have to ask you—are you looking for a soulmate or a business partner? What kind of traits are these? Decisive? Fiscally responsible? Are you serious?”
“Of course, I’m serious. If he has decision-making capabilities and fiscal responsibility, that means he’s got a good head on his shoulders. Should I putsmartinstead? Would that make you feel better? Or college educated?”
“The man of your dreams may not have gone to college. Have you even considered that?”
“Ha! Not even a little.”
“Your soulmate could be a mechanic or a machine worker or a gardener or a—”
