Page 139 of It's Not PMS, It's You
This may have been a first.
“Mom, there’s something you’re not telling me. What is it?”
She sighed. “Fine.” She thought about it. “It’s just . . . I didn’t want to make you feel bad.”
“Why would I feel bad that you portrayed me in a beautiful piece of art like this?”
“Well . . . it’s just, you’ve been obsessed with your career—”
“Motivated,” I corrected her.
“Right. Motivated. Anyway, you’ve been so focused on rising to the top and making all that money that I didn’t think you would like it very much if I was doing the complete opposite, giving all my money away.”
“Okay, wait, what do mean you’regivingall your money away?” I glanced around the room again. “You don’t make any money when you sell these?”
She shook her head. “Not a single penny. I’ve been selling these paintings for years and donating all the money to charities. Meals on Wheels. The Wildlife Conservation Society. And a few other charities that are near and dear to my heart.”
I never knew this side of my mom existed.
“It’s such a joy to help others.” She shrugged. “And I don’t need the money.”
Now, she sounded like Nick, which made me feel worse.
So many people were doing good in the world and I suddenly felt inadequate for not doing my part to contribute to something, anything.
My mom was right.
I had been obsessed.
“Are you mad at me, sweetie?”
I stared at my mom, shocked that she would ask such a thing. “What? No! How could I be mad at you, Mom? What you’re doing here is beautiful. It’s wonderful. It’s kind on so many levels. I’m so proud of you, you have no idea.” I hugged her and then pulled away, thinking about my own life. “I’m beginning to realize that the last ten years of my life have been a huge mistake.”
“There are no mistakes, only lessons.”
“Well then, my lesson is that I have to pay more attention. I thought you had given up everything and my only goal since then was to make sure that I didn’t do the same. And oddly enough, I thought that would make you happy and that you could live vicariously through me.”
“Oh, no, honey. I would never want to have your life. I would die from the stress or maybe something caused by the stress. I don’t know how you can live like that, but you seem to love it. Who am I to judge or make you feel bad about your lifestyle?”
Ouch.
That was like a slap in the face.
My mom put her arm around me and squeezed. “You shouldn’t have to live your life for me or anyone else. The most important thing is happiness. And love, of course. I pray every day that you’ll have someone special in your life. When are you going to meet a man?”
“Actually, I’ve met someone.”
My mom’s eyes got wider. “That’s wonderful, sweetie! Do you love him?”
I thought about it. “That’s a good question. I’m not sure if I’m there yet, but I’m falling for him, there’s no doubt about that.”
My mom hugged me. “Well, if he fills your heart with joy and happiness, don’t you dare let him get away. And make sure you tell him how you feel.”
She was right.
Nick did fill my heart with so many positive emotions.
And I was going to tell him exactly how I felt when I met him for dinner.
