Page 88 of The Heir Apparent
“What was your mistake?”
She sighed and wiped her eyes.
“I wasn’t much older than you when I met your father,” she said. “We were both… desperate for something. He was heartbroken overher. I just wanted a family—any family, really. And I think we believed that we could offer each other a semblance of what we were missing.”
I had never heard her talk this way. She always discussed the catastrophic breakdown of their marriage as a betrayal. Papa was the arch villain disguised as a handsome prince. She was the innocent maiden who had entered the castle seeking love, only to find herself trapped by writhing dragons and swooping condors.
“Do you think he loved you?” I asked, but I really meant us.
“In his way.” She sighed. “I don’t know. He loved me for giving him Louis—and you. I just didn’t think the love would drain away quite so soon. I never expected to be thirty-nine and out on my own again.”
She took the champagne bottle from me and brought it to her lips. She drank for a long time.
“My mistake was believing that the only reason I was put on this Earth was to give birth to a king,” she said. “So after I had you and Louis, and your father was done with me, I found myself thinking,What’s the point of me now?”
She put the bottle down so she could find my hands.
“You were born to your position, and that is a privilege. But that is not all you are. Never forget that.”
She pulled me into her warm arms and held me for a long time. The stars flickered above us and we swayed on a placid wave. I fought to keep my eyes open.
“I might fall asleep.”
I felt her lips against the crown of my head. “Why don’t you go down to the berth and sleep where it’s warm? It’s alright, I’ll wake you when the sun’s coming up.”
I took the narrow steps below deck and collapsed onto the first bed I found. The pillows were flat and musty, but it was asdark as a tomb down there. I listened to the thump of the water on the hull, and let my champagne-fuzzed head and the gentle rocking of the boat lull me to sleep.
I’m not sure why I snapped awake when I did. No sound roused me. The boat undulated on a rippling tide. Nothing seemed amiss. But when I sat up in bed and listened for something I couldn’t name, all I heard was the creaking and settling of the hull. I climbed the stairs to the deck and found it was still night, with the crescent moon now high overhead. I walked past the cockpit towards the stern, expecting to find Mum asleep on the lounge. But no one was there, only the blanket twisted in a heap where she had been.
“Mum?” I said.
When she didn’t answer, I figured she must have gone to the other cabin below deck. I climbed back down the steps and pushed the door slightly ajar. I could see nothing in the black.
“Mum?” I whispered.
I didn’t want to wake her. She was a poor sleeper and I knew she would be annoyed, but I skimmed my hands along the wall until I found a switch. The yellow light revealed two sets of bunks, every bed empty. Perhaps she had crawled in with me in the other cabin and I hadn’t noticed. I walked through the galley, flicking on every light switch I found. My bed was a crumpled mess.
“Mum,” I said sharply, as if perhaps she would stir among the bulk of blankets. When nothing happened, I pulled back all the bedclothes, just to be safe.
I was more furious than frightened as I checked the bathroom and snapped back the shower curtain. Who gets lost on the world’s smallest yacht? I went back to the deck, as if we’d missed each other before. The lounging area was still empty, so I climbed onto the dining table and looked through a gap in the fibreglass canopy, wondering if she’d gone up there for a better view. I saw nothing but stars and I stood there listening to my own breath. There was only one place left to check, and thereshe must be. Trembling a little in the crispy air, I hung onto the metal grab rails that ran along the canopy, placing one bare foot after another as I shimmied myself towards the boat’s pointed bow. The guardrails at my feet barely passed my ankles. I was determined not to look down into the shimmering water or give in to the vessel’s delicate roll, which, up there, felt like I was lurching on the crest of a towering wave.
I was sure I’d find Mum sitting on the cushions at the bow. The lounging area was too enclosed. She’d want to be right at the tip of the yacht, where she would be under the night sky like she was floating through it. When I found it empty, I sank down into the leather and felt the low thud of my heart. The ocean suddenly looked infinite, a colossal, wrinkling body with no end in sight. I could hear nothing but my ragged breaths and the lapping of water on the metal hull. I could see nothing but the slow, relentless flutter of light in the darkness.
I was alone, and I knew it.
I screamed for her, once, and then swallowed my gasps so I could listen. The breeze brought me nothing in return. I sat there frozen. Surely I was wrong. I scrambled back to the cockpit and checked every inch of the boat again. I even opened cupboards in the galley, as if she would be hiding there. Finally I found my phone and went back to the lounging area at the stern.
With trembling fingers, I dialled the number. It was 3 a.m. in Italy, which meant it was 2 a.m. in London. He barely answered my calls as it was, but his was the only voice I wanted to hear. When it rang out, I sat down on the deck and sobbed into my hands. I would have to call Louis next or the Italian police. I would have to press the panic button that would alert my security detail back at the villa. I would have to switch all the dials in the cockpit and somehow careen the boat back towards Rapallo.
In my lap, my phone chirped and I half-believed it was Mum calling to tell me where she had gone, why she had left me alone on a boat in the middle of the sea. But it wasn’t her.
“Papa,” I whimpered.
“Lexi, what on Earth?” he said, his voice rough with sleep. “What’s going on?”
“I can’t find her, she’s disappeared. We got on the boat and went out so we could watch the sunrise, and I fell asleep, and when I woke up, she was gone. I’ve checked everywhere.”
He was silent for a moment and I thought the line might have gone dead. “Wake the captain up right now and put me on to him.”
