Page 19 of A Merry Penthouse Christmas
Then I remember something from a month ago that I initially ignored.
I scroll through my texts. I think I will try Clara after all but not directly so much as the online forum she shared with me. I send the link from my phone to my email and quietly slip back upstairs to my office. I’ll remove Bastian from Beau’s arms shortly enough, but before I risk waking either of them, I have a question to pose to my fellow single fathers.
DiamondDaddy:
Feeling doomed while dealing with disaster
I kissed my manny. I want to kiss him again. I told myself to not ruin a working relationship by sleeping with him, but he is too incredible to let slip through my fingers. I know he is interested, but he is holding himself back. He is good with my newborn son. Good with everything. And way better than I deserve. Do I take the high road and avoid any fallout—and the loss of great childcare—or do I take the risk of having something real with the first person I’ve truly liked in a long time?
Now, to wait.
I wait while plucking Bastian from Beau’s arms and setting him in his crib.
I wait while coaxing a drowsy Beau to head to bed himself.
I wait while eventually going to bed as well to get my own overdo sleep.
I wait until after I have showered the next morning and am ready for the day, and then barely have enough time to read through comments before Skylar is calling me into work again.
Despite it being the Saturday after Thanksgiving, my business ventures do not rest, and this damn Johnson merger that continues to drag on is nowhere near as ready to be put to bed as Bastian and Bear were last night.
From what I do have time to read, the comments on my post are not what I was hoping for.
TeenDaddy:I want to tell you to go the high road. Having a newborn is a lot of work and finding good care is hard. Losing that care and having to start over with someone new (them getting to know your kid and your routines etc.) would be a lot. But you said he has feelings for you, too. And if that’s true, you might still lose him as a manny because you two dancing around each other must be difficult/tense/emotionally draining. In the end, I feel like this situation requires open communication. Talk about your feelings.
UncleSam:As someone who remembers how hard it was to find good care for a newborn, a large part of me wants to warn you to stay far, far away from anything that might potentially messthat up. But I must be getting sappy in my old(er) age because I kinda adore the thought of a love story playing out like this. Either way, I think you have to both go into it with your eyes wide open. Discuss what you both want, be open about the relationship and how things might need to change. If the communication is positive, and you feel like you can trust your gut on this guy, I say go for it.
DADvertising:A part of me wants to say to take the risk. That’s the part of me that stayed up too late last night watching a cheesy romcom. The other part of me advises caution, because if things go pear shaped, you will lose your nanny. My only advice I think would be a happy medium: Talk it out with him. See if it’s worth the risk. Don’t just dive into the deep end.
Talk. That’s it?Talk? I think DADvertising said it best with, “Don’t just dive into the deep end,” because going up to Beau like some love-struck teenager and saying, “I like you. Do you like me?” would be like plummeting off a cliff.
So much for help from a forum.
I think the real lesson in these comments is that I need more information before I take any kind of plunge. They all got one thing right: I still might lose Beau, but on the battlefield, including in matters of the heart, one cannot win without first taking risks.
I’m confident Beau feels something for me, but I want to be certain it isn’t only physical before I pursue him. I need to know more. I wasn’t lying when I told him thatThe Art of Warshouldbe a staple for the modern businessman, but its principles apply to personal matters too.
Step one: Know your enemy.
“Um,what?”
“History,” I repeat. “I want to know why you chose history.”
It’s Sunday now, my Saturday having mostly been stolen from me, and I am determined to have some downtime at home without letting Beau avoid me all day.
He’s at the kitchen island, fixing himself a cup of coffee, while Bastian is in the bouncer, enamored by the sparkling red snowflake Beau tied to the top of it like a mini mobile.
The question may have caught him off guard, but I can tell it eases his nerves to have the subject on something other than our kisses. He sits on one of the island stools, and I claim another to join him. “I guess… you know how some kids get lost in fiction and fantasy? That’s what happened to me when learning about history. It felt just as fantastical, but then I’d sit back and realize those people really existed. Their stories actually happened. Even the most fantastically seeming person can alter the course of human history and be remembered forever.
“The teacher who taught me that was Mr. Moreno, and I am going to rememberhimforever. If even just one kid I teach someday remembers me like that, I’ll know I left my mark. And maybe that kid will go on to do something truly monumental, but it all starts with learning where we came from to know where we want to go. You know?”
Beau is making it very difficult to not grab hold of him right now and pull him into my lap. I am very proud of what I do fora living, but there is something special about someone with this sort of passion for their profession.
“I think I do know,” I say. “I was going to ask next why middle school, why kids and not older teens or college, but I think you answered that too. It’s the right age to make that kind of impact, while they still believe in magic but are on the cusp of real critical thinking.” I turn to look at my cooing infant in the bouncer. “What a handful you’re going to be when you get there, huh? I sure was.”
“I bet.” Beau chuckles. “You know, I forgot to tell you before, but I teach Sun Tzu.”
That catches my attention. Is he onto me?
